Archive for September, 2013

The Whole Dam Pacific

Monday, September 2nd, 2013

The Whole Dam Pacific

On March the eleventh, two thousand eleven
I finally launched my one slice of heaven

a thirteen foot skiff with strong metal oarlocks
and rowed it away from witches and warlocks

I stocked it with food before leaving Japan
prepared to catch fish and so that was my plan

It wasn’t enough that I brought my new phone
I also brought stuff to avoid being alone

There was Charlie Chernobyl, my trusty Iguana
and a milk carton filled with the best marijuana

I bought from Yakuza, a Japanese mobster
whose last parting gift was a still-alive lobster

And so off it was as we rowed out to sea
a lizard, a lobster, my pot stash and me

By noon we were too far to see any land
I cranked up an IPOD to hear a cool band

and just when the solo began to get strong
I noticed the birds headed off to Hong Kong

Tuna and dolphins and whales said vamoose
Something real bad was about to break loose

Snap! Went the lobster, and snip! went the lizard
Queeziness took a good hold on my gizzard

Soon a crescendo of sound came around
Not from the sky but from someplace way down

That’s when a fish shouted ‘evacuation!’
I fumbled my radio onto a station

The radio managed just one garbled word
‘Earthquake’, (which we already knew from the birds)

Charlie Chernobyl

Charlie Chernobyl

Then in the background, someone called out, ‘Mommy!’
And I braced with both hands for a major tsunami

That’s when a wave went right under my boat
We were ok, and continued to float

One hundred and thirty three feet, that was huge
It made storm surge Katrina seem pro Baton Rouge

But splash! Went the lobster and sploosh! Went the lizard
None could have saved them, not even a wizard

I never looked back toward the sea of Japan
I’m nobody’s genius but am a bright man

The wave had bounced off Fukushima-Daiichi
like Fonz used to do to his poor cousin Ciacci

I just kept on rowing ahead of the glowing
which helped me at night to see where I was going

And just when I thought I was safely away
Two giant creatures burst out of the spray

One was my lizard, turned into Godzilla
and a thousand-foot lobster, now a one-man flotilla

May day, oh may day, I called on the phone
Is anyone out there un-cesium boned?
My mom must be worried, I want to go home
The whole dam Pacific’s a nuclear zone

jr