Archive for November, 2008

‘Woolly Bully’

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

woolly bully

EarthSourceMedia Reports for November 20th, 2008

 ‘Woolly Bully’ 

Jonestown, Guyana:

Thirty years ago, a religious maniac named Jim Jones called upon his followers to commit ‘revolutionary suicide’ together at a jungle settlement for the weak minded. About 900 people were convinced to drink cyanide-laced kool-aid and those who refused were forced to do so at gunpoint or shot. Even a Congressman died there, as he bravely tried to help. Of course, I don’t agree with the ‘never forget’ people, who put this story on the front pages -once again. We have our own news. There is more going on right now than at any time in the past, and it is all very important- a world is at stake. Keep today’s news in the news! ‘Never forget’ means dwell on this. ‘Never forget’ Pearl Harbor. ‘Never forget’ 9-11.  God sakes, never forget! Because if we do forget, we might have peace, god forbid. Then what would all the old men with the ‘scrambled eggs’ on their ballcaps do with themselves as they sit at coffee shops at 5a.m. talking about the glories of past wars, and the evil of centrist democrats? In some ways, maybe we shouldn’t completely forget Jonestown. It can be extrapolated by the wise to reflect on the danger posed to us all by parochial America. Religion may on the surface seem benign, even homey. But Monsanto and General Electric seem ‘homey’ yet, look what destructive forces they are!  People who are religious are the way they are because they have a capacity to ‘believe’. They can accept as reality things they can’t see hear, taste touch or smell. People who want to rule the world (think ‘Dr. No’, ‘David Koresh) know this and take advantage of such believers. They tell them they’re going to save the unborn from abortion, they’re going to stop gay marriage. It will be on the ballot, just go vote! Oh, by the by, while you’re in that voting booth, do us one small favor- vote for George W. Bush because he feels the way you do about abortion. And that religious maniac vote (along with a little electioneering treachery) can swing the course of history. Bush did get in, he did change history, America drank his kool-aid.  Jonestown, R.I.P.   -ESM

Washington:

Obama is moving right along with his cabinet picks, some good, some not so good. A good choice is his new Secretary of Health and Human Services, Tom Daschle. Daschle is a known reformer with his heart in the right place. A bad choice was Janet Napolitano of Arizona to head the Department of Homeland Security. Napolitano was Governor in charge when I traveled to Arizona (see ‘Razing Arizona’ here). What I found there was out-of-control development, destruction and all done with water stolen from the wild. She’s been part of the problem. I don’t see her coming in and being the solution. At least her name is better than that of her predecesser Chertoff. It always sounded like someone was calling him jerkoff. Must have been hardon him back in school.

On a bright note, Representative Harry Waxman has wrestled the chairmanship of the House Energy and Commerce Committee from old-schooler Robert Dingell, who was, well- a dingle!

Mr. Dingell was closely aligned with the auto dinosaurs while Waxman has solid environmental and reform credentials. Although the papers are reporting Waxman to be a close ally of Nancy Pelosi, EarthSourceMedia doesn’t see it that way. He does his job and works with her when needed, but he is cut from a more progressive, altruistic mold. They do hail both from California, but that’s where the similarity ends. The vote was 137-122 for Waxman, showing just how bad the democrats still are. 122 votes for the status quo, glaciers be damned.

Sacramento:

The California State Supreme Court has agreed to hear the case of Proposition 8 next spring. EarthSourceMedia has already predicted Prop 8 would be struck down as unconstitutional, but it did serve some good; Prop 8 woke up the gay community and showed the public the intolerance of religious people.

Gulf of Aden:

Those gun-totin’ christi-billies, Blackwater, are taking advantage of the instability caused by Somali pirate-jackings and will become the private Navy for shipping companies moving their black gooey products through the area. One boat, the ‘McArthur’, is already deployed, loaded down for bear. You may remember Blackwater from their execution of civilians via machine gun at an Iraqi intersection last year. EarthSourceMedia has been unable to find out what country the gunboat will be kept in, but will let you know when the McArthur Parks.  

Woolly Bully:

Scentists are dabbling with the formerly impossible- cloning an extinct creature. A while back, it was found that sperm reach the egg, then die. After they are dead, the egg draws the sperm in and uses it for fertilization. This observation showed a dead sperm can fertilize an egg. Couple this discovery with global warming, which is exposing remains of the Woolly Mammoth, long frozen beneath icy permafrosted tundra. Now you have viable Mammoth sperm- what to do with it? Inseminate and elephant. Not just any elephant mind you- the Indian Elephant is genetically the closest living relative. Inseminate an Indian Elephant and a baby -if born- would be 50% Mammoth. Inseminate the hybrid and it’s baby would be 75% mammoth. Soon, the genetics would be near pure Mammoth, and a species lives again!

Scientists just recently approached near-completion of the Mammoth genome using tufts of hair from thawed corpses. This marks the first time the genome has been known for an extinct creature, drawing the whole Jurassic Park scenario closer to reality. Next question of course, is what to do with the furry little guy? EarthSourceMedia can’t say exactly where, but we can say ‘why’. The last mammoth died out 10,000 years ago and there are different theories how that happened. My favorite is the ‘black hole’ theory by a former curator of New York’s Museum of Natural History. He thinks they fell into the black hole known as the human mouth- we ate them! In any case, 10,000 years is the blink of an eye in Earth-terms. In other words, the environment has not changed significantly and so the grasslands glaciers and tundra still actually need the mammoth, to eat the grasses, fertilize the soil, and do whatever else it was they did as they evolved along with their environment. 

It is my opinion that as the world is built on and natural systems get paved out of existance, the kids of tomorrow will so depend on what’s left of the natural world for their survival, they will all have to know everything about little symbiotic relationships. Tree and squirrel, oak and woodpecker, clownfish and anemone, rhino and egret, homonid and canine and possibly even Mammoth and Tundra. Imagine roving bands of kids, skateboards tucked under their arms, calling out the latin names of plants and birds, and pulling out their water-test kits as they stoop to drink from polluted streams. Now imagine their faces lighting up, wide eyes aflame at the sight of a Woolly Mammoth drinking nearby!

From the not-so-frozen tundra, to the alleys of a modern-day Babylon, I’m joey racano for EarthSourceMedia saying, “Goodnight and go with grace”.  -ESM

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Tags: jim jones, jonestown, guyana, daschle, neapolitano, clone mammoth, pirates, blackwater, obama cabinet picks, head of homeland security, waxman, tundra, glaciers, skateboards, mcarthur, prop 8, pelosi, supreme court, chertoff, bush, religious maniac, babylon, somali pirates  

‘Wild Spirit’

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

wild spirit

EarthSourceMedia reports for November 19th, 2008

 ‘Wild Spirit’ 

‘As suns and moons pass by and by

the less is heard of hooves on high

Where once the rangelands roared with thunder

saguaros mark a west gone under

Was once a land of stallions breath

has gone the way of horned toads death’

                                          -joey racano

Africa:

Hijack hyjinx

Three more ships have been hijacked by Somali pirates- a cargo ship flying a Hong Kong flag, an Iranian cargo ship with a crew of 25, and a Thai vessel with a crew of 16. More than ten ships have been attacked this week, the most dramatic being a fully loaded Saudi oil supertanker hijacked 450 nautical miles off the African coast. In case you are unaware of the difference between a mile and a nautical mile, try running a mile in flippers, or riding a nautical mile on your bicycle. There is a difference. In a related story, the Indian Navy claims to have sunk the pirate ‘mother ship’ in the Gulf of Aden. No word how many mothers went down with the ship, if there was any buried treasure, or if Somali pirates were offered contracts for ‘Pirates of the Carribean IV- ‘Jack Sparrow’s Adventures, Large and Somalia’.

Sacramento, California:

In the 1960’s, 3,000 white fir trees were planted at the U.S. Forest Service genetics lab in Placerville so scientists could study seed growth. For the 10th year in a row, the lab will provide the State Capitol with it’s christmas tree, this year, a 60 foot tall specimen. Here at EarthSourceMedia, we ask the question noone else has dared to ask: Haven’t these poor trees suffered enough? The poor things have been lab rats for 50 years, and this is what they had to look forward to- some weird superstitious ritual where trees are sacrificed to ‘god’? Next time you people make a crucifix, take off the jesus and tack a tree up on the cross instead- preferably a cross not made of white fir! 

Merced County, California:

A student violated the cardinal rule of flying at Sierra Flight School at Castle Air Force Base- never walk into a moving propeller. EarthSourceMedia wonders how these people would ever handle wind power. The Chinese national was flying only with a second student, a violation of  FAA rules. His parents are being notified. 

Los Angeles:

An article in today’s LA Times notes that today is ‘World Toilet Day’. EarthSourceMedia finds the designation appropriate, since the world is going to shit. -ESM

Cape Canaveral, Florida:

First of all, I thought this place was changed to Cape Kennedy a long time ago? See- you get assasinated and this is the thanks you get. I guess a bullet in the head gets you only so far. Speaking of assasinations, the usually savvy San Francisco Chronicle yesterday ran a rehashed old story about ‘where were the reporters’ the last two San Francisco assasinations, and they ran the story right next to a photo of Obama- tasteless and tactless. And that’s a lot, coming from me.

Anyway, back to the Cape Canaveral story:

A lady astronaut lost her tool bag yesterday while out on a spacewalk. Totally understandable- we’ve all lost tools. I lose tools even when I’m under the car and that wrench can’t possibly be more than 3 feet away. She was using those tools to work on a ‘gummed up’ solar panel when they just kind of floated away. EarthSourceMedia thinks maybe she should have been working on her name instead- Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper. Say that three times fast. She got the job done by sharing another astronauts tools, but at one point in the 7-hour spacewalk, a screw floated by just too far out of reach for them. While no one knows what the screw was for, EarthSourceMedia feels it is safe to say the astronauts have a screw loose. -ESM

Reno, Nevada:

With time running out on a herd of wild horses, they were given a reprieve by Madeleine Pickens, wife of T-Boone Pickens. Life long animal lovers who spearheaded a successful movement to close the last US Horse slaughterhouse, the Pickenses have committed to the Bureau of Land Management to save not just the otherwise doomed wild horses, but possibly all the 30,000 horses and burros now in pens. Madeleine is seeking to buy open lands in the west, where the large herd can live. EarthSourceMedia presents the couple with an ESM ‘Golden Heart’. -ESM

From the dark waters off Africa, to the last open ranges of the American West, I’m joey racano for EarthSourceMedia saying, “Goodnight and go with grace”.  -ESM

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Tags: somalia pirates, hijacking, wild horses, t-boone pickens, africa, american west, astronauts, spacewalk, us forest service, christmas tree, solar panel, gulf of aden, saudi oil supertanker, thai, hong kong, cargo ship, heidemarie stefanyshyn-piper

‘Crude Behavior’

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

hubris

EarthSourceMedia Reports for November 18th, 2008

 ‘Crude Behavior’

 “Know that you are but human, not a god…”  -The Oracle at Delphi

Washington:

If there were any doubts that a vote for Obama was a vote for anything but change, let’s look at the scorecard; Obama has kept Joe Lieberman at the helm of the Committee on Homeland Security despite his support for McCain and an illegal war. He chose Biden as VP despite the fact Biden was the first key democrat to kiss Bush’s bootstraps on the war, and Obamas advisors have come out and said Guantanamo interogators being charged for torture was ‘unlikely’. It is the opinion of EarthSourceMedia that the only hope for meaningful change under Obama is when the black militant population of America rises up to administer true justice.

California:

As the Whitehouse and Senate Democrats argue over a $25 billion dollar aid package for the big three automakers, proponents of the EV-1 electric car are rallying behind Nate Holden, former State senator and Los Angeles City Councilman, who is calling for conditions to be placed on such a bailout. EarthSourceMedia presents excerpts from a letter written by Holden, now circulating among the Zero-Emmission Vehicle (ZEV) crowd:

(We must) “..fight to hold General Motors and other auto
manufacturers feet to the fire..”  “….I strongly urge
Congress to withhold any bailout funds from the auto industry,
unless and until the industry agrees to mass-produce (electric cars).”

“Congress should not under any circumstances release the bailout
money to automobile manufacturers without making these demands.
Without the demands the automobile manufacturers would just continue
with “business as usual.” Manufacturing gas-guzzlers, which would
increase our dependency on the middle-east oil producing countries.                                                                                                                    (We) ..should demand that the conditions that were
incorporated in the funding legislation of the $25 Billion loan
package of September 2008 should be adhered to…”

“…contact Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of the United States
Senate, Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House of Representatives and
each of your local member of Congress, to let them know that any
deviation on their part from the conditions of the loan approved in
September will not be tolerated.”

Nate Holden
California State Senate, ret
Los Angeles City Council, ret.”

More info on how to get involved on this website under, ‘AIR’  -ESM

Dubai, United Arab Emirates:

Anybody who’s ever seen a photo of Dubai knows what the unholy marriage of capitalism and fossil fuel consumption gone wild looks like. Skyscrapers spring up daily, a thousand glass panes twinkling in the sunlight, streets paved with a gold-tinge, the entire city alive with decadence and hubris. But  wealth for some also means poverty for others. The more wild and flamboyant the wealth, the more stark the want. For us here at EarthSourceMedia, our thoughts drift to the teachings of Lao Tzu who wrote in his Tao Te Ching, “When a people are treated with severity, they become cunning”. So now, we take it to the next level; the face of capitalism, consumption, avarice -indeed the face of the modern world- surely glows red with embarrassment at the escalated stakes in our war on our own planet. Yesterday, Somali pirates seized an entire, fully-loaded Saudi oil supertanker! Now, goddamit folks, I’m not making this up- there is an oil supertanker, over a thousand feet long, loaded with about 2 million barrels of oil, haphazardly floating about on the high seas, dangerously cat-and-mousing with ocean-borne sea traffic amid the busiest shipping lanes in the world! And worst of all, this floating environmental time-bomb is being piloted by a rag-tag crew of pirates with the balls of Sarah Palin. Although these pirates have no way to sell the crude, they may hold it for ransom- or they could cause an environmental calamity. There simply couldn’t be a worse-case scenario or a better commercial for why we need electric cars. EarthSourceMedia will be watching this one and watching it closely.  

Los Osos, California:

Cummins engine roaring it’s approval of the biodiesel fuel it was consuming, my RV made its way to a quaint little hamlet called ‘Baywood Park’, where a strong cup of ‘alligator roast’ coffee awaited. On the way, a schoolbus was busy picking up children, a few of whom scurried to make the bus. One burly kid though, seemed in no hurry at all. As I made the turn, I could see he wore a pair of rubber gloves and was singing his version of the AC/DC song, ‘Highway to Hell’. I shuddered.  State Department figures for fiscal 2008 show Americans have adopted 17,438 foreign kids already this year, and there are reasons for it. In Rexburg, Idaho, district officials have reported second graders on a schoolbus chanting, ‘Assasinate Obama’ on the way to school. Four students at North Carolina State U wrote ‘Let’s shoot that nigger in the head’ in a tunnel designated for free speech. In Kilgore, Texas, in Long Island, in Los Angeles, swastikas are springing up on cars, skateparks and elsewhere. So, the people who want to adopt children know good and well that through the use of television, movies, video games, church, and a lack of social programs, American kids are being brought up to be nazi-like xenophobes, full of hate. So when they do adopt, they look elsewhere. Here at EarthSourceMedia, where our motto is ‘Speak truth to youth!’, we have a sworn duty, gang. We have to give it to you straight and so we will- you’re fucked up. Our advice? Get off the meth, don’t join the army, don’t make pacts with your friends to hang yourselves on tuesday at 7 o’clock, stop watching TV, don’t diet ’till you weigh 49 pounds and go get help.

From waterborne diseases, to pirates acting crudely, I’m joey racano for earthSourceMedia saying, “Goodnight and go with grace”  -ESM

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Tags: somali pirates, dubai, united arab emirates, obama, biden, sarah palin, oil supertanker, crude, tv, video games, environmental calamity, state department, adoption, nazi, meth, xenophobe, church, join army, idaho, north carolina, shipping lanes, ransom, bush, washington, mccain, homeland security, ac/dc, highway to hell, assasinate, nigger, diet, get help, oracle at delphi, hubris

‘The Dirty Dozen’

Monday, November 17th, 2008

kids on the skids

EarthSourceMedia Reports for November 17th, 2008

Ecuador:

In a long and drawn out fight for dignity and environmental justice in a remote region of the Amazon, Chevron is trying to outlast native peoples in Ecuador, who say the oil giant has soiled their ancestral lands. “I’ve lost 30 cows”, said farmer Abel Garrido. “I cut them open and their insides are black”. This statement worries us here at EarthSourceMedia, because we fear Mr. Garrido may have accidentally cut open the chest of a Chevron executive and seen his heart.

Canada:

Each year sees a new version published of the Collins English dictionary, and with each new issue come new words. Next years new word will be ‘Meh’, meaning boredom, mediocrity and indifference. In our blog, we have decided to use it in this context: ‘We elected a democrat; now we have to take our mehdicine”. -ESM

San Luis Obispo, California:

Environmental Guru Bill Deneen suggested in a SLO Tribune letter to the editor that since the Mormon Church immersed itself in politics by monetarily supporting anti-gay marriage bill ‘Proposition 8’, they should forfeit their tax-exempt status. EarthSourceMedia agrees.

USA Today:

Postal workers are feeling the brunt of the economic crash, with some losing their jobs as staff is cut, postal rates rise, and hours and routes are trimmed. EarthSourceMedia sheds no tear for the postman, who acts as the eyes and ears of big brother. Who else knows every single name at every single address? I lost my love for the postal service a few years back during the ‘bird flu’ scare. Birds of industry, such as egg producing chickens, are particularly vulnerable to bird flu due to their shallow gene pool. Wild birds are more resistant because they have wide genetic diversity. Avian agriculture, seeking to protect its multi-billion dollar industry from bird flu, complained to the government that pet birds might pose a threat. So the government utilized postal workers, ordering them to report back to their superiors news of any family pet bird who looked sick or suspicious. The result was, many homes recieved visits from agriculture officials asking to see their birds, and many were euthanized on the spot. Of course, many of these were parrots who had been in the family for 20 or more years, and the resulting heartache and rage caused the agriculture industry to send trauma councilers out along with the bird euthanasia teams. Also, in the event of pandemic, postal workers are now on standby to deliver -along with armed guards- vaccines to households. This kind of shit scares the hell out of me. Sic ’em, Fido!

   Trenton, New Jersey:

Inmates have recently given the word cell phone a whole new meaning. Now, authorities have introduced their new weapon against cell phones in prison- the cell phone-sniffing dog! State Prison officials are battling back against prisoners hiding illegal cellphones, which can be used to direct ‘hits’ out on the street. Trainers are still working on getting the dogs to respond to commands like, “Please deposit 35 cents for the first three minutes” and, “Your call cannot be completed as dialed, please check the number and dial again or ask your operator for assistance”. 

   North Dakota:

The Standing Rock Sioux are building  a multimillion dollar wireless cell phone network that will serve 116,000 customers. Tribe officials said their reservation was in a dead zone. In a phone interview with EarthSourceMedia, they said, “We are o excit d to have gotten a chan   e  to build   ese new pho   owers   to increase recep    ion   ankyou.”

 Berkeley, California:

A trainer was killed when the thoroughbred he was walking got spooked and flipped over, crushing him to death at Golden Gate Fields racetrack. Racetrack publicity manager Tom Ferrall said fatal accidents at the track were very rare. EarthSourceMedia has calculated the odds at 25:1 or with under and over betting about 3-5.

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba:

Dirty Dozen

New information has surfaced revealing the number of children held at the American concentration camp at Guantanamo is at least 12, higher than previously divulged. It also has come to light that some inmates were shackled -so that any movement would cut them- for up to ten hours on the floor of refrigerated compartments. Many of these people were held for years and released without ever having been charged. EarthSourceMedia has studied a photo taken of the front gates of the prison, and have determined that a sign saying ‘CAMP JUSTICE’ actually reads CAMP JUST US. The clue was that we were observed to be killing people of other races and religions to the point where JUST US would eventually remain. Simple, really.

Sacramento, California:

A Fairfield priest has apologized for announcing to the congregation last week that a car with Obama stickers should be moved out of the church parking lot. Rev. Sebastion Meyer, pastor of Our Lady of Mount Carmel Catholic Church read an apology at all the churches masses. No wonder they always call him ‘Sabastard’. -ESM

  Fresno, California:

Fresno is no stranger to confusion. People here are so right wing they can’t tell if they are in 21st century America or 1939 germany. But Fresno’s new lady Mayor, has been causing even more confusion due to her unusual name. Mayor Ashley Swearengin has been on the phone for days trying to complete her transition team, but continually has to convince folks she has already been sworn in and isn’t in the process of swearengin. Asked if the frustration would cause her to lash out verbally, she replied, “Probably- it’s a great office to be swearing in”.

I’m joey racano for EarthSourceMedia saying, “From the homes that were foreclosed, to the stores that are all closed, goodnight, and go with grace”  -ESM

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Tags: children at guantanamo, foreclosure, racetrack fatality, mayor swearengin, fresno mayor, move obama car, catholic church,  camp justice, wireless cellphone network, inmates, postal workers, bird flu, vaccine, chevron, lawsuit, earth, source, media

‘Shhhh- They’re Coming!’

Sunday, November 16th, 2008

insensitive display

 EarthSourceMedia Reports for November 16th, 2008

 ‘Shhh- They’re Coming!’

Los Angeles, California:

Tucked inside the California section of today’s L.A. Times (Page 6) is a stunning photo of some 10,000 people outside L.A. City Hall, demonstrating their opposition to California’s Prop 8, which was backed by religious groups and will probably be found unconstitutional.  But just to show you how the ‘liberal press’ is tightly controlled by the right wingers who own it, on the front page is a photo of one lone single religious hypocritical maniac, pointing a finger and waving a biblical sign depicting the evils of gay marriage. Here at EarthSourceMedia, we’ve got a special remedy for such foam-at-the-mouth maniacs who want to dictate how others may live- stop christian marriage! That’s the way to deal with these bozos. I said the same thing last week at Long Beach Council chambers about developers building on an indian burial ground- just send the indians into a cemetary, have them set up their teepees, call the press and wait for the cops. When they ask what is going on, tell them you’re building a housing tract. 

Auburn, California:

In California’s water wars, it’s always been ‘use it or lose it’ for water rights, and the Auburn Dam, never having ‘used it’ is about to lose it. In a related story, Fish & Game officials found a giant Chinook Salmon (also known as ‘King’ Salmon), who was 51″ long and when alive may well have been more than the current world-record 88 pounds. The fish died of natural causes in the spawning cycle in Battle Creek, Red Bluff California. -ESM

Glendale, California:

Smoke wafted overhead, distant flames licked the sky, ashes smeared their powder everywhere, and ashen-faced people stood sullen-eyed on the verge of shock as the fires destructive toll mounted around them. Brush fires still crackled when the Americana at Brand Shopping Center decided to kick off their shopping season with a pyrotechnics display! In an area whose hotels were filled with fire-evacuees, neighbors poured out of their homes in a rage. “We weren’t trying to be insensitive”, said the centers spokeswoman Jennifer Gordon, explaining it was the christmas tree lighting ceremony and it couldn’t be rescheduled. And for us here at EarthSourceMedia, that opens up another can of worms- cutting down giant trees so you can hang dingle-balls on them for two weeks and throw them away. If you must decorate trees, why not light them ‘in place’, and when the season ends, simply remove the decorations and keep the forest alive? The chipmunks would certainly appreciate it. -ESM   

 Washington, DC:

An Associated Press story on the G20 ‘Econ’ Summit held yesterday in Washington DC carried the fruedian slip headline of the year. It read, ‘No Concrete Steps Taken’. In other words, the only way outa this mess is the way we came in- by slathering an 8″ layer of concrete over every square foot of this dying planet. The emergency event was attended by leaders of 21 nations and 4 international organisations. Hosting the event, lame duck President George W. Bush did more than just look stupid in photographs though- he also spoke in characteristic moronic fashion saying, “I wasn’t going to go for the $700 billion dollar bailout until they called me in and told me if I didn’t it would cause a depression bigger than the great depression.” This guy is about to do what few have ever been able to achieve; he’s going to make a huge segment of the worlds population very happy –by leaving.

La Mesa, California:

A Jiffy Lube employee was knocked to the ground and robbed of a bag containing $500 dollars last week, as she locked up for the night. Allow EarthSourceMedia to offer some comfort- it’s only money, nobody was hurt, and what with all the lubrication around, it could have been a much worse crime. -ESM

 Paris, france:

Lindsay Lohan showed physical beauty isn’t necessarily an indication of a beautiful person, when she arrived at the VIP Room Nightclub in gay pari’ wearing a fur. It is safe to assume the fur was torn from an animals body at some point earlier. Like the song goes, ‘It’s so easy, yay-yay- to hurt others when you can’t feel pain’. Lindsay, Lindsay, honey- say it ain’t so baby! You gonna do us like that when we’ve swooned over you since, be-jeepers, since I can’t even remember when? I’m disillusioned. But a hero did save the day. No sooner did the ‘Queen of Mean’ step onto the red carpet, than she was pelted by a ‘flour-bomb’ that powdered her nose but good. We here at EarthSourceMedia understand you’re under constant pressure, Lindsay, but never forget who you are girl. You, of all people, don’t need to wear anybody else’s skin.  

Halifax, Yorkshire England:

British etiquitte

A 91-year old woman was awakened around 4a.m. last October 9th by an intruder who scared her about half to death. The would-be robber fled without any loot, but left the poor woman in a fright. Not long afterward, she was again surprised, this time by a bouquet of flowers, along with a card apologizing for the break in, for frightening the woman, and explaining the would-be burglar had thought the house empty. West Yorkshire Police Detective Inspector Tony Nicholson has appealed for the burglar to come forward. EarthSourceMedia says no need- we know the cost of cut flowers today.

Denver, Colorado:

Remember not too long ago, when the democrats were doing things like signing on to the Bush administrations program of spying on Americans and sending more and more billions to the war machine that lied about everything and didn’t armor our troops? Remember the things they didn’t do, like impeach Bush and Cheney? Those were the times when good Americans were clamoring for real substantive change, such as that brought forth by Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich. The switchboards were lit, the emails were flying, the meetings were full- and the Democratic National Convention in Denver was demonstrated. But they were ready for us. Who is ‘they’? The corporations who own the democrats as well as the republicans. The paramilitaries (and military) who protect the status quo, the pathetic, dead end, American two-party system. They sent in choppers and swat teams, they wiped us off the streets, arrested and jailed us. You weren’t allowed to ask for more and better. You weren’t allowed to protest the corporate rule that brought down the economy, made war, destroyed the environment, and sapped social programs while providing corporate welfare for bankers.

Well, the results are in folks, and after the first round of trials of people arrested for protesting in Denver, there have been 106 arrests and only one conviction. These people weren’t arrested in Denver for being criminals. They were arrested for daring to speak out against the collusion between the democrats and the republicans, both owned by the same corporations. But now of course, it’s ‘Obama, Obama, change, Obama, Obama’. But go out to the forests. The trees are falling. Go out to the battlefield- the soldiers are dying. Look at the sky- the stacks are pouring pollution. We’ve a long way to go, so don’t let up now. And more arrests are forthcoming. Wait- shhh- they’re coming– have to go now-

 For EarthSourceMedia, this is joey racano saying shhh– ‘Goodnight, and go with grace!”  -ESM

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Tags: impeach bush, denver arrests, democratic national convention, lindsay lohan, obama, dennis kucinich, california fires, g20 econ summit, auburn dam, water wars, los angeles times, glendale pyrotechnics, prop 8, demonstrations, religious

‘The Best Laid Plans…’

Saturday, November 15th, 2008

Say goodnight, Jimmy! 

EarthSourceMedia Reports for November 15th, 2008

‘The Best Laid Plans…’ 

Washington:

The Supreme Court is going to hear a case that will decide whether or not ‘Hillary: The Movie’ can be released or regulated under campaign laws. Here at EarthSourceMedia, we are no great fans of the Clintons for reasons various and sundry, but could probably narrow it down to ‘she voted for the war’. However, we are not oblivious to a seemingly never-ending smear campaign akin to a ‘vast right wing conspiracy’ against Hillary. Fact is, the neocons fear Hillary Clinton. She has more leadership qualities than any republican with the possible exception of California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and a masterful command of domestic and foreign policy. Of course, after Oliver Stone’s movie, ‘W’, republicans are chomping at the bit. ESM sees no small irony in that Hillary’s reputation may be saved by the McCain-Feingold Act. McCain-Feingold requires political groups to reveal who paid for ads, and forbids any corporate-funded broadcast ads attacking a candidate within a month of a primary or general election. Now Russ Feingold, he would make a great president! -ESM

Washington:

Despite pleas from President-Elect Obama, powerful democrats are howling for turncoat Joe Lieberman to be removed as Homeland Security Committee Chair. We here at EarthSourceMedia don’t like to get involved in the squabbles of the two-party system, but when you consider Joe was once the Democratic Party’s Vice Presidential Candidate- oy-vey! The Man’s a shysterOut on his tookas!

 South Carolina:

Father Jay Scott Newman wrote a letter to parishioners last week warning their souls may be at risk. He told them not to take holy communion without doing repentance if they voted for Obama because of Obama’s views on abortion. EarthSourceMedia has completely discounted rumors Father Newman wrote a letter rather than tell parishioners in person because he was out shopping for lingerie with two altar boys.

West Virginia:

U.S. veterans were allowed to camp free at Monongahela National Forest for Veterans Day. 500 vets entered the forest, but only 435 exited the following day, leading authorities to send recon patrols in search of the missing campers. So far there have been sightings of camoflauged abandoned campsites, booby traps, and at least one ‘Rambo’-like’ woodsman. Six recon patrols have never returned. 

Global:

The United Nations reported Thursday that a mile-thick haze is surrounding the world and is cutting sunlight by 25% in some places. EarthSourceMedia predicts the Bush administration will want America to adapt, and invest in mushroom farming.

Antarctica:

Lost and Found

Coral Reefs have been found in the cold waters of Antarctica, surprising scientists. Unfortunately, these frigid waters absorb more carbon dioxide than do warmer waters, which is causing acidification of the ocean to occur more rapidly than elsewhere. This means these newly discovered reefs will be the last ones found and the first ones lost.

Frederick, Maryland:

A 19-year old woman on her way to an airport restaurant walked too close to an airplane and had her arm severed by the propeller. Why would anyone walk within 10 feet of a loud, dangerous, moving propeller? We at EarthSourceMedia don’t know. We do know however, that next time her teacher asks, ‘How many here are careless and dumb?” she won’t be raising her hand. 

Nebraska:

‘The best laid plans of mice and men…’

On October 29th, it was announced that Nebraska State lawmakers would re-write the controversial ‘safe-haven’ law that was designed to help kids, but backfired, resulting in a rush of child abandonments to beat the deadline. In our usual groundbreaking fashion, EarthSourceMedia presents this story in screenplay format -enjoy!

Setting: Early morning rush hour in Nebraska, just outside city hall

“C’mon Jimmy, get your shoes on and get ready to go, we’re almost there. Here- here’s an apple and a banana, put ’em in your backpack.”

“But mom- did you bring any bottled water?”

“I forgot- here’s a milk container, they have a bathroom, fill it up- oh, duck down, duck down, there’s..‘oh, hi, Mrs. Ferguson, how are you?”

“Hello Mrs. Cox. How is our Jimmy doing? He hasn’t been to class, is he ill?”

“Uh, he, uh, no, he- he moved to Florida to live with his cousin Poindexter”.

(whisper- mom!!??)

(whisper- you shuddup and stay down there, don’t embarrass me! You wanted nintendo? These people will give you nintendo!)

“Florida? Jimmy hates Florida. And his cousin Poindexter-he told me! I can’t imagine..”

“I’m sorry Mrs, Ferguson, I really do have to get to work”.

“Your work is in the other direction Mrs. Cox, is something wrong?”

“I have to go, I’ll tell him you said hello- Jimmy always liked your class! Goodbye!”

“Oh, Mrs. Cox, what the hell- I’m just here dropping off Jennifer before the deadline- Jennifer, get your shoes on!”

“But mom..! I didn’t bring my makup bag or my switchblade. You don’t care about me!”

“Oh, allright, Jimmy, say hello to Mrs. Ferguson- and goodbye to Mrs. Ferguson”.

“Hello Mrs. Ferguson”.

“Hello Jimmy”.

“Goodbye, Mrs. Ferguson, I always liked your class”.

“Goodbye Jimmy.”

“Hello Jenny, how are you?”

“Hello Mrs. Cox, I’m good, I’m good”.

“Goodbye Jimmy, it was always fun having you, great questions, really, no I mean that”.

“Goodbye Mrs. Cox”.

:Goodbye Jennifer, take care- oh look, it’s Mr. Bellidore, how are you?”

“Oh I’m fine, but I’m kind of in a hurry to…”

Drop off Todd and susan? Dropping off the twins?”

“Well, with the mortgage and all, it’s for the best I think”.

“Oh, I completely understand. Hi susan, hi Todd!”

“Hi Todd, Hi sue-”

“Hey Jimmy, Jennifer, how are you? What are you doin’ tonight?”

“”Well, I dunno, we’re kind of gettin’ dropped off and all, but”

Awesome! Us too!- Bye mom, bye Mr. Bellidore”

“Bye son, bye Mrs. Ferguson, Mrs. Cox”!

“Goodbye”.  

And goodbye from us too! For EarthSourceMedia, I’m joey racano saying, Goodnight and go with grace”. -ESM

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Tags: nebraska abandonment, joe lieberman, powerful democrats, president elect obama, safe haven law, coral reefs, ocean acidification, rambo, veterans, national parks, hillary clinton, russ feingold, john mccain, supreme court, governor arnold schwarzenegger, united nations, hillary the movie, bush administration, haze cutting sunlight

‘Pro Bono’

Friday, November 14th, 2008

sir bono

EarthSourceMedia Reports for November 14th, 2008

 ‘Pro Bono’

California:

What could be more ridiculous than thousands of people taking part in the ‘Great California Shakeout’, (a drill that simulated a 7.8 magnitude earthquake) regardless of whether or not one of those will come in the future? First of all, when a planet that is 26,000 miles in circumference decides to start shaking its ass, just what in the hell do you expect to be able to do about it? The most you can really expect is get outdoors, hold on to something and say things like, “Holy mother of  jehusifa!” 

Second of all, who in the world talked 50 thousand people into stopping everything they were working on to play ‘let’s pretend there’s an earthquake’? Talk about a decrease in production. As regular ESM readers know, our motto here is ‘speak truth to youth’, so let me put it to ya straight, kids. Forget about an earthquake, hurricane, tornado, or people with pistols. Concentrate on your true peril- the democrats and republicans are dumping sewage and radiation into the sea and sky. They’ve cut down so many of your trees that now they’re working on the national forests, and they are creating something on the order of 8,000 new chemicals a day and releasing them into the environment. Now that’s what I call a major disaster, not some stupid virtual quake-a-shake-a.

Why, then, did anybody even call for this zany drill? To induce hysteria. It’s the same statement the authorities always make whenever they want you to shit your pants- ‘remain calm’, they say. Remain calm my ass. Have you ever heard of ‘TMT’? No, not the explosive, but that could well be part of TMT. It’s called ‘Terror Management Theory’. Honest to rocks (yes, rocks. I worship rocks, not a guy who created the universe for people who never get laid except to have babies, most of those babies having no social programs largely because of people like their parents) . In one of his books, Al Franken reveals the Bush administration did no less than 3 studies to see which way people vote when they live in perpetual fear for their lives. And the results were, even liberals who are constantly made to dwell on their own mortality were more likely to vote for strong leaders. UNFKNBLVBL. Moral of the story: Pollutants from industry pose a far greater threat than a purely speculative earthquake so, forget the shaking and look out for what they’re making. -ESM

Mexico City:

Last Wednesday, Mexican Federal Electoral Court upheld the election of President Calderon. To call this election controversial would be like calling Sarah Palin a moderate. Besides major riots by supporters of leftist candidate Obrador, election ballots were found in landfills. Here in America ballots were found out on our highways, but at least they never made it to the landfill. EarthSourceMedia suspects the court decision finally went forward because the opposition have now all been asassinated.

Port-Au-Prince, Haiti:

Another school has collapsed in this poverty-stricken country, known for its destitute people and denuded hillsides. Of course, education is the key to solving this countries multitude of problems. In order to avoid any more such tragedies, EarthSourceMedia suggests Haiti forsake traditional brick-tile-mortar schoolhouses. Kids will be safer, have increased attendance and a lot more fun if Haiti changes to holding classes in bounce-houses

Los Angeles, California:

Everyone loves ‘Dancing with the Stars’. I especially like Brook. That gal is so hot I had to use a cannister of compressed air to clean the dust from my computer fans. But the pressure of competition and trauma of failure gets so intense the show now sends contestants to a psychologist. Such a precaution might have avoided the suicide of former ‘American Idol’ contestant Paula Goodspeed, recently found dead in her car near the home of American Idol judge Paula Abdul. EarthSourceMedia could never send Abdul a more potent message about the dangers of mass media and responsibility for those hopeful hearts whose dreams we so publicly crush. Rest peacefully Ms Goodspeed- it took guts to get up there and belt out ‘Proud Mary’, not many could have done it. From one musician to another, you were a superstar in your heart and nothing else matters. -ESM

Los Angeles, California:

A letter in the LA Times opinion section Thursday commented on a Times editorial that said decency enforcement against ‘fleeting expletives’ was frivolous. EarthSourceMedia agrees with the Times editorial staff on this one, and ‘we’ll go ya a step further’, as is our way here at ESM. The letter criticising the Times was written by Timothy F. Winter, president of the Parents Television Council’. Mr. Winter thinks it’s ok to censor kids from hearing words like ‘Fuck’ and such, but EarthSourceMedia doesn’t agree. ESM knows Mr. Winter says ‘Fuck’ in front of his own kids when he hurts himself on that stupid garage door, and says, ‘shit’ in front of them when he burns his hand on the barbacue. Mr. Winter is what we here at ESM term a ‘bitch’. Why? Because the Times was right- when your kid sits down to TV and watches 90 murders, fifty stabbings, nine poisonings and eighty-four forensic cadaver dissections every day, it most certainly is frivolous to worry about ‘fleeting expletives’.

The censorship Mr. TV Presidente’ favors, leads to the situation we have today, where kids run around at school in camoflauge army fatigues because military recruiters are on campus or have brainwashed them into joining the ‘tomorrows soldiers’ cult, ensuring the US military will have fresh meat for their next imperialist excursion- all the while never allowing these kids to see the flag-draped coffins of those they are replacing.   And it further chaps our hides here at EarthSourceMedia that the right-wing neocons who turned America into a police state are using (U2 lead singer) Bono as the poster child for indecent speech because he got a Grammy and said he felt ‘fucking excellent!’.

The Bono we here at EarthSourceMedia know and love is the one who manages to bring right-wing republican senators with him on tours of foreign lands, showing them the human side of political policy, changing their lives forever. The Bono that was favored by people all over the world to head up the World Bank, but was passed over by neocons with policies like Mr. Winter, for Paul Wolfowitz, architect of the infamous ‘Project for a New American Century’, (look that up in your wikkapedia kids!). Wolfowitz, like many of the Bush cabal, was eventually forced out in disgrace.

Tell ’em Sir Bono (the dude was knighted!):

“But I still haven’t found

what I’m looking for….”

For earthSourceMedia, this is joey racano saying, Goodnight and go with grace!”

note: ESM was on assignment to the california Coastal Commission yesterday and hence, no blog. Thanks for the true blue who visited the site anyway!  jr

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Tags: bono, paul wolfowitz, project for a new american century, california coastal commission, world bank, republican senators, paula abdul, american idol, dancing with the stars, brook, paula goodspeed, great california shakeout, terror management theory, president calderon, obrador, sarah palin, bush, earthquake, hurricane, pistols, al franken, hysteria 

‘Party Patrol’

Wednesday, November 12th, 2008

ka-pow!!

EarthSourceMedia reports for November 12th, 2008

‘Party Patrol’

Lifetime judicial appointments are like money and fame. In the right hands, one can travel the world, stroking the nappy heads of claymore mine amputees. In the wrong hands, you might hang out at jet-set bars, drinking ’till your arrest makes the hollywood gossip section. Well, the Supreme Court picks of George W. Bush were made by the wrong hands. Case in point- a 5-4 decision has  just been handed down by the Bush court favoring more military insanity over ecology, giving the Navy the ok to blast whales to oblivion with SONAR.

The majority decision was written by Chief Justice John Roberts, a dangerously brilliant christian weirdo with dark, glassy speed-freak eyes. In his decision, he spewed the same old crap; protecting whales from SONAR could jeopardize the readiness of the Navy fleet. Sure. And speaking of ships, boy do we need a bunch of horrible gigantic gray metal hulks wallowing around leaking JP-4 fuel at the docks near our salt water wetlands! I like ’em better as artificial reefs.

This warped decision also serves to point up the dangers of having elected Barack Obama instead of say, a Ralph Nader. It was like hitting the ‘snooze’ button on our alarm clocks. We’re falling back asleep at our own great peril, and this koo-koo Supreme Court, packed with oil company agents like Anton Scalia and religious zealots like Roberts, Thomas and Alito- will be putting war and resource extraction ahead of our planet until the day they die.  -ESM       

Covington, Louisiana:

A woman recruited on the internet by white supremecists attended a KKK indoctrination ceremony and was murdered when she asked to leave. She was killed by the groups 44-year-old leader, Raymon ‘Chuck’ Foster, her body thrown beneath a bush. Robes, flags and weapons were found at the site. In an interview, St. Tammany Parish Sherriff Jack Strain said, “The IQ level of this group was not impressive, to be kind.” He also added, “I can’t imagine anyone feeling endangered or at risk by any one of these kooks.” EarthSourceMedia would suggest that the dead lady may have felt some risk- especially just before she was shot and killed. Perhaps Sheriff Strain is straining the truth as he covers up for his buddies.

Washington, DC:

Democrats are trying to get bailout money for General Motors, whose stocks have fallen to the lowest point since 1943 (largely due to the decision to crush and destroy their EV-1 electric cars). But lame-duck president George W. Bush wants to tie a free trade agreement with Columbia to any such aid. Even the LA Times agreed in an editorial today. The fact that the Bush administration/oil companies aren’t willing to help GM in its time of need is nothing more than karma. GM sold its soul to the devil when it sided with the oil companies in the early days of the Bush administration, cancelling its ZEV (zero emission vehicle) program and building a fleet of gas-guzzlers instead –as oil prices went through the roof. Now, the devil has hung GM out to dry. EarthSourceMedia sees any free trade agreement with Columbia as a smokescreen to cocaine trafficking anyway- and that traffic all points north.

Los Angeles:

An unexpected result of America turning into a police state are the cottage industries springing up, such as the growth of law enforcement agencies- there are many more police. And these police need recreation, like everone else. Well, perhaps not exactly like everyone else. Some municipalities, like San Diego and Los Angeles, are taking the step of banning outdoor consumption of alcohol, or banning deputies from carrying guns if they’ve been drinking. Seems there have been too many incidents of deputies being arrested for drunken driving, pulling guns, even shooting people. In LA County this year, there have been 61 alcohol-related arrests of deputies. One deputy was placed on leave when he shot a man in the leg at a New Years party. Another had 11 drinks celebrating his return from Iraq and shot his friend, killing him.

Their union is arguing that taking away a deputy’s gun puts him and his family at risk, asking, “What should a deputy do when he is with his family and runs into a violent offender he incarcerated?” As far as we here at EarthSourceMedia are concerned, that’s an easy one- just start shooting up everything in sight, walls, people, parolees, bystanders, chandeliers, everything! We’ve had a few too many, and it’s (hic!) all in good fun anyway, right? Ka-pow! Pa-keww! Blam! #@!* HEY YOU THERE, PULL OVER tee-hee-hee-hee!) Blam-blap-blam! Feel safer? Us too! 

    Well, (pa-kow!) that’s it for us today at (ker-plooie!) EarthSourceMedia, and I’m joey racano saying, (krak-ak-ak-ak-ak-ak-ak!) Goodnight and go with (ka-pewwwww!) grace!”   -ESM 

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Tags: judicial appointments, navy sonar, us supreme court, obama, police state, whales, columbia, free trade, bush, electric car, oil companies, law enforcement, military, kkk, ecology, chief justice john roberts, alito, thomas, anton scalia 

‘Nuclear Reaction’

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

nuclearage

EarthSourceMedia Reports for November 11th, 2008

‘Nuclear Reaction’

Miami:

The Republican Governors Association will meet this week in Miami. Festivities will include a panel discussion entitled, ‘Looking Toward the Future’. The panel discussion will feature former GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, who plans to meet with the press to answer questions about her role in the McCain campaign and her future with the party. Sarah’s quotes are no longer making headlines, having been relegated to tiny blurbs like the 1 square inch article on page 14 of todays Los Angeles Times. Let’s face it, it only takes a square inch to spit vitriol, her specialty. However in this case, she said, “It’s amazing we did as well as we did”, alluding to the impossible task of trying to overcome 8 years of Bush policies to win the general election. EarthSourceMedia for once, agrees, but chimes in- ‘Sarah, shut up’.

San Onofre, California:

In a feeble attempt to ‘mitigate’ (make up for) the terrible damage done each day to marine life by the San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant’s giant sea water intake tube, officials yesterday dumped tons of rocks in the water to simulate a reef where kelp might be restored.  It cost millions of dollars to ‘build the reef’; in other words, to dump rocks in the water so they can continue to suck in and kill vast amounts of creatures with a clear concience. EarthSourceMedia takes exception to this destruction and to the devious spin of calling it the ‘San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station’, acronym, ‘s.o.n.g.s.’- or even calling it a power plant. Plants are green, give us oxygen and are beautiful. This is none of those. This is the epitome of public relations spin doctoring.

 What they call ‘songs and plants’, we call radioactivity, dead kelp beds, sucked-in plankton and burned fish. Case in point- whenever I speak before the Nuclear Regulatory Commission in San Luis Obispo, I always make it a point to call their Diablo Canyon Nuclear Plant the, “Devil Canyon Atomic Reactor”. Once, I held a camera in my hand and snapped a photo of the NRC just as I said that and that shot remains a classic to this day- enjoy!  -ESM

Mexico City, Mexico:

Mexican president Felipe Calderon has caused an uproar by choosing former defense lawyer Fernando Gomez Mont as Interior Minister, replacing Juan Mourino, who was killed last week in a very suspicious plane crash. As a lawyer, Mont represented high profile defendants such as Carlos Peniche, a banker who ripped off $700 million dollars. Calderon says the evidence shows the plane crash was an accident. EarthSourceMedia says the choice for Minister shows that mexico’s drug violence has culminated in the mob taking over the highest levels of government, something that happened in the U.S. a long time ago.  -ESM

   Bridgeport, Connecticut:

So much flu is being spread among people packed onto commuter trains that officials here have implemented a program called, ‘vaccination at the station’. EarthSourceMedia suggests you get a job near home and avoid taking the ‘bird-flu express’ altogether. -ESM

Jersey City, New Jersey:

‘singin’ in the rain

Police got City Councilman Steven Lippski, a democratic, to agree to ‘stop drinking’ after a night on the town gone awry. The councilman was arrested after concert goers complained they were being urinated on from a second floor balcony. He was charged with simple assault.

Washington:

Republican congressman Paul Broun of Georgia is sounding a warning alarm about what he calls Obama’s ‘plan to create a civilian force equal to the U.S. military’, alluding to part of a speech Obama gave in July. Obama’s speech actually called for creation of a civilian force to ‘take some of the burden off the military’, but many rightists compare such a force with the Hitler Youth of Nazi Germany. EarthSourceMedia reminds the right wing among us that their beloved Pope was himself a member of the Hitler Youth. Also, such a civilian force may be an excellent remedy for a people who have lost many of their rights and much of their constitution. Count me in!

That is news for November 11th. From the nuclear reactors to the peoples reaction to the nuclear, I’m joey racano saying, “Goodnight and go with grace”.  -ESM 

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Tags: republican governors association, sarah palin, mccain, san onofre nuclear generating station, nuclear regulatory commission, san luis obispo, diablo canyon nuclear plant, mexican president felipe calderon, interior minister juan mourino, carlos peniche, mexico drug violence, mob, vaccination, bird flu, councilman steven lippski, washington, republican congressman paul broun, obama, civilian force, military, nazi germany, pope, hitler youth, constitution

‘The Sun Never Sets on the American Empire’

Monday, November 10th, 2008

noise abatement

EarthSourceMedia reports for November 10th, 2008

‘The Sun Never Sets on the American Empire’

Washington DC:

That poor, misunderstood insurance giant American Insurance Group, known affectionately as ‘A.I.G., (as in, ‘Gee whiz’) need fret no longer. Our government has reached a deal to nix the $123 billion dollar bailout, and upped it to $150 billion. Apparently, the sight of those poor wealthy execs quivering out in the cold, lips purpling, dirt on their little faces- it was just too much. The details are expected to be released today when the company will report third quarter earnings. Taxpayers, who will foot the bill, were quoted as saying, “Here ya go, little guy, aww, here’s another 27 billion, there.  

World:

To nobody’s surprise, it has come to light that American military forces have been operating in more places than had previously been divulged. As a result of hard pressure from then-Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, George W, Bush signed an order in 2004, allowing U.S. forces to attack ‘Al-Qaeda’ pretty much anywhere, with no further authority needed. This resulted in the United States military ‘working’ with the CIA in up to 20 countries around the globe. For example, in 2007, a C-130 missile was dropped on a remote fishing village near the Kenyan border. But not to worry- U.S. commandos and ethiopian troops were on scene within a few hours, examining the rubble, checking for ‘Al-Qaeda’. The sun never sets on the American empire. Let’s hope it doesn’t set too many times before the war crimes trials begin. -ESM

Coronado, California:

The public is being notified to expect an increase in Fighter jet traffic in the skies over North Island Naval Air Station in the next week or so for Military training exercises. Anyone with complaints about jet noise may call the bases ‘noise-abatement hotline’ at (619) 545-8233 (actual number).

EarthSourceMedia expects a typical call to go like this:

R-r-r-r-ring! R-r-r-r-r-r-ring! R-r-r-r-r-ring! R-r-r-r-ring! R-r-r-ring! Ra-ra-ra-R-r-r-ring! (Can I get a) R-r-r-r-ring! R-r-r-r-ring!

“Abatement hotline, thank you for calling!…”

“HELLO?? IS ANYBODY THERE HELLO? THESE JETS ARE SO LOUD I CANT TELL IF YOU’RE…”

“..can’t come to the phone right now so if you’ll leave your…”

“THE GLASS IN MY HUTCH JUST SHATTERED, OH LORD, IS ANYONE THERE? HELLO? LORDY MY! HELLO?”

“…to serve you from Mondays through saturdays between the hours of..”

!@%#! WAS MY GREAT GREAT GRANDMOTHERS AND CAN NEVER BE REPLACED HELLO?

“…and keeping you safe…you for understanding, goodbye” (De-De-De-de-de-de-de…)

Jerusalem:

The Church of the Holy Sepulcher yesterday became the church of the ‘holy christ, what are you idiots doing in there?’ for a short time, as Israeli police were called to one of christianity’s holiest places to break up a fight between Armenian and Greek Orthodox monks. EarthSourceMedia sees much irony in fighting at the place where the Prince of Peace was crucified, buried and ressurected, and also in calling Israelis to come and make peace.

Lexington, Virginia:

Vice President Dick Cheney told 3,000 people yesterday the transition between presidential administrations “would be smooth”. In his address before the Military Institute of Virginia, he told cadets, “Those who hate America are no match for those who love America”. EarthSourceMedia notes that such military acadamy’s are the only places where neocon dinosaurs like Cheney -reviled throughout the world- can any longer safely appear in public. As for Cheney’s departure, we also agree the transition will be smooth- perhaps even ‘slimy’.  -ESM

Evanston, Illinois:

Police have found a 90 year old woman living in a house with the long-dead bodies of her three siblings, some believed to have been deceased ‘since the early 80’s’. No foul play is suspected. When told by police her siblings had died, the woman said, “Ohhhh- everybody’s been so quiet- and they all looked so skinny!”. -ESM

Monterey, Mexico:

A woman lawyer who represents the very worst of drug-trafficking criminals has recieved many threats and has been shot many times. She has recovered from wounds to her head, lung, stomach and buttocks. She is however, just doing her job, and -judging from all the drug violence in the streets of Mexico- seems to be good at it. Perhaps she might be considered to defend members of the Bush cabal, if and when congress musters the intestinal fortitude (guts) to develop ongoing investigations into actual prosecution. Good lawyers are hard to find- just ask former President Bill Clinton, whose lawyer -I. Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby- is no longer practicing.

That’s our news for November 10th, 2008-

From the gaseous compartments of submarine suffocation, to the oiled arches of national park nullification, I’m joey racano for earthSourceMedia saying, ‘Goodnight, and go with grace” -ESM 

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Tags: aig, american insurance group, submarine suffocation, national park drilling, bush, clinton, libby, cheney, rumsfeld, church of the holy sepulcher, al-qaeda, american military, cia, covert ops