EarthSourceMedia

EarthSourceMedia Reports for July 28th, 2010

Hex-On, by EXXON

“Mommy I don’t wanna eat fish no more, mommy!”

“Oh there there, it’s all right now. Just remember what Gramma used to say- ‘boil boil, foil the oil, food won’t spoil, draws won’t soil’!

Does this sound familiar to you? Well now there’s no need to give up fish any longer- after all, fish contain important nutrients for your family to keep them healthy, active and happy- for a life on the go!

Take ‘Hex-On’ Corexit, the pill that detects it- If you’re immersed in dispersant, new ‘Hex-On’ corrects it!’

“Gramma, can I have another fish fillet please?”

“Of course Bobby, you can eat all you want….thanks to ‘Hex-On Corexit!”

So remember folks, when there’s no oil on the surface, danger still lurks below- but now you don’t have to worry- when you use new and improved ‘Hex-On’- by Exxon!

By joey racano

our founder

Tags: bp, exxon, gulf oil spill, macondo, deep water horizon, dick cheney, obama, coexit, corexit 9500, dispersant, oil well, off shore drilling, deep water drilling, water pollution, electric cars, tony hayward, joey racano, earth, source, media

EarthSourceMedia reports for July 17th, 2010

Deep Shit on the Horizon

by joey racano

Garble*Squelch*Hiss*cr-r-r-ackle*Hiss*Pop! Uh, yes, BP this is oil rig, BP this is oil rig come in please over*Pop!

Hiss*Pop!Garble*Cr-r-r-r-ackle-Hiss*Pop!Yes oil rig this is BP what’s happening down there over*Pop!

*Well has been sealed for prescribed*(inaudable)*Pop! and the crisis is over*Hiss-crackle-pop-hiss-scratch*Pop!

*Hiss*Pop-garble*Crack-Pop rice crispies*Pop!Roger that oil rig, good job*Pop!Now dump eighty thousand tons more of Corexit 9500 and three trillion tons Corexit 9527 and bring it on home, you’ve earned a bud, over*Pop! Hiss*Crackle*Pop!

*Roger that Tony, we’re comin’ home!* Pop!

R-r-r-r-i-n-g!   R-r-r-r-i-n-g!

“Hello?”

“Barack, it’s Tony, I…” CLICK!

R-r-r-r-i-n-g!

“Hello?”

“Comeon Mr. President, don’t hang up! It’s Tony and I just wanna tell you how sorry we…”

CLICK!

*Hiss*Click*Pop!BP this is oil rig this is an emergency over?Pop!*Clickle*Pop-hiss*Fizzle*

*Go ahead rig whaddaya got bobby?”

R-R-R-R-UMBLE-R-R-R-U-M-B-L-E!

*Crack*hizzy-pop*Hiss*Crack*It looks like we may have a problem, over*

*Crackle*What’s going on out there now, Go@$dam@it? I want my freakin’ life back!

*Pop! Uh sir, it looks like the gauges are showing a sharp plunge in pressure in the wellhead and the groud is starting to display*Crackle*Shake-shake-*seismic activity, sorta like a volcano or- or- Omygod!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Blech- blubbb-blurp-blupp-blecccch-belch-blurpity-blup-blubb…

*Crackle-pop!*Hiss*Bobby, come back over, are ya there bob?*Pop!

“Mr.Jindal, come back over this is BP, Bobby it’s Tony over come on?”Pop!

BLUP  BLUB….

(sirens, air raid sirens everywhere worldwide,

R-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_OO_O_O_OO_OO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN PLEASE REMAIN CALM THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR  THIS IS NOT A TEST PLEASE REMAIN IN YOUR HOMES UNLESS YOU LIVE WITHIN 2000 MILES OF THE WATER OR ARE ALERGIC TO BENZENE METHANE SELENIUM OR COREXITS 9500 OR 9527 THIS IS NOT A TEST WE URGE YOU TO REMAIN CALM BP HAS THIS UNDER CONTROL THERE WILL BE MANY JOBS CREATED STAND BY DO NOT PANIC I REPEAT…

R-R-R-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our founder

Tags: bp, bp petroleum, british petroleum, bp oil spill, gulf oil spill, gulf spill, tony hayward, bobby jindal, louisiana, louisiana governor, catastrophe, oil slick, doomsday, revelation, corexit 9500, corexit 9527, corexit, dispersant, toxic, toxicity, lava lamp effect, bateravia, marsh, shrimpers, deepwater horizon, macando, wellhead, arco, obama, disaster response, offshore drilling, global warming, top kill, top hat, gulf gusher, oiled wildlife, fish kill