~When things Collide!~

When things Collide!

EarthSourceMedia Reports for February 17th, 2009

~When things Collide!~

(suspenseful music from horn-section….)

The world has gotten pretty weird- people don’t pay attention to an impending police state or a runaway climate- but everyones worried about killer peanuts!! Anyway, welcome to the program. Tonight, it’s a real smash-up, a total head-banger.

(kick in with sexy saxophone…)

~When things Collide!~

 “My name is Friday.

…I work Thursday through Monday, off Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and I carry a Saturday night special. This is Moody, my partner. He’s pretty stable, but his name is moody. We work cold cases, sometimes on hot nights. This one was different though. Everything about it screamed, ‘watchout you idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!'”

(Theme from ‘When things Collide’…)

It started a few days ago, when………….” (everything gets wavy and blurry)….

 ~When things Collide!~  

Starring:

joey racano………….Detective Friday

John Willibonkers……Detective Moody

Mighty Casey………….Baseball Player

Wrong-Way Korrigan…Sub Commander 1

A ‘Head-On’ Production

“It was late when we got the call- a French and a British Submarine were both out on routine nuclear patrols in the Atlantic Ocean when the French sub, (carrying a crew of 111 and 15 nuclear missiles) the Le Triomphant collided with the HMS Vanguard, which carried a crew of 40 and 16 Lockheed trident D5 missiles. Nothing really to worry about, just a couple bakers dozen nukes and a collision between two nuclear-powered submarines. I guess you could say it turned out ‘rad’. I mean, who would believe the bungling militarys of the world could flirt with disaster like that and get off so lucky? Had things gone just slightly different, a lot of bad stuff could have leaked out. Ah, what’s the use- everybody already knows all these navys scuttle their nuclear subs in the north Sea anyway! I guess it’s a sort of bioluminescence envy, right?

Anyway, that’s about when the next report came in.

(sound of short-wave radio….)

Well jeepers creepers, I said when i read the tale of the tape- it was coming in like a horror-comedy-melodrama all rolled into one. The hair on my neck stood up like it had been rubbed with the Bullwinkle balloon from the Macys Thanksgiving Day Parade:

Dot-Dash_dot-dot-   -privately owned-Iridium sattellite– dot-dash-dashetty-do-da-dash- collided-with-russian-out-of-service-communication-satellite-in low-Earth-orbit-dash-dot-dot-do-da-ditty-ditty-dash-a-muh-bob…

I put down the book I was reading and listened intently to the communication. What an amazing sequence of dents and events! I wasn’t really enjoying the book anyway- ‘When Worlds Collide’. It had been written in 1933 by Philip Wylie and Edwin balmer- had they known something we didn’t know? It certainly seemed like it! So, two subs and now two satellites? Hmm. Maybe there was a connection! After all, the internet runs on satellites, cell phones run on satellites, TV, cable, heck, lot’s of stuff runs by satellite now so why not submarines? It would certainly explain the collisions! One thing must have led to another!

My head began to ache. Too much thinking, deducing, weighing the facts, figures and possibilities. The probabilities, the improbabilities and -argh! Enough of that! I switched on the TV and kicked back in my favorite lounge chair- there must be a game on. It was time to relax. Yes! Baseball! Perfect way to get away from this collision-mania. Ah, the Red Sox vs the Yankees, and wouldn’t you know it, two outs, bottom of the ninth and bases are loaded! Uh-oh, this guy looks like he can hit it out of the park, and so I turn up the volume and pop a beer-

‘YES FOLKS, TWO OUT, NINTH INNING, SCORE TIED AT TWO AND HERE COMES CASEY- THE PITCHER WINDS AND DELIVERS AND ITS HIT DEEP! DEEP TO LEFT-CENTER FIELD AND JONES COMES RACING OVER FOR IT! UH-OH, HERE COMES SMITH RACING FROM THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION! tHE BALL IS SINKING RIGHT BETWEEN THEM, CASEY ROUNDING THE BASES, AND JONES AND SMITH ARE ABOUT TO- OH! oH MY GOODNESS, JONES AND SMITH HAVE COLLIDED AND THE BALL ROLLS BACK TO THE…..

bazeball

Of all the rotten luck! I turned off the TV in a huff and picked the book back up. I guess this just wasn’t gonna be my day, no sir. 

I’m joey racano reporting for EarthSourceMedia saying, from the outer reaches of the atmosphere to the depths of the sea, keep your eyes peeled, your head up and watch where the hell you’re going!

joey

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Tags: science fiction, submarine collision, satellite collision, missile, when worlds collide, baseball, police state, internet, earth, source, media, peanuts

One Response to “~When things Collide!~”

  1. swan says:

    Sounds like nuclear slapstick! Did you see where the fireball came streaking out of the sky and torched a cow pasture north of Austin?

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