‘Benefits of War’

medicinal purposes

EarthSourceMedia reports for November 8th, 2008

In a wild departure from an egomaniac who made statements like, “God wants me to be President”, President Elect Barack Obama went to an animal shelter to get a puppy for his kids and said, “Mutts like me”, referring to his mixed-race heritage. Although I did not vote for either candidate of the two-party system, I do recognize a humility in this man and the hope he has brought to America. Now it is up to the people to realize that change must come from us. After all, it’s not the man, but those he inspires. -ESM

Washington:

In an indication of corporate media priorities, the Los Angeles Times today pondered what breed of dog the President Elect would choose, while news of a large growing hole in the Earth’s ozone layer over Antarctica languished in the lower left-hand corner of page 19. EarthSourceMedia hopes to fill a growing ‘information gap’ as mainstream media moves on to cover their next priority: what puppies name will be. Rex? Fido? Doonesbury? 

Science and Medicine:

New research has determined through magnetic imaging that ‘bullies’ undergo an increase in brain activity at times when others feel pain. This could explain why evangelicals see a halo on George W. Bush and Sarah Palin.  

Alaska:

A spokeswoman for former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin said that two people were told to ‘clean up Todd’ so he could ‘look the part’, referring to the vice president’s oft-disheveled spouse. It took two suits and $40,000.00- enough to clean up every chain gang in Louisiana. 

Detroit:

General Motors is screaming for bailout money, saying they are losing billions in cash every quarter. EarthSourceMedia points to this as the free market system working as it should- GM killed the electric car, saying there was ‘no market for them’, and yet the Prius became a number one seller. Bad decision, bad company, bad idea to bail them out.

Washington, DC:

On his way out the door, President Bush is passing a flurry of ‘anti-regulation regulations’, in hopes of keeping polluters and other miscreants safe from having to act within the boundaries of ethical and moral decency. One of those regulations is causing outrage at hospitals, who said yesterday it greatly narrows the way they can spend medicaire money helping the poor. EarthSource Media sees this to be in stark contrast to the $750 billion dollars used to bail out the wealthy on wall street.

Pakistan:

In our ‘air strike-of-the-day’, an American missile killed 13 people inside Pakistan. U.S. Military officials said the missile, “…hit the house of a Taliban leader”. Because the Taliban is a religious group, EarthSourceMedia concludes that if the American Military outlaws any religion, it’s leaders will be bombed in their own country, in their own home. A while back, during the United States precipitous plunge into paranoia and idealogical darkness, a teacher was fired for comments he made that were secretly recorded by a student who had hidden a tape recorder beneath his desk. In those comments, the teacher made the point that since we bomb Afghanistan because they grow poppies used to make Heroin, which has killed thousands of Americans, it might be argued that China could bomb North Carolina because they grow tobacco, which kills millions of Chinese. Let’s hope nobody outlaws the christians.

Britain:

A British pilot had a stroke in mid-flight and was temporarily blinded. Flight support on the ground were able to ‘talk him down’, and he landed safely, giving a whole new meaning to ‘flying blind’.

Arcadia, California:

A 140 pound female Mountain Lion was killed yesterday after she killed a dog in a backyard. She may also have killed other pets in the area. Unfortunately, the ‘area’ is a development next to the Cleveland National Forest, a place where EarthSourceMedia thinks you should protect the wildlife before the pets. If you’re going to move into the wild, you have to take your place in the food chain- and it’s not at the top.

 San Diego, California:

Semper Die

Today’s San Diego Union Tribune ran a story about how war-zone medicine can help us here at home.

A conference at Mercy Hospital in Hillcrest yesterday touted the stateside applications of battlefield trauma treatment. Such treatment might have come in handy last month when four Camp Pendleton Marines killed a fellow marine and his wife after ransacking their home in a Riverside County robbery. Another excellent application of trauma treatment learned in illegal wars started by lying to the american people would be the 8 year old who killed his father and uncle yesterday, utilizing a gun and his video game training. Finally, EarthSourceMedia suggests using the medical advances in trauma care for school violence, police violence, gang violence and even domestic violence. Let’s face it folks, war has finally found it’s niche.

From the many military graves I saw at Point Loma Thursday, to the backhoe there working feverishly to dig new ones, I’m joey racano saying, “Goodnight and go with grace”. -ESM 

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Tags: mutts, obama, bush, sarah palin, todd palin, trauma, mountain lion, pets, flying blind, gang violence, schools, wall street, hospitals, domestic violence, hope, inspiration, christianity, taliban, iraq, pakistan,

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