EarthSourceMedia Reports for November 2nd, 2009


Take me out to the ballgame

fake me out with the crowd

find me some pea brains completely whacked

wipe out their minds that they’ll never get back’


by joey racano

(‘Baseball Tonite’ music)

“Hi, everybody and welcome to the 2009 World Series, Phillies versus the New York Yankees, and here to throw out the first pitch is Marine Staff Sargeant Bilpowitz, who lost both arms in a firefight at a Fallouja checkpoint while wiping out a family of five. He’ll be aided by his wife sherry, who is set to deploy to Afghanistan right after tonights game, which is brought to you by ‘An-Gel’, the one toothpaste you can still take on a plane! As they say, ‘pick up some An-Gel and watch the Catholic girls go wild!”

(Sherry throws ball for hubby to loud applause)

“By the way, Sherry is looking for a baby sitter for the next 6 years, so if anyone…” (crowd roars)

“We’ll get to tonight’s pitching matchup in a moment, but first let’s welcome Vice Rear Admiral Kowalski from the Navy’s 7th Fleet, to sing our national anthem, accompanied by the 3rd Shock and Awe division military all-star band”.

(crowd quiets)

(Deep baritone…)…Ooooooh beau- teeee-full, forspacious skies….

(song ends, crowd cheers)

“Absolutely lovely rendition of our…huh? …Wha?….”

“Oh, oh yes, I just got word from the booth we aren’t allowed to say the word ‘rendition’ on Direct TV”…

“And now for the Yanks it’ll be Derek Jeter, batting leadoff…Huh? Wha?…”

“Well fer christ sakes, I didn’t SAY Maddoff, I said LEAD off, and…”

“Oh, anyway, let’s pause right here to allow your local stations to identify themselves.”

(“You’re watching the 2009 World Series on Alcatraz Prison Network, brought to you in conjunction with Homeland Security Industries, specializing in containment as well as entertainment, confinement and mind re-alignment, pharmaceutacles, cubicles, happy-pills and shooting skills. We now return you to our regularly scheduled program”).

“Welcome back to the 2009 World Series Fall classic, where Alex Rodriguez has just doubled in two runs and at the end of 4 innings of play it’s all tied up…Huh?  Wha..?   Um, I’ve just been informed that during the Dick Cheney torture trial we can’t talk about being tied up on Direct TV. Anyway, as we head to the fifth inning, let’s all rise for the singing of, “God Loves America a lot more than those different-colored peoples countries”, to be sung by the lovely and talented Betsy-Ross Farmsworth, Petty Officer third class and distand relative of Betsy Ross of the flag-sewing fame.”

(sings song of ultra nationalism and xenophobia to the cheering throngs of poorly educated white men…)

“Now it’ll be the cleanup hitter for the Phillies, who hits one deep off the Yankee reliever, deep, way back, back back back back back back back back…and it’s over the fence, and it now appears to have struck the large 100 foot cross held by the statue of Richard Nixon out in the center field bleachers, and may have injured the man with the rainbow hair and JOHN:316 sign! Folks, we’ll be back after this- what a shot!”

(Baseball Tonight’ music)

“All right, it’s a Phillie lead as we go into the 7th inning stretch, and will everyone please rise and put your hands over your ears as the B-1 P117 stealth fighter bomber napalm missile launching depth charge dropping nuclear fissionmaster machine gunning fuel air explosive nuetron laser radio-scoppic armor piercing infra red heat seeking terror tracking bunker busting peace love harmony bringer does a fly over of Qual-ca-traz stadium please? You might want to use the ear plugs provided by the nice folks from ‘Keep-it-WHITE- Phosphorous company, and we do thank them”.

(foreboding jets of armaggedden streak across the sky, sucking in geese and spitting them out as down, sprinkling feathers over the crowd, who roar their approval…)

“With the bases loaded here and two out, game 1 pitch away from ending, let’s welcome Corporal ‘point-an-shoot’ Carter, as he sings a song from his wildly successful ‘More than a refugee to me’ album, friends, here’s Corporal Carter singing, “Blessed are the Bombs, if they’re red white and blue'”.

(low buzz over the Qual-ca-traz stadium)…

“Oh dear lord, you know you know its true

that the good folks of the USA are exceptional to you

and it’ll always be the one true truth, so give ol’ America it’s due-

Blessed are the bombs

if they’re red white and blue!

We searched the worlds religions

we scoured every shore

we read the worlds religious books

we kicked down every door

we over saw elections

when we couldnt control our own

we couldnt save lives but we saved our money

bombing with a drone

We invaded, tortured, hung and killed

and ducked every well thrown shoe…

but blessed are the big bad bombs

if they’re red and white

spreading fright

plunging the world into night

making money when we fight..

Oh, Blessed are the Bombs

if they’re red, white and blue”

(stadium in stunned silence)


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