Archive for February, 2009

~’Night-night, Satellite’~

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

Mercy Mission 

EarthSourceMedia Reports for February 25th, 2009

~Night-night, Satellite~

Snowy Glacier, Antarctica:

Antarctica; ‘primordial ice castle,

isle of white- final frontier of all that is right’

(against a backdrop of steady, roaring wind) …”Dr. Rixmuffin, the new satellite data has come in. You want to wait until…?”

“No, let’s look at it right away. Back to the tent-bunker”.

(wind quiets as they enter tent) …”Tell me Doctor, the graphics are very colorful, but what does it all mean?”

(removing snowshoes) …”Well, the pink represents the ice cover, and the blue is open ocean water. See how it’s changed from 2005 to 2006? It’s worse than we thought. We can’t wait any longer- it’s time to send up the Taurus XL. Call washington”.

 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington, DC

(Handsome well-dressed black man handles red phone) … “So like I said, Emperor, we simply don’t have the $3,000,000,000,000 at this time. The solution is that we’ll have to work together to stabilize the gulf, and end the wars, saving the US two billion a week– that’s a trillion annually, much of which can be redirected to pay off the…”

‘Uh, Sir?

I’m sorry sir, it’s Dr. Rixmuffin from Base 12 in Antarctica, he says it’s urgent”.

“Emperor, I have to let you go, please accept my gratitude for your patience and humble thanks for the honor of your friendship. Michelle? Of course I’ll tell her you said it, I know she feels the same way-goodbye”.

“OK, what’ve we got Randall?”

(hands him the phone)…

“Mr. President? Dr. Rixmuffin here, Base 12; the European satellite data has come back with significantly less pink and substantially more blue. I think you know what it means- there’s no time to argue between the parties.”

“It’s not really an argument Steve; China is opening a new coal-fired power plant every three days, we owe them a ton of money, and the only resource America still has is coal.  The only realistic way we can pay off the debt is to mine more coal and send it to China. It’s a tough call- those are jobs that vote democratic, but the climate is rising. This will spiral out of control if we don’t act right away- we’ll have to show the danger of burning more coal! I agree with you, it’s time to send up the Taurus XL.”

A,T&T Headquarters Building:

(four sharp knocks, followed by a whistle)

“Enter, agent 9.”

“Thanks- wow, what a cool little room this is! All this electronic gear! And ATT is ok with this?”

“Sorry 9, that kind of thing is all ‘need-to-know’. For right now, we’re monitoring the conversation between the Whitehouse and Antarctica, and I don’t think MRC is gonna like what I’m recording-listen to this!” (click* ‘it’s not really an argument, steve- china is opening a new coal-fired power plant every three days, and…)

“Yikes! We recorded the Whitehouse?!”

“Hell yes- National security, project M.E.R.C.Y. We’d better get this to MRC right away.”

“And MRC is..?”

“MERCY. Stands for Murdock Rove Cheney“.

“As in Rupert Karl and Dick? What do they care?”

NASA HQ at Vandenberg Air Force Base, Lompoc, California:

“Project Manager Brunschwyler, how may I help you?”

“Mr. Brunschwyler? Please hold for the President of the United States.”

(turn that down, turn it down!! I think this might really be…)

“Mr. Brunschwyler?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you, one moment.”

“John?”

“Yes sir!”

“Barack Obama. I hope your day is going better than mine is.”

“I-uh, I-I…”

“The reason I’m calling is, your country needs you John. Is that satellite of yours ready to go out into orbit?”

“Yes sir, standing by for your order, sir.”

“Get it done. Dr. Rixmuffin will see to it you have everything you need. And John?”

“Sir?”

“I’m counting on you.”

“Yes sir!”

(hangs up phone)…”OK everybody, look alive, it’s showtime!” (cheers, shouts)…

Gargoyle Mountain, Montana:

(Deep within the Cheney Fortress, cauldrens smoking, vats bubbling, lights flashing, electrodes warping, vroomp, vroomp, vroomp!)…

*hisssss-click-sizzle* M.E.R.C.Y M.E.R.C.Y, come in mother mercy-whirr-click-hiss*

(view from behind, bald head in swivel chair, whirls around- revealing man in white scientists smock)..

“Mother M.E.R.C.Y., go ahead.”

*Mr. Cheney, we’ve intercepted a relevant transmission, sir- should be arriving in the…* whir-click-hisssss*

“Got it. Good job- now, delete this recording, any record or transcripts and e-mails immediately. Also, blow up any private aircraft carrying former webmasters ASAP- Mother M.E.R.C.Y. out!”

*Out-hiss-click*

Melbourne, Australia:

ooooga   ooooga   ooooga! “Murdoch, go ahead United States.”

“Rupert? This is Dick- we’ve got a big one- NASA is about to launch-”

“How many times have I told you, Richard? Just take care of it! I’m up to my ass in complaints about the chimp cartoon in the NY Post! I’m trying to keep war crimes off the front pages, but I can only run so many stories honoring the burn victims, y’know!!? Even 9-11 isn’t working since the bottom dropped out!”

“Rupert, it’s a satellite to measure carbon and identify natural heat sinks, like forests. It can’t take off!”

“Richard, you’re overreacting! The Europeans already have a satellite and no one’s paying any attention-”

(in background: “yeah darth, you’re over reacting! Hey, what happened to getting Libby a pardon? Ha ha ha har-dee har!”)..

“Who is that?”

“Nothing, Richard, it’s Karl fooling around on the extension is all, he’s been drinking, let him alone- *karl-hushup!*

“Dr. Rixmuffin’s paying attention, Rupert- and so’s America’s new darling! We don’t need a mom and apple pie American satellite blasting off and corraborating the European data! The oil companies don’t want it, the logging companies don’t want forests to be seen as ‘heat sinks’, ‘clean coal’ doesn’t want it, and for the love of god, Rupert, that satellite better not take off!”

NASA, Vandenberg Air Force Base, Lompoc, California:

“OK people, look alive, and we’ve got T-minus 10! Propulsion?”

“Pro is a ‘go!”

“Nine! Thermal sheilding?”

“Sheilds are ‘go!”

“Eight! Coolant?”

“Go, sir!”

“Seven! -power plant?”

“All go!”

“Six! Five! Four! Ground?”

“(yawn) Ground is go, sir.”

“Always cool, aren’t you Epstein? 🙂 Three!”

Two!” One! and Mark!”

“Ignition, liftoff!!”

(bright burn, roaring and thunder)…

Burbank California:

“Hi everybody, this is Johnny Zinger for ABZ news, and from the mountains to the prarie, welcome- tonight we bring you a special report on the OBAMA HELICOPTER controversy, the PEANUT BUTTER doomsday scenario, and the horror of STEROIDS in SPORTS! Oh, and also, we’ll cover that little launch of a carbon monitoring satellite from Vandenberg- but first this word from today’s ARMY- an army of one! (news program music)…

A,T&T Headquarters Building:

(four sharp knocks, followed by a whistle)

“You may enter, agent nine- what’s the word?”

“Well, M.E.R.C.Y. says the Orbiting Carbon Observatory is ‘ixnay on the arbon-cay’. And no more money for Orbital Sciences Corporation, either. Says we push the little square clicker button on the remote at three minutes in.”

“And what’s that gonna do?”

“Just what the man said- ‘ixnay on the arbon-cay’ . Chevron, Exxon and Clean Coal say no way on the arbon cay– satellite must not launch.”

Vandenberg AFB, Lompoc, California:

“Sir, the launch is vibrating a bit.”

“What’s the heat-ometer reading?”

“Normal. But the flux-tramitozometer says there’s an extra 13 ounces on board we can’t account for.”

“Steady as she goes.”

“Aye.”

Burbank California:

“Hi everybody, this is Johnny Zinger for ABZ news, back again and we take you now to Vandenberg Air Force Base, where they appear to be having some trouble with the $280,000,000 dollar satellite finally being launched after 9 years of work and planning. The crowd is surprisingly large for a 2:00am rocket launch, all necks craned way back as the rocket goes into ‘pitch and yaw’.

Wait-wait- hold it- it’s arching down now, a sweeping pattern of fire in the sky, trailing down, ever downward towrd the earth once again- I’m not sure it’s supposed to be doing this, but no-no NOOO!!!!”

silence

Everybody, this is Johnny Zinger for ABZ news saying the satellite has crashed into the ocean just off of Antarctica. Into the ocean where ice should be. Into the warming waters. For ABZ news, this is Johnny Zinger saying, stay tuned for news at 11:00, where OSCAR reigns supreme!

“(And) somewhere out in the eternal ink of space, one more species crash lands

one more race of intersteller butterfly, caught in its own cocoon

fails to shed the cosmic umbilical cord, and no one noticed

and no diety cared, as both cry and tears froze

in the cold impartial vaacum of a forever night’

joey racano 2009

 joey

our founder

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Tags: taurus xl, john brunschwyler, orbital sciences corp, vandenberg air force base, orbiting carbon observatory, barack obama, nasa, global warming satellite, climate change, antarctica, michelle obama, diety, space, oscar

Stained Glass Ego Parlor

Friday, February 20th, 2009

 OBEY!

EarthSourceMedia Reports for February 20th, 2009

~’The Stained Glass Ego Parlor’~

by joey racano

There is a place. Yes, folks, there is a place indeed. A place that points up the folly of mankind and the hypocracy of religion like no other place on Earth. A place of insatiable greed and unknowable egomania. Located in Garden Grove, California, this place is called the ‘Crystal Cathedral’- the:

~Stained Glass Ego Parlor~

First, let me tell of my own experience with this many-story glass abomination; just a short distance away, is located the Orange County Dog Pound. I remember the dogs all barking, all suffering, my dog among them. But unlike some of the others, I was there to spring my dog from a different abomination. Yelp yelp, bark bark howl cry. And what, I wondered, were they all saying? It could have been something like:

“Kill me fast, or kill me slow,

but that disgusting display of christian vulgarity

has GOT TO GO!”

And now, let’s join our story, already in progress (for 2000 years)…

A few days ago, at 9:30 in the morning, yet another line of amazed foreign tourists were, well- touring– touring the Crystal Cathedral. The people and banter have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent, but the facts and event are real:

~Stained Glass Ego Parlor~

“Welcome to the Cathedral, would you like to make a large donation today?” asked one of the two ‘greeters’ at the gem-encrusted portal (located quite close to a desperately poor neighborhood).

“Sva, jess, jess, vee vould like do make zee donazzion, yah, yah. How mudge do gedd do Evan, yah?” asked one elderly tourist.

“Ain’t none of us going to heaven, sweety”, answered the other door lady chewing her gum loudly. “Donations go in here, thank you, and Jesus thanks you, and Reverand Schueller thanks you”, she finished, slipping the cash portion into her hip pocket. She then excused herself to ‘use the bathroom’, and put the money out in her car. Every few thousand helps, ya know. After all, if she wasn’t supposed to be stealing from Reverand Scheuller what Reverand Scheuller was stealing from the nice lady, then why did God get her this job working the door at the stained glass ego parlor in the first place? ‘Baby need a new pair o’ shoes’, and all.

“Right this way, watch your step please, chop-chop- there’s another bus coming in about 20 minutes, so, oops- careful dear, that’s right”.

“Oooh! Ahhh!” said the tourists, relieved of their worldy cares -and cash- as they gazed in awe at the gargantuan glass structure. Cavernous is a good discription. We at EarthSourceMedia think that cavern may indeed lead straight to hell.

“Step over here, no, pay no attention to that” she tells them as a well-dressed security guard drags a destitute spanish-speaking mother out of the building by her hair.

“Madres pappino, madre o’ jesus, my fama-lee starving, pleeze, pleeze let me stay and pray please!!” she pleaded.

Her pleas fell on deaf ears.

“Sorry Lolita, but there’s a dress code here, and your skin ain’t dressed in the right color, kapish amigo? said the man, depositing her in the alley out back and blowing hair from his open palm.

“Now this,” the tour guide lady continued, “is where we line up at the illuminated cross and hear all about our new suicide prevention program. That’s it, single line, please, good, good. After spending $400 Jillion Ka-tramillion ba-dillion quillion dollars on rings, buckles babes bras and booze, the generous reverend decided to do something for the community with the four dollars and 18 cents remaining for fiscal 2008, so what better, he thought, than create a suicide prevention program?”

Just then, there was a small commotion at the door, as a 43-year old homeless man walked into the cathedral and handed the two receptionists a wallet, a California drivers Lisence and a small donation wrapped in a brief note.

“SHHHHHHHHHH!” said the ladies, as though it were a library. “Quiet!” they admonished. “Do you want the lord to choke on his angel hair pasta?”

“Umm, sorry ma’am” the man whispered respectfully. “Here” he whispered, “you may want this” he said, handing her a note. “Sorry!”, and he walked over to kneel at the illuminated cross.

“Well I never!” snipped the lady with the pocket full of cash, about to make another car run. “Anyway, we here at the Crystal cathedral know that God can’t help but be watching because the glass shines so -especially in the sunlight, whenever the Orange County smog lifts every Christmas morning- and besides, even God couldn’t miss something this tall!” “Well, knowing we’re watched as well as being special to God, what with all the dough we raise, we decided to take our new program seriously. The way we keep folks from getting too desperate is to communicate. LISTEN to them.”

Meanwhile, the 43 year old homeless man kneeling at cross says to her, “Ma’am? Ma’am, can I ask…”

“Not now! the tour guide lady snarls at him, “Can’t you see I’m talking about something important?!!”

“Now, where was I…Oh, yes, our suicide program…we take care to LISTEN to the downtrodden, the poor, the destitute, the CHOSEN PEOPLE of JESUS.”

Nearby, the kneeling man has quietly drawn a gun from his dirty pants, takes a last look around the temple and places it to his temple.

“So, being as there is a great need in the community, the reverand decided to go without a pedicure this week, and…”

BLAM! the single shot rang out through the cathedral.

“Oye my Gvod! screamed the touristas-on-tour. “Oye my Gvod!”

“Oh, now don’t worry about the mess. That poor soul is gonna catch HECK for messin’ up that floor in about 30 more seconds by you-know-who- can y’all just wait a minute while I take care of this? I’m truly dreadfull sorry-…”

She takes out a small walkee-talkee

“Security? Security, we have another  ‘dropper’ at the I-cross, note this is a ‘dropper’ turned ‘checker-outer’. Please 86 ASAP on aisle 7 near the used-communion wafer bucket- thank you.”

“Now, where were we? Oh yes, so, we LISTEN, we CARE, we HEAR and we RESPOND. Now, you may say to yourself, ‘why would these busy people care, and how would these important people find the time and the love in their hearts, to…’….”

(for the homeless man) this is THE END

I’m joey racano for EarthSourceMedia, saying, from the troops praying on Easter before going out to the kill zone, to the secret vats at Anhouser Busch where they make the holy water, goodnight and sleep on your guns.

 our founder

our founder

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   Tags: crystal cathedral, troops, easter, suicide, povery, hipocracy, stealing, garden grove, christianity, religion, war,

~When things Collide!~

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

When things Collide!

EarthSourceMedia Reports for February 17th, 2009

~When things Collide!~

(suspenseful music from horn-section….)

The world has gotten pretty weird- people don’t pay attention to an impending police state or a runaway climate- but everyones worried about killer peanuts!! Anyway, welcome to the program. Tonight, it’s a real smash-up, a total head-banger.

(kick in with sexy saxophone…)

~When things Collide!~

 “My name is Friday.

…I work Thursday through Monday, off Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and I carry a Saturday night special. This is Moody, my partner. He’s pretty stable, but his name is moody. We work cold cases, sometimes on hot nights. This one was different though. Everything about it screamed, ‘watchout you idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!'”

(Theme from ‘When things Collide’…)

It started a few days ago, when………….” (everything gets wavy and blurry)….

 ~When things Collide!~  

Starring:

joey racano………….Detective Friday

John Willibonkers……Detective Moody

Mighty Casey………….Baseball Player

Wrong-Way Korrigan…Sub Commander 1

A ‘Head-On’ Production

“It was late when we got the call- a French and a British Submarine were both out on routine nuclear patrols in the Atlantic Ocean when the French sub, (carrying a crew of 111 and 15 nuclear missiles) the Le Triomphant collided with the HMS Vanguard, which carried a crew of 40 and 16 Lockheed trident D5 missiles. Nothing really to worry about, just a couple bakers dozen nukes and a collision between two nuclear-powered submarines. I guess you could say it turned out ‘rad’. I mean, who would believe the bungling militarys of the world could flirt with disaster like that and get off so lucky? Had things gone just slightly different, a lot of bad stuff could have leaked out. Ah, what’s the use- everybody already knows all these navys scuttle their nuclear subs in the north Sea anyway! I guess it’s a sort of bioluminescence envy, right?

Anyway, that’s about when the next report came in.

(sound of short-wave radio….)

Well jeepers creepers, I said when i read the tale of the tape- it was coming in like a horror-comedy-melodrama all rolled into one. The hair on my neck stood up like it had been rubbed with the Bullwinkle balloon from the Macys Thanksgiving Day Parade:

Dot-Dash_dot-dot-   -privately owned-Iridium sattellite– dot-dash-dashetty-do-da-dash- collided-with-russian-out-of-service-communication-satellite-in low-Earth-orbit-dash-dot-dot-do-da-ditty-ditty-dash-a-muh-bob…

I put down the book I was reading and listened intently to the communication. What an amazing sequence of dents and events! I wasn’t really enjoying the book anyway- ‘When Worlds Collide’. It had been written in 1933 by Philip Wylie and Edwin balmer- had they known something we didn’t know? It certainly seemed like it! So, two subs and now two satellites? Hmm. Maybe there was a connection! After all, the internet runs on satellites, cell phones run on satellites, TV, cable, heck, lot’s of stuff runs by satellite now so why not submarines? It would certainly explain the collisions! One thing must have led to another!

My head began to ache. Too much thinking, deducing, weighing the facts, figures and possibilities. The probabilities, the improbabilities and -argh! Enough of that! I switched on the TV and kicked back in my favorite lounge chair- there must be a game on. It was time to relax. Yes! Baseball! Perfect way to get away from this collision-mania. Ah, the Red Sox vs the Yankees, and wouldn’t you know it, two outs, bottom of the ninth and bases are loaded! Uh-oh, this guy looks like he can hit it out of the park, and so I turn up the volume and pop a beer-

‘YES FOLKS, TWO OUT, NINTH INNING, SCORE TIED AT TWO AND HERE COMES CASEY- THE PITCHER WINDS AND DELIVERS AND ITS HIT DEEP! DEEP TO LEFT-CENTER FIELD AND JONES COMES RACING OVER FOR IT! UH-OH, HERE COMES SMITH RACING FROM THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION! tHE BALL IS SINKING RIGHT BETWEEN THEM, CASEY ROUNDING THE BASES, AND JONES AND SMITH ARE ABOUT TO- OH! oH MY GOODNESS, JONES AND SMITH HAVE COLLIDED AND THE BALL ROLLS BACK TO THE…..

bazeball

Of all the rotten luck! I turned off the TV in a huff and picked the book back up. I guess this just wasn’t gonna be my day, no sir. 

I’m joey racano reporting for EarthSourceMedia saying, from the outer reaches of the atmosphere to the depths of the sea, keep your eyes peeled, your head up and watch where the hell you’re going!

joey

our founder

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Tags: science fiction, submarine collision, satellite collision, missile, when worlds collide, baseball, police state, internet, earth, source, media, peanuts

Windows of Opportunity starring Bill Gates

Friday, February 6th, 2009

windows 

EarthSourceMedia Reports for February 5th, 2009

WINDOWS of OPPORTUNITY

starring Bill Gates

 “Friends and family,  partners and colleagues, ladies and gentleman, we are all here today to embrace the future.

So, with an eye on social justice, environmental sustainability, the time has come, of course, to explore new opportunities to make some money. Welcome you all here to the 2009 TGP symposium, ‘WINDOWS of OPPORTUNITY’, which in this case TGP stands for ‘This Guys a Psycho’. Now, without further ado, it is my great and distinct pleasure to introduce the man in this land with a plan to put cash in your hand, ladies and gentleman, Bill Gates!”

 (loud applause)

*#!%@feedback screeching from microphone* 

“Thankyou, thankyou, yes, thanks, thanks, okthatsenuffthanx, everybody, thanx”.

“This is always one of my favorite events of the year, and this year is no exception. Except, this years convention is kind of exempt from being an exception because of the complexion of todays worlds perception of Americas reflection. A-hem. I thank you for inviting me to join you here today. Now, before I get to my speech, I’d like to invite you inside my own private world as I travel the globe with an eye on the miseries of the poor”.

S-s-s-s– THUPP!! -(opens a small medicine bottle full of mosquitos replete with hairy legs and striped probiscus)

“Having learned from Donald Rumsfelds bird-flu vaccine investments, where he spread a virus AFTER cornering the market on the worlds only bird-flu vaccine, and again learning from Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales, who invested in private Texas prisons after manipulating our laws and constitution in order to incarcerate more people, I came up with an investment strategy of my own…involving DDT and other too-long dormant miricles of medical science!!!

Because it is impossible to convey the sadness of third world children being attacked by malaria-carrying insects, I have decided to better illustrate their plight by releasing a few hundred mosquitos among you here for your perousal.”

z-z-z-zz-z–z-zz–z-z-z-z-z-z-z   b-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz   zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(gasps, the crowd staggers backward a few steps)

“Another thing that has caught my attention is the unexplored opportunity to capitalize on apian throat mites. Honey production is dropping everywhere, as is cotton-clothing production, and I, for one, am not about to let that one slip away, simply because you, my fellow entreprenuers aren’t ‘feeling’ me on this one. And so, I hold here in my hand a pail of Killer Bees, which I hope will work to make you all more aware of the plight of apiaries everywhere. Being a hardy breed, these little suckers would eliminate inventory loss from Brown Bear intrusion, and other breaches in product integrity. Let me just peel off the plastic cover- ”

(Screams, gasps, people head for exits)

B-u-z-z-z-z-z-   B-u-z-z-z-z-z-z-!!

…”no-no-no, don’t worry, there were little holes punched in the top, they can breathe, they can breathe,,,”

“Then there are the untold hidden and perhaps as-yet unpercieved advantages of new medicines -possibly manufactured in a space-laboratory- that could stop mamallian diseases in their tracks, before they even get a chance to become a threat! And so, in order to show you what I mean, I thought it might be easier to grasp if I allowed a few hundred rabid skunks to mingle among you- no- no- don’t be afraid, these aren’t yet in the ‘goonie’ stage, as it were, not yet, no- well, maybe that small group over there with the overactive salivary glands and –

(People running screaming, yelling, climbing on chairs)

“Remain calm, it’s only 9 shots and we have at least eight of those right on the premises, wait-!!  UNGH!! What’s that- smell- unhhh those over there went ‘off’ I must apologize for the odiferous consequences of my little demonstration..but look, see? Over there- the answer to any venom, a wheelbarrow full of Madagascar black=clawed scarlet-fanged scorpions, yes, just turn that barrow upside down and-…”

(Moaning, dying, screaming, cussing, sirens wail, police bang at doors)

…”and that’s it for tonight folks, this is Bill Gates, with ‘WINDOWS of OPPORTUNITY’ saying, goodnight and go with grace! 

Oh yes, and the Purple Recluse spiders, in the 55 gallon drums, let ‘er rip, that’s right, not gonna miss a chance to tap into that commodity, are we folks? Of course not! Not don’t be alarmed, they won’t- ah- ahhh-  ARGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Security! Security!

 me

our founder

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Tags: bill gates, windows, microsoft, mosquitos, ddt, donald rumsfeld, alberto gonzales, dick cheney, private prisons, malaria, third world children, diseases,  killer bees, rabid skunks, technology entertainment design conference, long beach, california

Welcome to Stupid Bowl XLIII

Monday, February 2nd, 2009

stupidbowl

Earthsourcemedia Reports, February 2nd, 2009

Welcome to Stupid Bowl XLIII

Think you’re a jerk? Or ignorant? Maybe living in a fantasy world someone has made up for you? Well, if you were one of the millions of people in front of a television set yesterday shouting yourself hoarse over which smelly homo-simians in tights would bang craniums hardest against another, you may very well be. Except for the half-time show, of course. Bruce Springsteen fits in at the superbowl like jesus at Guantanamo.

It’s a known fact that football fans:

1 Are violent, warlike and stupid

2 Often cut in lines

3 Cut wet farts

4 Have small penises

5 Are uncomfortable with their homosexuality

Now, of course, the penis part doesn’t extend to the female fans. They are just mini- Sarah Palins with a touch of penis envy, who love football and hate men. But, by and large, these ladies are every bit as repulsive as their male counterparts. To put it into perspective, I like to think of how many Afghani children lost their eyes to US-made cluster bombs during the game. You know, the ball’s on the 45, Cardinals with a 3rd and long, and -“…Hey mom, look! I found what looks like an orange, and I am so hungry since the Zionists bombed the free-food clinic, and…”

“No son!! Don’t touch it, it may be a trick of the great satan-”

BLAM!!!!

Yes, the monstrous nature of our culture of death culminates on that fateful sunday each year, when we pay special attention to how much ‘the troops’ enjoyed watching the game or professional wrestling. It’s a stretch calling it a culture at all. For instance, take one of this American Fascist movement’s spin-offs, the ‘MMA’. The other night, I rented a hideous movie called the ‘Scorpion king 2’, with Mixed Martial Arts former ‘great’ Randy Couture. The guy looked like he could snap an Iraqi kids neck like a twig, or take orders well, such as, “OK soldier, that’s Pat Tillman over there. If he were to die, it would rile up an entire nation of bloodthirsty savages- shoot him now!” But act? People, this bone head couldn’t act sick if he contracted the HU-47 strain bird flu. 

Anyway, both teams deserved to lose and, fortunately, one did. But the real loser is us. What an unbridled batch of ignorance. Maybe we’ll start representing something worthwhile by the 22nd century? Maybe we’ll even be around for the 22nd century? I dunno- but I love the commercials.

Joey Racano, editor

EarthSourceMedia

 joey racano

our founder

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Tag lines: superbowl 43, pat tillman, bird flu, cluster bombs, zionist, superbowl commercials, mma, randy couture, mixed martial arts, sarah palin, bruce springstein, jesus, guantanamo