EarthSourceMedia Reports for December 6th, 2008


Remember the commercials about Pro football player Bo Jackson, who played Major League Baseball and NFL Football at the same time? They went like this: “Bo knows baseball”.  “Bo knows football”. Sometimes, the commercials would feature rock great Bo Diddley, he of the wild guitars, who would say to Bo Jackson, “Bo, you don’t know diddley!”

Well that’s where I come in. I know ignorance. I know blazing, brazen, in-your-face ‘why are you even alive?’ ignorance. How did I get to be such an expert? Living it. I lived among the ignorant. Still do, actually. I used to live in Huntington Beach, California, where the Congressman still to this day says, “Global warming is a stupid idea!”. C’mon, that’s pretty ignorant. I can name a lot of reasons why global warming is real. At my favorite Thai food resaurant last week, a burly fellow and I struck up a conversation about our RV’s. Soon, the talk was of alternative fuels (I run mostly Biodiesel in a 360 HP Cummins diesel). Then the subject of automakers being bailed out led to the untimely demise of the  ZEV (Zero Emission vehicle) program and electric cars. The guy went off on a tirade about how they don’t work, and how he worked 10 years on the batteries, and a whole host of nonsense, which, in turn, led to him to saying global warming isn’t real, and if it is, man ‘has nothing to do with it’. Then, the fiesta resistance, he said he was from Fresno. Fresno! Let me put it as nicely as I can; if God were to butt-f*!k the Earth, his point of entry would be Fresno, California.  Ignorance. That conversation took a detour south from there.

I currently live in San Diego, where they swim, surf, shit and piss in the same body of water. Even the environmental groups there have signed agreements not to oppose the pollution! That’s really ignorant- especially if you’re a group known for your ‘surfriding‘ membership. More on that in an upcoming program. -ESM

As we work our way higher and higher on the ignorance food chain, let’s move on to that bastion of the ‘fair and balanced’, Fox News. I watched FOX ‘news’ tonight, and saw Karl Rove- who should be on trial for more heinous crimes against freedom, democracy, and America than I can count- but is instead acting as lead Fox News’ lead commentator. A-fuc#@ing mazing.  I watched the show in a restaurant on the Colorado River, called the ‘Wagon Wheel’, whose entire theme was about the glories of being a redneck- ignorance. I even broke down and bought a shirt there that says: ‘MESS WITH ME AND YOU MESS WITH THE WHOLE TRAILER PARK’. I looked at it tonite when I got home, and I’m not sure if I should wear it as a joke or burn it as a joke. I guess even I am not immune.

Fortunately, Code Pink foundress Medea Benjamin was a special guest (they’ll put anyone on FOX who’ll dog the dems you know) and she was quick to point out that Barack Obama has appointed an entire cabinet of ‘Hawks’. In other words, people who think it’s ok for people to be shooting and killing each other for bibles and flags, shits and giggles. Again, ignorance. My goodness. And that was just a quickie, because FOX was allocating the Lion’s share of its programming to the same thing it has for some 5 years ever since the slow-speed white-Bronco chase- OJ Simpson. 

FOX News: OJ Simpson was in court today for sentencing.

EarthSourceMedia News: Why is your lead commentator a traitor?

FOX news: OJ was sentenced to do a lot of time.

EarthSourceMedia: Wasn’t the Fox News reporter who broke the phony story during the 200 election a Bush first-cousin?

FOX News: OJ won’t be eligable for parole for 9 years.

EarthSourceMedia: Didn’t your lead commentator reveal the identity of a covert US secret agent during time of war? Why isn’t he blindfolded before a firing squad smoking his last cigarette? With Cheney, Novak and Libby?

(Back to ESM studios)

So, yes, I do consider myself somewhat of an expert on ignorance. I think the correct name for it is ignoro-scientificka, or some such. Stupido-tology. With a certain measure of retardo-bility. I know ignorance. I’ve studied it close-up every day since 9/11/01, and I’ve watched all the cottage industries that have sprung up around ‘terror’. From floaters (people whose religion tells them they’re going to float away to heaven), to ‘posters’ (people whose self-appointed duty is to post American flags on everything from cereal boxes to locomotives). Thank God for those ‘posters’, too. At times, I find myself walking aimlessley down the street, wondering to myself, “What- what-what country am I in again?”, when- shazaam!! There’s a 75′ X 55′ American flag flying over a local park, and I say, “Oh, that’s right- America!”. And what a relief it is not to have to carry all the different currencies I might have needed. After all, no one cares about the worthless American dollar, but I might get robbed if they think I have yen or euros.

You might wonder what this is all getting at. You might say, “Joey, what is this all about? Why do you write this blog telling everyone you ‘know ignorance’?”

To this, I might say, “Shut up!”.

Just kidding. 🙂 🙂 I would never say that. I would tell you, ‘I say this because today, I found the ultimate in ignorance. The pinnacle of pinheadedness. The diamond of duncia. The super-stupe. The Jah of jerks. The Yah-weh of wee-wee. The jesus of ‘jesus christ, is that ignorant’. Today, I found a story in the ‘Bakersfield Californian’, (where you would expect nothing less), that reported the unholy marriage between the two teams in the most ignorant of games that have the most ignorant fans, doing the most ignorant of things. Ladies and gents, EarthSourceMedia is sad to announce (or even to perpetuate the story) that The San Diego Chargers played the Oakland Raiders Thursday night in the worlds first live broadcast in 3-D. This late-breaking and hard hitting story, wrapped in the context of a plummitting economy, 2 wars and global environmental destruction, came through as a veritable beacon in the night of what is truly important, and even came with a photo sure to compete for the Pulitzer. A crazed football fanatic wearing a pair of 3-D glasses to make Elton John green with envy. This is not that photo.


3-D Fan

Oakland Raiders fan: “Hey dude, WTF? Why does your team suck like a wind tunnel?”

San Diego Chargers fan: “The Bolts rule, bro, and a wind tunnel doesn’t suck man, it blows, like your Moth-”

Oakland Raiders fan: “Not even cool dude, how’d you like it if I came over there and..”

Vendor: “Peanuts! Beer!”

Oakland Raiders fan: “Beer! Beer! Over here dude!”

(Vendor flings Beer can like a girls softball pitcher, breaks last 2 teeth of Raiders fan)

San Diego Chargers fan: “Wow bro, that was so cool in these glasses!”

Oakland Raiders fan: “Lemme see those!”

San Diego Chargers fan: “No way bro, get yer own, I just paid for…”

Oakland Raiders fan: “Yeah? Then how ’bout if I (unh!) and I (hah!) and (oof!) and…”

San Diego Chargers fan: “You suck bro, like a wind tunnel!”

Oakland Raiders fan: “Your whole team sucks dude, how ’bout that?”

San Diego Chargers fan: I don’t bro, but how do you like (ugh!) this?”

“(Ugh!) (Ooh!) (Argh!) (Ehh!) (Agh!) (Oof!)….” 

Well, that’s all the time we (Ugh!) have tonite- so for EarthSourceMedia, this is (Ugh!) joey racano saying, (Oof!) goodnight and g- (Agh!) with (ungh!) grace (Ahh!)  -ESM


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