The Doctor is IN- Manchurian Psychiatrist

 The Doctor is IN

The Doctor is IN

EarthSourceMedia reports for Friday, November 6th, 2009

The Doctor is IN- Manchurian Psychiatrist

Fort Hood, Texas

Another beautiful day in the US Military- job security, respect, buddies, chores. And as a military psychiatrist, let’s face it, there’s always someone to work on, if you’re country is in one war after another.  Ah, my office! Little birdies singing in the Juniper bushes out front, trickling water from the zen garden in the side yard, and the fresh flowers delivered in time for Turkey Day on my desk. Another beautiful day in the US military!

“Major Hasan?” asked the researcher.

“Please, call me Nidal, it’s so much more friendly”, he answered.

“Button your lip, Major! This is war, not a social networking date!”

“Yes sir, sorry sir!”

“Lie down on the uncomfortable bunk provided and answer these questions”.

“OK- how long is this going to take? I promised old lady huggins I’d take her to the PX to shop for stationary. She just loves to write to her grandchil-…”

“Major!! Atten, Atten- HUT!! Put a cork in it Major Hasan or I’ll have the Sargeant of Arms here put his boot so far up your ass you’ll be shitting baby shoes for a month is that clear Major?!”

“Sir yes sir- but, do you mind if I use the rest room first?”

“Dicipline Major, dicipline”!

“Yes sir!”

“Now- when I say a word, I want you to sing out with the first thing that comes to mind, do you understand that, Major Hasan?”

“Yes I do sir, and please, call me Naddie, everyone on base does.”

“Sargeant, kick this maggot in the face three times please!”.

“Yessir…uhh-uggh-UNgh!!”

“That’s better. Now do you have anything else to say, ‘naddie’?”

“….unnnh, no..no sir, I do not”.

“Very well. That will be all now Sargeant, just wait outside the door please.”

“OK Major- the first word is ‘sniper’. Major, why are you smiling at the word sniper?”

“Well sir, sniper makes me think of window, and window reminded me that I forgot to fill the Hummingbird feeder. Thinking of those little hummers just puts a smile on my…”

“Silence! You little non-marching petty pansy! Get yer shit togetherrrrr!”

“Sorry sir.”

“The next word is ‘skin graft’. Major, why are you smiling at the phrase ‘skin graft’?”

“Well sir… being from Washington, I’m a huge fan of the Redskins, and I’ll be durned if it doesn’t remind me of just who the skins will draft in the first round picks this year! That Bobby whats his name from the University of-”

“ShutTheHellUp!”

“Yes sir”.

“Blitzkreig?”

“Shock and Awe, sir”.

“Patriot Act?”

“Umm…Hitler’s Enabling Act? King Georges ‘Writ of Assistance?”

“World Trade Center?”

“Riechstag Fire!”

“Good good- Rifle?”

“Shoot!”

“Excellent! Howitzer?”

“Explosion!”

“Nice! Bullets?”

“Gunshots!”

“Perfect! Now you’re getting there, soldier. Napalm?”

“Burning flesh!”

“Great! Gangrene?”

“Childhood puss-leg!”

“Family?”

“Target!”

Easter Bonnet?”

“Grenade!”

Sunday school?”

“Terror cell!”

Cheney?”

“Jesus!”

“Goats milk?”

“Kill mother!”

“Papparazzi?”

“Kill father!”

“Jello pudding?”

“Kill babies!”

“Swine flu?”

“Quarantine trouble makers!”

“Holy bible?”

“Burn Mosques!”

“Daisy?”

“Machine gun!”

(*click*)

“Major, what are you doing with that machine gun?”

(*cha-chuck*)

“Put that down right now! Wha- where What are you doing with all those bullets?”

“Brat-ta-tat-a-tat-a-tat!!!”   “Bing pop pow boierrrr-pop pop pow BLAM!!”

Boom boom boom pop pop tatta tatta tatta POP POW BOOM!!!

Next day’s headlines- 12 dead, no one knows why- nice man- no sign of trouble- loved humming birds-

Well thanks for joining us here on ESM, stay tuned next time for, “Passing the Torture Torch…”

Hope

our founder

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