‘Pro Bono’

sir bono

EarthSourceMedia Reports for November 14th, 2008

 ‘Pro Bono’

California:

What could be more ridiculous than thousands of people taking part in the ‘Great California Shakeout’, (a drill that simulated a 7.8 magnitude earthquake) regardless of whether or not one of those will come in the future? First of all, when a planet that is 26,000 miles in circumference decides to start shaking its ass, just what in the hell do you expect to be able to do about it? The most you can really expect is get outdoors, hold on to something and say things like, “Holy mother of  jehusifa!” 

Second of all, who in the world talked 50 thousand people into stopping everything they were working on to play ‘let’s pretend there’s an earthquake’? Talk about a decrease in production. As regular ESM readers know, our motto here is ‘speak truth to youth’, so let me put it to ya straight, kids. Forget about an earthquake, hurricane, tornado, or people with pistols. Concentrate on your true peril- the democrats and republicans are dumping sewage and radiation into the sea and sky. They’ve cut down so many of your trees that now they’re working on the national forests, and they are creating something on the order of 8,000 new chemicals a day and releasing them into the environment. Now that’s what I call a major disaster, not some stupid virtual quake-a-shake-a.

Why, then, did anybody even call for this zany drill? To induce hysteria. It’s the same statement the authorities always make whenever they want you to shit your pants- ‘remain calm’, they say. Remain calm my ass. Have you ever heard of ‘TMT’? No, not the explosive, but that could well be part of TMT. It’s called ‘Terror Management Theory’. Honest to rocks (yes, rocks. I worship rocks, not a guy who created the universe for people who never get laid except to have babies, most of those babies having no social programs largely because of people like their parents) . In one of his books, Al Franken reveals the Bush administration did no less than 3 studies to see which way people vote when they live in perpetual fear for their lives. And the results were, even liberals who are constantly made to dwell on their own mortality were more likely to vote for strong leaders. UNFKNBLVBL. Moral of the story: Pollutants from industry pose a far greater threat than a purely speculative earthquake so, forget the shaking and look out for what they’re making. -ESM

Mexico City:

Last Wednesday, Mexican Federal Electoral Court upheld the election of President Calderon. To call this election controversial would be like calling Sarah Palin a moderate. Besides major riots by supporters of leftist candidate Obrador, election ballots were found in landfills. Here in America ballots were found out on our highways, but at least they never made it to the landfill. EarthSourceMedia suspects the court decision finally went forward because the opposition have now all been asassinated.

Port-Au-Prince, Haiti:

Another school has collapsed in this poverty-stricken country, known for its destitute people and denuded hillsides. Of course, education is the key to solving this countries multitude of problems. In order to avoid any more such tragedies, EarthSourceMedia suggests Haiti forsake traditional brick-tile-mortar schoolhouses. Kids will be safer, have increased attendance and a lot more fun if Haiti changes to holding classes in bounce-houses

Los Angeles, California:

Everyone loves ‘Dancing with the Stars’. I especially like Brook. That gal is so hot I had to use a cannister of compressed air to clean the dust from my computer fans. But the pressure of competition and trauma of failure gets so intense the show now sends contestants to a psychologist. Such a precaution might have avoided the suicide of former ‘American Idol’ contestant Paula Goodspeed, recently found dead in her car near the home of American Idol judge Paula Abdul. EarthSourceMedia could never send Abdul a more potent message about the dangers of mass media and responsibility for those hopeful hearts whose dreams we so publicly crush. Rest peacefully Ms Goodspeed- it took guts to get up there and belt out ‘Proud Mary’, not many could have done it. From one musician to another, you were a superstar in your heart and nothing else matters. -ESM

Los Angeles, California:

A letter in the LA Times opinion section Thursday commented on a Times editorial that said decency enforcement against ‘fleeting expletives’ was frivolous. EarthSourceMedia agrees with the Times editorial staff on this one, and ‘we’ll go ya a step further’, as is our way here at ESM. The letter criticising the Times was written by Timothy F. Winter, president of the Parents Television Council’. Mr. Winter thinks it’s ok to censor kids from hearing words like ‘Fuck’ and such, but EarthSourceMedia doesn’t agree. ESM knows Mr. Winter says ‘Fuck’ in front of his own kids when he hurts himself on that stupid garage door, and says, ‘shit’ in front of them when he burns his hand on the barbacue. Mr. Winter is what we here at ESM term a ‘bitch’. Why? Because the Times was right- when your kid sits down to TV and watches 90 murders, fifty stabbings, nine poisonings and eighty-four forensic cadaver dissections every day, it most certainly is frivolous to worry about ‘fleeting expletives’.

The censorship Mr. TV Presidente’ favors, leads to the situation we have today, where kids run around at school in camoflauge army fatigues because military recruiters are on campus or have brainwashed them into joining the ‘tomorrows soldiers’ cult, ensuring the US military will have fresh meat for their next imperialist excursion- all the while never allowing these kids to see the flag-draped coffins of those they are replacing.   And it further chaps our hides here at EarthSourceMedia that the right-wing neocons who turned America into a police state are using (U2 lead singer) Bono as the poster child for indecent speech because he got a Grammy and said he felt ‘fucking excellent!’.

The Bono we here at EarthSourceMedia know and love is the one who manages to bring right-wing republican senators with him on tours of foreign lands, showing them the human side of political policy, changing their lives forever. The Bono that was favored by people all over the world to head up the World Bank, but was passed over by neocons with policies like Mr. Winter, for Paul Wolfowitz, architect of the infamous ‘Project for a New American Century’, (look that up in your wikkapedia kids!). Wolfowitz, like many of the Bush cabal, was eventually forced out in disgrace.

Tell ’em Sir Bono (the dude was knighted!):

“But I still haven’t found

what I’m looking for….”

For earthSourceMedia, this is joey racano saying, Goodnight and go with grace!”

note: ESM was on assignment to the california Coastal Commission yesterday and hence, no blog. Thanks for the true blue who visited the site anyway!  jr

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Tags: bono, paul wolfowitz, project for a new american century, california coastal commission, world bank, republican senators, paula abdul, american idol, dancing with the stars, brook, paula goodspeed, great california shakeout, terror management theory, president calderon, obrador, sarah palin, bush, earthquake, hurricane, pistols, al franken, hysteria 

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