EarthSourceMedia

The Doctor is IN

EarthSourceMedia reports for Friday, November 6th, 2009

The Doctor is IN- Manchurian Psychiatrist

Fort Hood, Texas

Another beautiful day in the US Military- job security, respect, buddies, chores. And as a military psychiatrist, let’s face it, there’s always someone to work on, if you’re country is in one war after another.  Ah, my office! Little birdies singing in the Juniper bushes out front, trickling water from the zen garden in the side yard, and the fresh flowers delivered in time for Turkey Day on my desk. Another beautiful day in the US military!

“Major Hasan?” asked the researcher.

“Please, call me Nidal, it’s so much more friendly”, he answered.

“Button your lip, Major! This is war, not a social networking date!”

“Yes sir, sorry sir!”

“Lie down on the uncomfortable bunk provided and answer these questions”.

“OK- how long is this going to take? I promised old lady huggins I’d take her to the PX to shop for stationary. She just loves to write to her grandchil-…”

“Major!! Atten, Atten- HUT!! Put a cork in it Major Hasan or I’ll have the Sargeant of Arms here put his boot so far up your ass you’ll be shitting baby shoes for a month is that clear Major?!”

“Sir yes sir- but, do you mind if I use the rest room first?”

“Dicipline Major, dicipline”!

“Yes sir!”

“Now- when I say a word, I want you to sing out with the first thing that comes to mind, do you understand that, Major Hasan?”

“Yes I do sir, and please, call me Naddie, everyone on base does.”

“Sargeant, kick this maggot in the face three times please!”.

“Yessir…uhh-uggh-UNgh!!”

“That’s better. Now do you have anything else to say, ‘naddie’?”

“….unnnh, no..no sir, I do not”.

“Very well. That will be all now Sargeant, just wait outside the door please.”

“OK Major- the first word is ’sniper’. Major, why are you smiling at the word sniper?”

“Well sir, sniper makes me think of window, and window reminded me that I forgot to fill the Hummingbird feeder. Thinking of those little hummers just puts a smile on my…”

“Silence! You little non-marching petty pansy! Get yer shit togetherrrrr!”

“Sorry sir.”

“The next word is ’skin graft’. Major, why are you smiling at the phrase ’skin graft’?”

“Well sir… being from Washington, I’m a huge fan of the Redskins, and I’ll be durned if it doesn’t remind me of just who the skins will draft in the first round picks this year! That Bobby whats his name from the University of-”

“ShutTheHellUp!”

“Yes sir”.

“Blitzkreig?”

“Shock and Awe, sir”.

“Patriot Act?”

“Umm…Hitler’s Enabling Act? King Georges ‘Writ of Assistance?”

“World Trade Center?”

“Riechstag Fire!”

“Good good- Rifle?”

“Shoot!”

“Excellent! Howitzer?”

“Explosion!”

“Nice! Bullets?”

“Gunshots!”

“Perfect! Now you’re getting there, soldier. Napalm?”

“Burning flesh!”

“Great! Gangrene?”

“Childhood puss-leg!”

“Family?”

“Target!”

Easter Bonnet?”

“Grenade!”

Sunday school?”

“Terror cell!”

Cheney?”

“Jesus!”

“Goats milk?”

“Kill mother!”

“Papparazzi?”

“Kill father!”

“Jello pudding?”

“Kill babies!”

“Swine flu?”

“Quarantine trouble makers!”

“Holy bible?”

“Burn Mosques!”

“Daisy?”

“Machine gun!”

(*click*)

“Major, what are you doing with that machine gun?”

(*cha-chuck*)

“Put that down right now! Wha- where What are you doing with all those bullets?”

“Brat-ta-tat-a-tat-a-tat!!!”   “Bing pop pow boierrrr-pop pop pow BLAM!!”

Boom boom boom pop pop tatta tatta tatta POP POW BOOM!!!

Next day’s headlines- 12 dead, no one knows why- nice man- no sign of trouble- loved humming birds-

Well thanks for joining us here on ESM, stay tuned next time for, “Passing the Torture Torch…”

our founder

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EarthSourceMedia Reports for February 17th, 2009

~When things Collide!~

(suspenseful music from horn-section….)

The world has gotten pretty weird- people don’t pay attention to an impending police state or a runaway climate- but everyones worried about killer peanuts!! Anyway, welcome to the program. Tonight, it’s a real smash-up, a total head-banger.

(kick in with sexy saxophone…)

~When things Collide!~

 ”My name is Friday.

…I work Thursday through Monday, off Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and I carry a Saturday night special. This is Moody, my partner. He’s pretty stable, but his name is moody. We work cold cases, sometimes on hot nights. This one was different though. Everything about it screamed, ‘watchout you idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!’”

(Theme from ‘When things Collide’…)

It started a few days ago, when………….” (everything gets wavy and blurry)….

 ~When things Collide!~  

Starring:

joey racano………….Detective Friday

John Willibonkers……Detective Moody

Mighty Casey………….Baseball Player

Wrong-Way Korrigan…Sub Commander 1

A ‘Head-On’ Production

“It was late when we got the call- a French and a British Submarine were both out on routine nuclear patrols in the Atlantic Ocean when the French sub, (carrying a crew of 111 and 15 nuclear missiles) the Le Triomphant collided with the HMS Vanguard, which carried a crew of 40 and 16 Lockheed trident D5 missiles. Nothing really to worry about, just a couple bakers dozen nukes and a collision between two nuclear-powered submarines. I guess you could say it turned out ‘rad’. I mean, who would believe the bungling militarys of the world could flirt with disaster like that and get off so lucky? Had things gone just slightly different, a lot of bad stuff could have leaked out. Ah, what’s the use- everybody already knows all these navys scuttle their nuclear subs in the north Sea anyway! I guess it’s a sort of bioluminescence envy, right?

Anyway, that’s about when the next report came in.

(sound of short-wave radio….)

Well jeepers creepers, I said when i read the tale of the tape- it was coming in like a horror-comedy-melodrama all rolled into one. The hair on my neck stood up like it had been rubbed with the Bullwinkle balloon from the Macys Thanksgiving Day Parade:

Dot-Dash_dot-dot-   -privately owned-Iridium sattellite– dot-dash-dashetty-do-da-dash- collided-with-russian-out-of-service-communication-satellite-in low-Earth-orbit-dash-dot-dot-do-da-ditty-ditty-dash-a-muh-bob…

I put down the book I was reading and listened intently to the communication. What an amazing sequence of dents and events! I wasn’t really enjoying the book anyway- ‘When Worlds Collide’. It had been written in 1933 by Philip Wylie and Edwin balmer- had they known something we didn’t know? It certainly seemed like it! So, two subs and now two satellites? Hmm. Maybe there was a connection! After all, the internet runs on satellites, cell phones run on satellites, TV, cable, heck, lot’s of stuff runs by satellite now so why not submarines? It would certainly explain the collisions! One thing must have led to another!

My head began to ache. Too much thinking, deducing, weighing the facts, figures and possibilities. The probabilities, the improbabilities and -argh! Enough of that! I switched on the TV and kicked back in my favorite lounge chair- there must be a game on. It was time to relax. Yes! Baseball! Perfect way to get away from this collision-mania. Ah, the Red Sox vs the Yankees, and wouldn’t you know it, two outs, bottom of the ninth and bases are loaded! Uh-oh, this guy looks like he can hit it out of the park, and so I turn up the volume and pop a beer-

‘YES FOLKS, TWO OUT, NINTH INNING, SCORE TIED AT TWO AND HERE COMES CASEY- THE PITCHER WINDS AND DELIVERS AND ITS HIT DEEP! DEEP TO LEFT-CENTER FIELD AND JONES COMES RACING OVER FOR IT! UH-OH, HERE COMES SMITH RACING FROM THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION! tHE BALL IS SINKING RIGHT BETWEEN THEM, CASEY ROUNDING THE BASES, AND JONES AND SMITH ARE ABOUT TO- OH! oH MY GOODNESS, JONES AND SMITH HAVE COLLIDED AND THE BALL ROLLS BACK TO THE…..

Of all the rotten luck! I turned off the TV in a huff and picked the book back up. I guess this just wasn’t gonna be my day, no sir. 

I’m joey racano reporting for EarthSourceMedia saying, from the outer reaches of the atmosphere to the depths of the sea, keep your eyes peeled, your head up and watch where the hell you’re going!

our founder

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EarthSourceMedia Reports for December 16th, 2008

MAN of the YEAR 2008

As our readers know, we are currently on the road and writing intermittently through a blizzard of stormy ice. Thus far, EarthSourceMedia has covered 8 states gathering photos and facts and stories for future broadcast. However, (as was stolen from us by TIME MAGAZINE), we present to the public each year she or he who best exemplifies those qualities that may well yet save the Earth; courage, conviction, service in the name of that which is greater than ourselves. And we have named our model for the year ending in just a few days. His name is Muntather Al-Zaidi, a name that will be sung at campfires in the centuries to come (of course, we say campfires because mankind will be reduced to such small tribal gatherings in the not-too-distant future due to radiation, persistant poisons, logging, and warfare- see ya there, don’t forget to bring flint and some stone implements).

Muntather Al-Zaidi is awarded the ESM MAN of the YEAR for excellence in journalism and bravery in the face of fascism. Unfortunately, he is already being tortured in an American-run concentration camp and will likely eventually be executed. But enough with the sad details- ladies and gentleman of the EarthSourceMedia family, we give you hope. We give you a bright and shining light. We give you a hero! We give you Muntather Al-Zaidi!

Muntather Al-Zaidi

Now, as you watch the delightful video above over and over again, like the last pitch of a world series no hitter, it behooves you to listen to the blathering idiot American reporters who won't even give the real words this brave journalist said as he threw strike after strike, right down the middle. Due to the broad yellow stripe down the back of these do-nothing, know nothing, stand-for-nothing lady reporters, it falls upon EarthSourceMedia to give the actual words this heroic figure said...(ESM style, of course!)

From the press booth high in a 'skybox' above the baseball diamond:

*(Yes, it's a, a little glarey in here at gametime but it should- it, it should  be one for the record books, don't you think? Marv? Marv? MARV! Will you stop biting the lady for a moment and...

Oh, yes, sorry, sorry, -can you pass me that napkin? Yes, She-

Good christ get a hold of yourself man- NO NO! Thats not what I mean! ...oh whats the-

...and so here's the pitch as Muntather Al-Zaidi checks the runner, chews a bit-o tobacca, and winds, deals, delivers a -STRIKE!* right down the middle of that petty coward of a dictator who thinks God wanted him to steal the 2000 election and wait- let's go to the HERO-CAM for a listen to Muntather Al-Zaidi:

"Here is your farewell kiss, you kalb (dog)!”

And the secret service is stunned! Not a movement to aid their deranged leader and former cocaine addict George W. Bush, now known to have suppressed information that would have stopped the war in Iraq, spied on millions of Americans illegally, betrayed the identity of Valerie Plame, a US secret agent during time of war (firing squad?) and authorized torture and kidnapping of citizens of the world. No, these guys are too focused on letting Barack Obama get killed by white supremacists, as was reported in national news that Bush denied Obama's request to move his family into the safety of the white house guest house. No, the Bushies would like to let them be exposed to danger, thankyouverymuch.

And here's the second pitch, as he rears back to throw, and a high leg kick and back to the HERO-CAM an mic for a listen:

"And this one, dog, is for all the widows and dead children you son of a stinking ..."

Wow! Did you see that one Marv? A true hero in this day and age! And the reporters on MSNBC, what gutless fascist collaborators not to report the man's actual words but instead the press called this a 'security scare'. Yes, we at EarthSourceMedia call it a security scare alright- we're all scared because the security is getting so out of control we'll all have to get an iris scan to go to the corner market soon!

And as we are denied reporting on the Bush Cheney Rumsfeld Rice Ashcroft Gonzales crimes by a bought and paid for spineless media who would rather report on the impeachment of the Illinois governor (while Bush walks free!) and other lesser crimes that should be relegated to the end of a long list while we as Americans back up the international community and try our own leaders for the war crimes they continue to this day to commit.

Until that golden day when we drag our butts off the floor and get our great country back into the game, at least we can take heart in the heroic deeds of world citizens like Muntather Al-Zaidi. Want to do something for America? Demand the immediate release of Muntather Al-Zaidi!

Hoping your gameface if still the sameface... 

For EarthSourceMedia, this is joey racano saying, Goodnight and go with grace".  -ESM 

our founder

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EarthSourceMedia reports for December 4th, 2008

‘That’s a Rap’

Those rascally conspirators- they really know how to run an airline, so to speak. You simply start an unnecessary war, kill about a million people -including 4200 American soldiers- blow up whole nations, steal the mineral rights, borrow trillions from China, give a hundred years worth of taxpayer monies to Wall Street, propagate a nonsensical world-wide ‘war on terror’, allowing for freedoms, liberties and individual rights to be withdrawn, then- presto!! Your term is up, and the hang-man is calling. But you have that all sorted out in advance, right? How to keep those nasty necks from the noose?  Here comes the biggest bucket of bullshit since Bush was a baby- or as Saddam Hussein would have put it, ‘the mother of all public relations campains! case in point…

‘Rice asks Pakistan to cooperate’, says the headline, referring to the rediculous ‘war on terror’ that is actually designed only to keep terrorist events continually happening. Americas predatory capitalist policies are the cause of  most terrorist activity (when we aren’t actually funding or training terror at places like the ‘School of the Americas’ in Georgia). The United Nations are well aware of this, and understandably appalled at what are so obviously war crimes activity perpetrated by the Bush administration for the past 8 years. The international community is indeed chomping at the bit to pursue charges against them, a-la the Nuremberg trials of the 1940’s. Cheney’s smart enough to know it- that’s why he spent so much time out of the public eye, detonating charges to blast a bat-cave into the side of some mountain, where he may well end up putting a gun in his mouth as the world closes in around him.

Hence, on their way out of power, the Bush cabal are trying to soften up public opinion against them by using the press to give the impression they are running around the world doing goodie-good things, like the story in yesterdays media outlets showing Bush getting dropped off on the Whitehouse lawn by a military helicopter. He was returning from a ‘mission’ pushing his disgusting program finding foster care adults for children imprisoned in his concentration camps. EarthSourceMedia finds this horrifying in the most vile way.

So it was that Condoleezza Rice accepted a bouquet of flowers from Indian opposition leader L.K. advani in New Delhi, India Wednesday, making sure the press beamed the image of Condi the war criminal smiling, wearing a lady-like pearl necklace, holding a floral arrangement that positively screams, ‘this nice woman with the flowers never warned anyone of an impending ‘mushroom cloud’ to start a hideous war, this sweet Earthly manifestation of Aphrodite couldn’t be an Artimus-in-disguise. No need for impeachment at home, or arrest, trial and public hanging abroad for war crimes and treason. This gal never actually flew around the globe spreading the true terror of shock and awe, 21st century blitzkrieg, endless shooting, bombing, depleted uranium poisoning, kangaroo courts and torture. No- that wasn’t this woman with the flowers. Now go to sleep. Nice. Nice. Easy. Nice and easy.

The same way the old farts always tell us to ‘never forget’, Pearl harbor, never forget’ the events of September 11th, 2001, I feel it important that we, likewise, ‘never forget’ the events of the Bush Administration and the Project for a New American Century. One way I do it is to say fun things at the supermarket to folks who are so obviously asleep. I was in line at the checkout counter a day or so ago, and was asked by a young brainwashed Nazi-in-training, “Sir, would you like to donate free coffee to our troops in Iraq?” to which I replied in the most embarrassing way, “Sorry, I donate all my money to the ‘Iraqi kids who became orphans at American checkpoints’ foundation.

Los Angeles, California:

A few weeks ago, a Swedish ‘rapper’ had an altercation at a Hollywood crosswalk, in which a man wound up dead. Now, these guys both being musicians, are kind of my brethren, so I don’t actually like to ‘dog’ another rapper- (hear my rhymes at: www.myspace.com/joeyracano).

But this is a case that must be aired- what would Miley Cyrus, Beyonce or Brittany Spears think? A local Jazz musician named John Osnos -who lived in cities all his life, never used a car, and was a stickler for pedestrian’s rights- was walking across a busy Hollywood street in a cross walk, when the driver of a waiting car grew impatient and revved up his engine and lurched forward to ‘hurry the guy up’. The driver happened to be rapper David Jassy from Sweden, and apparently was in a hurry. But Osnos made a fatal mistake by tapping on Jassy’s hood with a cane. Jassy got out of the car, punched Osnos in the face, and left the scene. And oh, those details- Jassy left the scene via a route that took him over Osnos, now wearing the tire-tracks of Jassy. Osnos died, and Jassy fled, but was later aprehended. His lawyer says he is ‘devastated’. What he probably means (because I understand rapper talk) is that ‘his client is ‘devastated’ that he has to “go through this sorry-ass bullshit just because he ran over some fat mother Fu%@!@ who was walking too slow and hit his dope-ass ride with a walkin’ stick until he had to take a detour over his ass.”

As a special artistic offering, EarthSourceMedia presents a custom-crafted ‘rap’ explaining the events of that unfortunate evening in terms not unfamiliar to Mr. Jassy:

~There I was, it was Saturday night- I was cruisin’ in my ride I was doin’ it right

when some role-ee -pole-ee dude with a wooden cane- was walking so slow that it drove me insane

I busted a move on my accelerator pedal- the engine climbed it was pedal-to-the-metal

He hit me with the cane on the hood of my ride- I really got mad, it was rappers pride

So i got out of the car and I punched him in the face

It was bound to leave a scar- so i picked up the pace

And I scooted from the scene I was sure it was grass

 But apparently the green was the dudes fat ass

Now Im sittin in a cell with a guy named ‘Fro’

I’m hopin’ that a jury’s gonna let me go

I promise not to run any mo’ folks down

Just as long as a brother doesn’t act like a clown”

-ESM 

  That’s the news for today- this is joey racano for EarthSourceMedia saying, “Goodnight and go with grace”.  -ESM

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EarthSourceMedia Reports for November 25th, 2008

 ’Pardon Me’

A wise man once advised against putting others down to make yourself look good. Here at EarthSourceMedia, we never put anyone down for that reason. We point out when people are doing things wrong. Like say, destroying the world PDQ (pretty darn quick). It is endlessley annoying when you point out problems with the Democratic Party, such as when Lois Wolk (D-Davis) caused the old growth in California not to get protection, and they respond, “Well would you rather have a Republican in there?”

One of the down sides of this stupid retort is that it makes good activists a little hesitant (very little) to critisize people like lame duck outgoing tyrant dictator scary evangelical President George W. Bush. Bush and cabal are in the process of doing incredible damage to the planet on the way out of office, attacking everything from forests to laws regulating toxins, and the list goes on and on. Meanwhile, Barack Obama has pretty much chosen to reappoint the entire cabinet of Bill Clinton. All the papers are screaming ‘Obama wastes no time on economy’! Obama himself is saying there’s no time to waste because the economy is so bad. He said yesterday that if something bold wasn’t done, many experts predict America will lose millions of jobs next year. But there is something else to be seen, if through a glass, darkly. It’s an environmental holocaust, unfolding in the most terrible way. And, unlike with an ailing economy, damage to it can’t just be ‘undone’ We are rushing headlong into oblivion and fast. So what about it, Barack? How ’bout moving with urgency on the environment? Or are you going to point at the Republicans and say, “Look what they’re doing- would you rather have McCAin?” EarthSourceMedia to Barack Obama: Ondalay, mi amigo, ondalay!

Swanzey, New Hampshire:

The third wife of deceased Baseball legend Ted Williams is holding an estate sale, selling all things Ted Williams. One of the most revolting is a mounted shoulder of a buffalo shot by Ted. I don’t know what it is with these baseball player types. Remember when Dave Winfield got arrested for killing a seagull by throwing a baseball at it? Well Ted, you were a great hitter, but what on Earth ever possesed you to shoot a buffalo? Did you at least eat the dam thing? Wear any part of it? Or did you just cut off it’s shoulder like a ghoulish baseball player? Oh, that’s right, you were a ghoulish baseball player. Now you’re dead. Maybe they saved your shoulder in cooperstown. What other items might go up for sale- a pair of Teds baseball cleats with roaches underneath that he squished in the clubhouse? His soiled home-fly swatter? -ESM

Wausau, Wisconsin:

Those poor deer up in Wisconsin- they have to deal with the superior intelligence of the great white hunter every year around this time. On the opening weekend of hunting season, five of those pencil-necked geeks shot each other. According to hunting officials, this is about the normal amount. At least one hunter was killed during a ’roundup’ technique, where one group of hunters walks toward another group of hunters, pushing the deer in front of them. This hunting method shows a kind of intelligence we haven’t seen here at EarthSourceMedia since, since when Ralph Cramden bought a boat with three propellers on ‘The Honeymooners’. Did I ever tell you about my ‘white cat’ theory? It’s where cats that are white don’t get run over as often as, say, black cats. So eventually, all cats will be white. So the theory goes, anyway. Another theory is that all people who like guns will wipe themselves out. Soldiers, hunters, collectors, target shooters, and assorted jerkoffs. So when these folks die, don’t get too upset, it’s natural selection. Sort of the white cat theory. BANG!  Oops- there goes another one. -ESM

Washington, DC:

George W. Bush is saying, ‘Howdy, pardoner’ to a batch of his contemporaries, as he gives presidential pardons to embezzlers, animal poisoners, and scumbags assorted and sundry on his way out of office. The first pardon he gave was to Leslie Owen Collier of Charleston, Missouri. Seems ol’ Lez was putting poison in hamburger meat to kill coyotes and wound up killing many different animals, including 3 Bald Eagles. Bush pardoned him, and a Presidential Pardon is final. I have no idea why that is. It’s like saying the President is above the law. Wrong!   

San Antonio, Texas:

Frederick Jessup, an elder of the Curch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was arrested for performing a marriage between an old man and a young girl who could have been his granddaughter (and may indeed have been). EarthSourceMedia wonders why it is this church worked to take away gay people’s right to marry, but yet they are o.k. with pops marrying tots.

Venezuela:

That old American spin machine just seems to work overtime when it comes to Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. All the mainstream (mainstream, translation: neocon christian pro war anti abortion) American news organizations reported the election results of yesterday’s elections in Venezuela the same way- ‘Chavez Opponents Make Modest Gains’.  Here at EarthSourceMedia, we ‘Speak truth to youth!’, and so here it is: Chavez supporters won 17 of those elections and his opponents won only 5. A truer headline would have been: ‘Elections Show Chavez Has Strong Support’. And Russian war ships too! -ESM 

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia:

Somali-jack o’ the Day’

Those darn Somali Pirates are sure trying hard to get themselves cast in the new Pirates of the Carribean movie. Maybe they’ve got Oscar fever because of Sean Penn’s new movie. This time, they hijacked a Yemeni cargo ship in the Arabian sea. We here at EarthSourceMedia hope the pirates will follow the Japanese to Antarctica and hijack their whaling vessel! Pirates, if you’re reading this, just give it some thought.

Kibati, Congo:

The American Government is very different from other governments. Here’s a good example of why- Congo Government soldiers spent the day looting yesterday, preying on vulnerable refugees they should instead have been protecting. But before we here in America go calling the kettle black, just remember that we did the opposite yesterday. The American Government looted the soldiers, by narrowing the definition of what constitutes a combat-related injury. One soldier who lost his $16,000 disability payment said, “I was blown up twice in Iraq -that’s not combat related?”

Texas:

Jurors found a Muslim Charity called the Holy Land Foundation funneled money to a group called Hamas. According to the U.S., Hamas is a terrorist organization. Here at EarthSourceMedia, we respect the United States opinion on who is a terrorist- it’s like that movie, ‘It takes a thief’. Remember? Only a thief knows the mind of a thief. With the US lying to our own people to start an illegal war where we killed a million Iraqi civilians, kidnapped and tortured world citizens, imprisoned children in a concentration camp and then refused to help our own mentaly traumatized soldiers, hey, we’re experts on terrorism. The judge found the muslim charity and 5 of it’s former leaders guilty on all 108 counts. Here at EarthSourceMedia, we have a partial list of the 108 reasons they were found guilty:

1 They were muslim.  

2 They weren’t christians

3 olive skin color

4 non white

5 Don’t believe in Jesus

6 Their religion tried to steal the angel Gabriel

7 They were Muslim

8 Prayed too much to the wrong God

9 Never paid Gonzales or Cheney

10 See #1

EarthSourceMedia did record a brief outburst by the Texas judge: “Yo’ com inna mah coat-room heah boy? Wid awl dat muzlim sheeit? I senja da hale bowa! To hail!!!!!”

our founder

That’s the news for this 25th day of November, I’m joey racano for EarthSourceMedia saying, “From Toronto to Timbuktu, or anywhere the U.S. Government can track you using your own GPS, Goodnight and go with grace”  -ESM

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EarthSourceMedia Reports for October 29th, 2008

‘No Time to Hate’

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania:

It’s October again, and that means ‘World Series’ to the sports fan. It also means cold weather in much of the United States, which makes it tough when you’re trying to play, as is the case in Philly. The Philladelphia Phillies lead the upstart Tampa Bay Devil Rays 3 games to 1, but the last game is suspended due to rain. So how can a sports addict get a ‘fix’ during the long delay? The real action is Pakistan, where time is running out on the nuclear clock and Bush is sending one missile after another into Pakistani villages to provoke an incident the GOP can use to stop this long-lost election. Our last missile strike killed 8 innocent civilians, but it ain’t over yet. EarthSourceMedia is reporting an Earthquake has killed 170 people and with the U.S. Military looking to ‘mission accomplish’ the world, this could go either way.

Poor Pakistan, you say? Some would agree- a nuclear player themselves, Pakistan has acheived cult status in the U.S. by standing up to India, whom we all deal with when we order a fight on pay-per-view, get our computer fixed or pay the cable bill. And word from India is, they’re no longer satisfied with just nukes; they are going to do a Moon shot,  joining a very elite club. They plan to subdivide for a lunar network of 7-11’s, AM-PM’s and Circle ‘K’s. -ESM

Ohio:

Joe the Plumber has officially endorsed the McCain-Palin ticket for President and Vice President of the United States. While it’s true that Sarah Palin certainly has enough ‘vices’ to qualify for the office she seeks, the jury is still out on wether or not it is a plus for John McCain to get the endorsement of flash-in-the-pan star-for-a-minute Joe the Plumber. Joe doesn’t have a contractors license, owes back money to the IRS and practices a religion that has us all dying in a huge calamity quite soon. Rumor has it that Obama has been endorsed by Joe’s twin brother, ‘Mr. Clean’.

Tennessee:

Secret service agents now say that two white supremecists trying to kill Barack Obama and others were likely too disorganized to actually pull off the dirty deed. The men are apparently related to Beavis and Butthead, and insist they will prove the superiority of the white race as soon as they get their shoe laces to stay tied long enough to reach a grassy knoll.

Nebraska:

In what has become a series of events, yet another child was left at a hospital in Omaha, where a new law allows distraught parents to abandon their kids. In an unusual turn of events, this last kid was 5′ 7″, born in Crawford Texas, had a face like howdy-doody and enjoyed playing real-life army men. When questioned about his parents, the boy would only say they had ”misunderepresented” him.

  Washington DC:

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has repremanded the makers of Bayer Aspirin for illegally marketing their products. Bayer has made unsubstantiated claims that Bayer Womens Low-Dose Aspirin + Calcium and Bayer Aspirin with Health Advantage can battle heart disease and osteoporosis. Treatments for those diseases must be reviewed by government scientists and cannot be sold over the counter.  Other claims, such as Bayer Aspirin works as an aphrodesiac in tea, can replace RU84 in low doses, and was the mystery memory pill in Christina Applegates new Television sitcom remain unsubstantiated. 

Stay tuned next time as EarthSourceMedia shows you how to shoot urine from seltzer bottles and make ex-lax coated aspirin for Halloween distribution- razor blades in apples are so, like, yesterday, y’know?

For Earthsource, I’m joey racano saying, “B-o-o-o-o-o-o!”

 ’No time to Hate!’

jr

EarthSourceMedia Reports for October 27th, 2008

Another day goes by and ‘Decision ‘08′ draws yet closer, conjuring visuals of liberation -such as tall iron gates finally being flung violently open, or impending doom, as in a bunker-buster bomb descending above your bedroom- it depends on your point of view. Tellingly, page B10 of the venerable New York Times is a very large full-page color photo ad for ‘Hardball’ with Chris Mathews saying ‘viewer turnout is way up’. Nice picture, nice guy. I happen to like Mr. Mathews and respect his integrity. What worries me though, is the complete absence of pal Keith Olbermann, who is the best reporter in the world although probably too honest and opinionated for his (careers) own good. Trust me America, the squelching of voices such as his is a threat to our freedom such as ‘terrorism’ could never be.

At this point, it is pretty darn frightening that all the media in the world is owned or controlled by people you could count on one hand; billboards, radio stations, newspapers, movies, record labels, television networks, magazines, soon, even the internet. And all these outlets wash dishes for the same underlying theme- God. God is great- so long as he’s my God and not your God. And you know the God I’m talking about too, the one who just told Reverand Schuller to kick his son the hell out of the show. The one who has his followers running through the jungle chasing down and converting Yanomamis. The one who hates gays, loves guns, makes Sarah Palin speak in tongues, created the multi-verse and everything in it but goddammit, hates it when you masturbate!

Anyway, EarthSourceMedia says:  Free Keith Olbermann! 

Washington DC:

Rejecting the polls, which show Obama with a double-digit lead and opening, Candidate McCain says, “I don’t care what they say, I’m going to win it!”. Maybe he knows something we don’t know. Perhaps Rove, Wolfowitz, Fox News, Rupert Murdoch, Satan and Cheney have already told John ‘the fix is in’. Could be. I’ll just wait for the riots.

Baghdad:

The United States has warned Iraq that if they don’t sign the new pact on status of military forces, all military actions will come to a halt. Iraqi officials are saying it is blackmail, but EarthSourceMedia says, “That will be the fucking day“. We’re bombing Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Syria at the same time, and it’s a lot more likely we’ll start bombing someone else than stop bombing any current bomb-ees. And bombing isn’t the only way we wage war. A photo in todays NY Times shows Iranian President Mahmoud Amadinejad surrounded by bodyguards and looking none too healthy on his feet. Iraqi officials say he’s ‘exhausted’, but I suspect he was poisoned.

Personally, I’m still fuming about the way Amhadinejad was treated by Columbia University’s President Lee Bollinger as the former spoke before the United Nations. It was a classless display of intolerance and bigotry, and I remain aghast that Bollinger presumed to speak for me and our nation. More recently however, Ahmadinejad came before the UN this past September 24th, and he doled it out pretty well himself, saying, “The United States is nearing the end of it’s empire”.  UCLA Professor Jared Diamond’s recent book, ‘Collapse’, and the way Wall Street is dragging world markets down with it both serve to place an exclamation point at the end of Mr. Ahmadinejad’s bold statement. -ESM  

 Columbia, South Carolina:

South Carolina residents overwhelmingly approve of offshore oil drilling, a new poll shows. We at ESM are forced to take this news with the proverbial grain of salt, as these same people approve of slavery, caning, and marrying within the immediate family. 

Shanghai:

Hong Kong food inspectors have found what they believe to be tainted eggs entering the country from China. Tainted eggs have now sickened over 500,000 Chinese. Inspectors identified the eggs from high levels of toxins, a yellowish tinge, and scaly hatchlings with barbed tails that breathed fire. 

Thank you for visiting EarthSourceMedia, always ireverent to the powerful and mindful of the meek. Until next time, this is joey racano saying, “Goodnight, and go with grace”. -ESM

EarthSourceMedia News

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

 ~Special EarthSourceMedia Editorial~

‘Pity the Poor Dictator’ by joey racano

Here at ESM, we sympathize with those facing foreclosure of their homes, particularly those long-time renters, caught off guard with news that their landlords have lost the house but gave no notice to the renter. Indeed, this type of situation has already prompted some of those facing eviction to commit suicide/burn the house down etc. Like turning a light on at 4:00 a.m. and catching the cockroaches partying in the kitchen, it is a perfect illustration of the heartlessness of our leaders that they ignore the plight of people being shown the door and a new life on the street, yet serve up nearly a Trillion Dollars ($1,000,000,000,000.00) to the white collar crooks who caused the economy to collapse. Even more telling is the fact that it is those very same poor who will have to foot the bill!

Now that we know what it is our leaders don’t care about, let us look at what it is they do care about:

In a sudden fit of conscience, outgoing President George W. Bush is calling for a hastily planned ‘economic summit’, to be held two weeks after the upcoming US Presidential election. Perhaps the biggest stumbling block to the planned meeting is that neither Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama nor Republican Presidential candidate John McAin seem willing to attend! Presidential historian Robert Dallek likens the snub to when outgoing and wildly unpopular President Herbert Hoover tried to engage Franklin D. Roosevelt in a similar way. Roosevelt refused. In this case, however, the welfare of the economy of the United States couldn’t possibly be the cause for Bush’s concern.

Military, war and arms expenditures have been taking place -and continue to take place, at about Two Billion Dollars a week, even as emergency rooms and trauma centers are shut down in urban areas that desperately need them.

No, EarthSourceMedia sees this sudden cause-for-care as an attempt to make the life of George W. Bush a bit less embarassing as he fades into his golden years. Like a real-life Mister Magoo, this lame-duck president is heading off into the sunset having left Washington, the Country, the economy, the political system, the judiciary, the Justice Department, the environment and indeed the world, a shambles.

George W. Bush, propped into power by an unethical decision of the US Supreme Court, walked onto the world stage a laughing stock, unable to run a baseball team or an oil company. The anomalous events of September 11th, 2001 catapulted him to world dominance, and from there, he morphed Democracy into Dictatorship, leaving a trail of war, woe, broken treaties and surviellance in his wake. Failure in Iraq and a shriveled world economy have stripped the powder from the wings of this evangelical-who-would-be-king, and he is poised to exit the world stage with drooping shoulders and a legacy of corruption. Even for him, this may be too much to bear.

    Let us pity the poor dictator. -ESM

EarthSourceMedia October 17th, 2008

A group of the downtrodden lay in the grass at what is generally known as ‘ground zero for the free speech movement’, Peoples Park of Berkeley, California. It was nineteen years ago today, October 17th, 1989. At 3:30 in the afternoon, stale, windless air left the fronds of palms drooping straight down, like wet wash on a clothesline. The heat was a force, making it hard to breathe, and I remember saying, “This is earthquake weather”.

An hour later, I emerged from a local church-turned-soup-kitchen, where a guy down on his luck could get his one fair meal a day for a quarter, prompting the locals to dub it the ‘quarter meal’. The heat was still on, though the shadows had grown a bit long. Outside the old brick building on Piedmont Avenue, my dog Misty, rest her soul, sprang up, tail wagging, her one good eye bright at the sight of me.

We crossed the street, and headed down towards our self-appointed job playing guitar for change outside of a Mrs. Fields Cookie store on Telegraph Avenue, the owners of which were always happy at the extra money my blues licks brought in- a 20% increase, I was told. But Misty and I never quite made it that far. As we reached the other side of the street, Misty cowered down and began barking in her round-mouthed ‘I’m spooked’ kind of a way, incessant, woo-woo-woo…I flashed a quick look about and saw nothing amiss. “Whats-a-matter, girl?”

 That’s when the first wave came, the Earth rolling beneath my feet like incoming waves at Coney Island. I never dreamed the Earth would betray me so! ’Hissss!’ went the tall chain-link fence that circled the asphalt ball field atop the parking structure. And ‘Hissss!’ it went again as a second wave rushed beneath our unsteady feet. I later learned that this one, the ‘Loma Prieta’ Earthquake, named for the fault which spawned her, was a ‘roller’, referring to the type of Earth movement involved.

‘Woo-woo-woo!’ went Misty, justifiably agitated by the earthly, yet somehow unearthly events.

Two screaming young students ran for their cars, parked beneath the now tottering structure, and I yelled to them, “Don’t go under there!” We all looked up in time to see the tall pencil-like skyscraper dorms across the way waving in a willy nilly fashion, threatening to fall on us. The screams went on until fear overcame good sense and the girls ran under the parking structure, started their cars and drove wildly off toward Telegraph Avenue.

Misty and I stood a moment, staring off toward Berkeley Marina in the direction of San Franciso. It was all quite downhill, affording me an Eagles perch, the first of two surreal scenes to come. This time, thick black smoke began rising in the far distance, origin unknown, as all manner of alarms, bells honks and grunts began an auditory assault, coalescing into a devilish symphony.

The immediate danger passed, we made our way downtown, through Peoples Park to Telegraph Avenue, where we encountered the second surreal scene, straight from a sci-fi disaster movie, etched in my mind for all of my days. The city had come to a sudden and complete standstill- cars sat strewn about the intersection facing many directions, all stopped and lacking the drivers that might further guide them.

I joined a large crowd that now encircled one car, a tarnished gold something-or-other, which sat in the center of a usually busy intersection. Atop this car sat a worn-out ghetto-blaster, stains of spackle attesting to its many hours on the jobsite. It had become as a fire around which we gathered, having ourselves suddenly become modern cave-people.

For lack of all that was familiar, the large group stood rapt around the worn radio as it chattered off info no one wanted to hear..

“The Mission District is on fire, the Bay Bridge has collapsed, stay in your homes, turn off the gas, World Series play has been stopped on the field; remain calm, the 880 Nimitz Freeway has fallen, many cars reported to be trapped beneath…”

And on and on it went.

I kept scanning the crowd for their curious expressions, their reactions, perhaps measuring the state of my own condition by them. We were ok, I knew that much, but it was more than I could say for everyone. Many died. Many were hurt. And tthough the poor folks in the park lost no property, homes or belongings, we all did lose something that day in October 1989. We lost a sense of peace-of-mind, and the surety that Mother Earth will always be our benevolent nanny.

Giant chunks of space-borne nickel-iron have other cares than the fate of mankind, as they spin their way around the giant clock of the Milky Way. Our destiny is our own, and the great time-keeper resets that clock for no one. And I was there. October 17th, at 5:04PM, 1989.

Dedicated to all who lost their lives in the Loma Prieta earthquake and the heroes who tried to save them.

Joey Racano    

NEWSFLASH:

 This just in: When last we saw our hero ( you know, the last time I posted on this blog that nobody reads) I was protesting in San Diego outside a ‘communty meeting’ San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders had called to ‘bring awareness’ about water conservation. Ha! What an absolute joke, coming from a man who is pro desalination so we can use the water to ok more new developments which will create new demand for yet more water. Now THATS what I call conservation!

Anyway, noone ever challenges these guys I guess because they all take money, or get appointed to some position with a title like, “Grand Requisitor” or something. What I do know for sure is that every environmental group in San Diego has sat by and allowed these scumbags to dump dirty sewage off Point Loma with the last sewage waiver in the state and that shit (pun intended) has got to stop.

But that was the LAST time you saw me, remember?THIS time, I left San Diego and went to do a concert in the redwoods for EARTH FIRST and wound up on KMUD Redwood Community Radio doing a fun-as-hell show with DJ Mark who actually liked my new PS158 CD. He liked it so much that he was late turning down the volume when the songs said colloquialisms like SHIT or FUCK and we got booted off the air for 12 minutes when the only thing that came out of thousands of radios was something like this:

Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhpppkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

But then it snapped back on and we proceeded right dam on with the show. What a crock, I mean, you can’t say ‘boo’ anymore! Of course, you can extort 700 Billion dollars from the poor dopes to give it to wall street so they can continue making believe they’re some ‘housing sector’ or something, but hey- dont cuss! What? Yes, yes, you are free to go kill a million Iraqi kids, but say SHIT? I don’t THINK so young nazi!

Oh look, how cute, honey, little dipshit brain is melting the glaciers! Awww, how cute! But what? He said smegma? OMFG!!!!!!

So, 12 minutes went by and me and DJ Mark (whose shirt, btw said F-U-C-K) sat there in studio, wondering WTF was going on. I finally just realized today as I drove into Cloverdale it was the FCC. Or Nixon’s people- could have been them. Those little bastards.

See ya when I get home to San Diego, and remember folks, if Sarah Palin ever becomes president, could she be any worse than Bush was? No. So stop letting the democrats scare you with that shit. THATS RIGHT, I said SHIT! Shit shit sh…

HiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssHHHHHHHHHpppppppppppppppcccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkfffffffffffffffffft!