The Whole Dam Pacific
On March the eleventh, two thousand eleven
I finally launched my one slice of heaven
a thirteen foot skiff with strong metal oarlocks
and rowed it away from witches and warlocks
I stocked it with food before leaving Japan
prepared to catch fish and so that was my plan
It wasn’t enough that I brought my new phone
I also brought stuff to avoid being alone
There was Charlie Chernobyl, my trusty Iguana
and a milk carton filled with the best marijuana
I bought from Yakuza, a Japanese mobster
whose last parting gift was a still-alive lobster
And so off it was as we rowed out to sea
a lizard, a lobster, my pot stash and me
By noon we were too far to see any land
I cranked up an IPOD to hear a cool band
and just when the solo began to get strong
I noticed the birds headed off to Hong Kong
Tuna and dolphins and whales said vamoose
Something real bad was about to break loose
Snap! Went the lobster, and snip! went the lizard
Queeziness took a good hold on my gizzard
Soon a crescendo of sound came around
Not from the sky but from someplace way down
That’s when a fish shouted ‘evacuation!’
I fumbled my radio onto a station
The radio managed just one garbled word
‘Earthquake’, (which we already knew from the birds)
Charlie Chernobyl
Then in the background, someone called out, ‘Mommy!’
And I braced with both hands for a major tsunami
That’s when a wave went right under my boat
We were ok, and continued to float
One hundred and thirty three feet, that was huge
It made storm surge Katrina seem pro Baton Rouge
But splash! Went the lobster and sploosh! Went the lizard
None could have saved them, not even a wizard
I never looked back toward the sea of Japan
I’m nobody’s genius but am a bright man
The wave had bounced off Fukushima-Daiichi
like Fonz used to do to his poor cousin Ciacci
I just kept on rowing ahead of the glowing
which helped me at night to see where I was going
And just when I thought I was safely away
Two giant creatures burst out of the spray
One was my lizard, turned into Godzilla
and a thousand-foot lobster, now a one-man flotilla
May day, oh may day, I called on the phone
Is anyone out there un-cesium boned?
My mom must be worried, I want to go home
The whole dam Pacific’s a nuclear zone
jr
Tags: accident, canyon, daiiachi, diablo, earthquake, fukushima, japan, joey, nukes, racano, radiation, tsunami, tuna, whales