‘Obamarama!’ by joey racano

Joey 4 President

EarthSourceMedia Reports for October 26th, 2008

 ‘Obamarama!’

Let’s face it, this is gettin’ downright exciting what with 9 days to go and all until we either go completely head-over-heels fascist or people take back the country. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t mean Obama is going to ‘take back’ anything- he would be a figurehead. His only power would be what is bestowed upon him by the new branch of American Government known as the ‘runaway executive’, created by neocons, the lord, and presided over by Karl Rove. And what exactly will those powers be? Why, not a dam thing, silly- McCain, maybe, but a black man? Nuh-uh. Not even a half-black man will get to use any of those new-fangled ‘spy-cheat-steal-kill-pray’ powers in the United States of Xenophobia, where the only thing men fear more than their jealous and vengeful God is some long-dicked black man come satisfy his women! 

No, the ‘take back America’ part will be in the hands of ordinary folks, both black and white, and red-brown and yellow, for that matter- who will see the election of a pseudo-leftist non-completely-white man as a license to stand up and push back against non-secular hipocracy- finally! EarthSourceMedia says look for fireworks, one way or another!

Washington DC:

According to John Crewdson of the Chicago Tribune, yet another epidemic is sweeping the country- people who brag of having received all kinds of medals for heroic military deeds but can’t actually prove having been awarded them. In one study, fully one third of those who claim medals aren’t supported by military records, and even in obituaries, 4 of 5 ‘heroes’ seem to have no real documentation to back up medals attributed to the deceased.  Perhaps this epidemic is caused by the fact that GI’s who come home on leave wearing medals have a 95% higher instance of ‘scoring’ with star-struck gals-back-home, gals with names like ‘Betty-jo’, ‘Jenny’, ‘Betsy’, or even, ‘Easy Alice’. In any case, EarthSourceMedia finds it very distasteful to claim honors to which only the brave belong, some still lying out on the all-too-numerous battlefields of the world.

Signed, Joey Racano, recipient and/or winner of:

Medal of Honor, 1973, Viet Nam, helping Rambo free 6 POW’s, Ka-Saan* Blue Maxx, 1942, traveling back through time, Bermuda Triangle to locate Flight 19, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida* Purple Heart, 2000, for putting up with stolen election* Silver Star, 2004, observing another stolen election* Navy Cross, 2008, watching USA go down tubes

 Little Rock, Arkansas:

KATV anchorwoman Anne Pressly was beaten in an attack at her home and has died of her injuries. Lovely, young and talented, Ms Pressly had recently appeared in Oliver Stones new movie, ‘W’. This may be circumstancial, but ESM believes there is a good chance she was killed by a right-wing idiot.  -ESM

New York, N.Y.:

Saturday Night Live alumni Chevy Chase says he thinks allowing Sarah Palin on the show was a big mistake because of her lack of improvisational skills. EarthSourceMedia feels Chevy got it half right. It was a mistake alright, but not for her lack of skills; it was a mistake to give any noteriety to a she-devil incarnate who was instrumental in stopping Measure 2, which would have outlawed shooting wolves from planes, loaded her administration with mining officials and wants to replace the worlds last great salmon run with the worlds greatest gold mine. Let’s keep that bitch off the show, shall we? Shame on you Tina Fey.

Mexico:

Mexican citizens are rioting in the streets after legislation passed to basically hand the Mexican oil giant PEMEX away from the people and into the hands of oil compaies- ESM wonders, perhaps American oil companies? The legislation was intended to increase oil production, and fits right in with Obama and McCains ideas for increased exploring, drilling, refining, transporting, spilling, burning and all just in time for the end of the world as we know it.

That’s EarthSourceMedia for today, and so…hey, did I ever tell you about the time I was all alone, standing on ‘Pork Chop’ Hill, one bullet left, surrounded by ‘charlie’, bleeding from a head wound where my brains had slid out into a ditch lined with poisoned bunjee stix, with a baby under one arm and an M-16 under the other…well, next time, here at EarthSource, I’m joey racano saying, “Goodnight and go with grace”! -ESM 

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