EarthSourceMedia reports for July 17th, 2010
Deep Shit on the Horizon
by joey racano
Garble*Squelch*Hiss*cr-r-r-ackle*Hiss*Pop! Uh, yes, BP this is oil rig, BP this is oil rig come in please over*Pop!
Hiss*Pop!Garble*Cr-r-r-r-ackle-Hiss*Pop!Yes oil rig this is BP what’s happening down there over*Pop!
*Well has been sealed for prescribed*(inaudable)*Pop! and the crisis is over*Hiss-crackle-pop-hiss-scratch*Pop!
*Hiss*Pop-garble*Crack-Pop rice crispies*Pop!Roger that oil rig, good job*Pop!Now dump eighty thousand tons more of Corexit 9500 and three trillion tons Corexit 9527 and bring it on home, you’ve earned a bud, over*Pop! Hiss*Crackle*Pop!
*Roger that Tony, we’re comin’ home!* Pop!
“Barack, it’s Tony, I…” CLICK!
“Comeon Mr. President, don’t hang up! It’s Tony and I just wanna tell you how sorry we…”
*Hiss*Click*Pop!BP this is oil rig this is an emergency over?Pop!*Clickle*Pop-hiss*Fizzle*
*Go ahead rig whaddaya got bobby?”
*Crack*hizzy-pop*Hiss*Crack*It looks like we may have a problem, over*
*Crackle*What’s going on out there now, Go@$dam@it? I want my freakin’ life back!
*Pop! Uh sir, it looks like the gauges are showing a sharp plunge in pressure in the wellhead and the groud is starting to display*Crackle*Shake-shake-*seismic activity, sorta like a volcano or- or- Omygod!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Crackle-pop!*Hiss*Bobby, come back over, are ya there bob?*Pop!
“Mr.Jindal, come back over this is BP, Bobby it’s Tony over come on?”Pop!
(sirens, air raid sirens everywhere worldwide,
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN PLEASE REMAIN CALM THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR THIS IS NOT A TEST PLEASE REMAIN IN YOUR HOMES UNLESS YOU LIVE WITHIN 2000 MILES OF THE WATER OR ARE ALERGIC TO BENZENE METHANE SELENIUM OR COREXITS 9500 OR 9527 THIS IS NOT A TEST WE URGE YOU TO REMAIN CALM BP HAS THIS UNDER CONTROL THERE WILL BE MANY JOBS CREATED STAND BY DO NOT PANIC I REPEAT…
Tags: bp, bp petroleum, british petroleum, bp oil spill, gulf oil spill, gulf spill, tony hayward, bobby jindal, louisiana, louisiana governor, catastrophe, oil slick, doomsday, revelation, corexit 9500, corexit 9527, corexit, dispersant, toxic, toxicity, lava lamp effect, bateravia, marsh, shrimpers, deepwater horizon, macando, wellhead, arco, obama, disaster response, offshore drilling, global warming, top kill, top hat, gulf gusher, oiled wildlife, fish kill