‘Free Keith Olbermann!’

Year of the Dragon

EarthSourceMedia Reports for October 27th, 2008

Another day goes by and ‘Decision ’08’ draws yet closer, conjuring visuals of liberation -such as tall iron gates finally being flung violently open, or impending doom, as in a bunker-buster bomb descending above your bedroom- it depends on your point of view. Tellingly, page B10 of the venerable New York Times is a very large full-page color photo ad for ‘Hardball’ with Chris Mathews saying ‘viewer turnout is way up’. Nice picture, nice guy. I happen to like Mr. Mathews and respect his integrity. What worries me though, is the complete absence of pal Keith Olbermann, who is the best reporter in the world although probably too honest and opinionated for his (careers) own good. Trust me America, the squelching of voices such as his is a threat to our freedom such as ‘terrorism’ could never be.

At this point, it is pretty darn frightening that all the media in the world is owned or controlled by people you could count on one hand; billboards, radio stations, newspapers, movies, record labels, television networks, magazines, soon, even the internet. And all these outlets wash dishes for the same underlying theme- God. God is great- so long as he’s my God and not your God. And you know the God I’m talking about too, the one who just told Reverand Schuller to kick his son the hell out of the show. The one who has his followers running through the jungle chasing down and converting Yanomamis. The one who hates gays, loves guns, makes Sarah Palin speak in tongues, created the multi-verse and everything in it but goddammit, hates it when you masturbate!

Anyway, EarthSourceMedia says:  Free Keith Olbermann

Washington DC:

Rejecting the polls, which show Obama with a double-digit lead and opening, Candidate McCain says, “I don’t care what they say, I’m going to win it!”. Maybe he knows something we don’t know. Perhaps Rove, Wolfowitz, Fox News, Rupert Murdoch, Satan and Cheney have already told John ‘the fix is in’. Could be. I’ll just wait for the riots.

Baghdad:

The United States has warned Iraq that if they don’t sign the new pact on status of military forces, all military actions will come to a halt. Iraqi officials are saying it is blackmail, but EarthSourceMedia says, “That will be the fucking day“. We’re bombing Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Syria at the same time, and it’s a lot more likely we’ll start bombing someone else than stop bombing any current bomb-ees. And bombing isn’t the only way we wage war. A photo in todays NY Times shows Iranian President Mahmoud Amadinejad surrounded by bodyguards and looking none too healthy on his feet. Iraqi officials say he’s ‘exhausted’, but I suspect he was poisoned.

Personally, I’m still fuming about the way Amhadinejad was treated by Columbia University’s President Lee Bollinger as the former spoke before the United Nations. It was a classless display of intolerance and bigotry, and I remain aghast that Bollinger presumed to speak for me and our nation. More recently however, Ahmadinejad came before the UN this past September 24th, and he doled it out pretty well himself, saying, “The United States is nearing the end of it’s empire”.  UCLA Professor Jared Diamond’s recent book, ‘Collapse’, and the way Wall Street is dragging world markets down with it both serve to place an exclamation point at the end of Mr. Ahmadinejad’s bold statement. -ESM  

 Columbia, South Carolina:

South Carolina residents overwhelmingly approve of offshore oil drilling, a new poll shows. We at ESM are forced to take this news with the proverbial grain of salt, as these same people approve of slavery, caning, and marrying within the immediate family. 

Shanghai:

Hong Kong food inspectors have found what they believe to be tainted eggs entering the country from China. Tainted eggs have now sickened over 500,000 Chinese. Inspectors identified the eggs from high levels of toxins, a yellowish tinge, and scaly hatchlings with barbed tails that breathed fire. 

Thank you for visiting EarthSourceMedia, always ireverent to the powerful and mindful of the meek. Until next time, this is joey racano saying, “Goodnight, and go with grace”. -ESM

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.