Archive for October, 2008

‘Say Hello to my Little Friend’

Friday, October 31st, 2008

Rocky Racano

EarthSourceMedia Reports for October 31st, 2008

‘Say Hello to my Little Friend’

Morro Bay, California:

Hello everyone, don’t be afraid…come on in and Happy Halloween! Bwa-ha ha ha!

Just when you thought it was safe to breathe the air in this quaint little hamlet-by-the-sea, which harbors the nasty-ol’ Morro Bay Power Plant, the Bush administration has foiled us again! Seems that on their way out the door, the Bush cabal is fast-tracking a flurry of rules designed to further deregulate toxic polluting industry. Mining coal would become a bit easier because mountaintops could be removed and simply pushed into pristine streams waiting below for their black sooty bounty.

Power Plants, like the one in Morro Bay Estuary (site of a new Marine Protected Area) will have air pollution limits raised up to- well, up to whatever the highest level of emmissions that plant is capable of spewing -and the NMFS (National Marine Fisheries Service) has a new rule to put the ‘over-fishing’ industry in charge of itself! NMFS are the people behind the whole seal fiasco in LaJolla (see: www.helpsealthedeal.com). Once in, these rules will take time to change back, and should the election not be stolen, even with Obama in the Whitehouse, he may not change the rules because he keeps mentioning ‘clean’ coal in his speeches. Clean coal is very similar to dry water. It doesn’t exist. EarthSourceMedia points out that it was the refusal of the democrats to impeach Bush and Cheney that is allowing  this final rush to madness.

Los Angeles:

A member of the jury about to try recording wiz and suspected murderer Phil Spector has been hurt, once again delaying trial testimony. ESM is trying to substantiate rumours the juror hurt his back carrying a large bag of money away from a meeting with a Spector accountant.

Damascus, Syria:

In a perfect illustration of how well our ‘Peace Keeper’ missiles are keeping the peace, tens of thousands of Syrians massed by the Iraq border denouncing deadly U.S. missile strikes within their country, and calling for the death of Americans. Further proof of the wisdom of trying to convert the world into American satellites were abundant; A bomb killed 5 yesterday in Afghanistan, and a series of 13 coordinated bombings killed almost 100 people in India. So, we’re bombing Pakistan, Pakistan is bombing India, and India is getting help with their nuclear program from the United States. In a statement by the Whitehouse, George Bush said “Ya see? I told you they love us!”   

Sweden:

The Swedish Radiation Safety Authority said on it’s website that during a recent malfunction of it’s alarm system, the Oskarshamn Nuclear Plant used janitors to guard the plants perimeters. The janitors had no security training, but they left the plant glowing. -ESM 

Seattle, Washington:

A 61 year old former Washington University staff member doused himself with gasoline and burned to death on the crowded campus. In many cases of self immolation, there is a message of cause. Let’s face it, you have to really mean it when you light yourself on fire as it can cause great discomfort. But, as is often the case, authorities -who don’t want the public to become enflamed -never allow media to get the word out about why it was done. This was once again the case in todays headlines, which simply focused on the cops, fire extinguishers and macabre. EarthSourceMedia wants to know why. Iraq? Bush? Palin shooting wolves? CIA in the cocaine business? Columbia President Uribe snorting lines with Bush? Bush and Rice in bed? What the hell is going on that someone burned himself to death? -ESM    

Georgia:

A police officer was found guilty of conspiracy after an incident in which a 92 year old woman was shot during a mistaken drug raid. Realizing the unfortunate mix up, quick thinking Officer Arthur Tessler sprang into action. Sometimes, ‘oops‘ simply will not do, and an officer can avoid a lot of embarassing questions just by planting a few well-placed bags of marijuana. After all, its a well known fact a lot of elderly hide their pot among the tea stash. Some are even Al Qaeda.

Mexico City, Mexico:

Last in our scary Halloween column for October 31st, is a quickie about a Mexican narco raid on a mansion owned by real drug dealers. When police showed up, they were not greeted by guns or german shepherd dogs, but by Lions, white Tigers, and black Jaguars! The only thing harder to believe than the improbable manajerie is that the U.S. has nothing to do with the murder, mayhem and marijuana happening in Mexico on a daily basis or with the drug trade coming north across the border.

Whether it’s Heroin poppies from Afghanistan, Cocaine Coca leaves from Columbia or Acapulco Gold high-grade Mexican weed from Mexico, you can be sure of one common denominator- the market is the youth of the United States and the 9 year old inner city black youth dealing crack on the street isn’t the one bringing it in because he doesn’t have the resources. And joey knows drug smuggling. Dear old dad smuggled drugs for the Columbians back in the scarface days. Live by the sword, die by the sword- he was murdered in July, 1983. 

For EarthSourceMedia, I’m joey racano saying “Goodnight and go with grace”.

‘Decision 2008’

Thursday, October 30th, 2008

Fork in the Road

EarthSourceMedia Reports for October 30th, 2008

EarthSourceMedia Mini Editorial:

‘Decision 2008’

When citizens work to improve America, it should be known there are two such countries- the America in which we live, and the America that shall come to be. For better or worse, the America of today is already formed, her features beyond our control. It is the face of future America upon which we must decide and the state of the future State is being formed even as this editor writes.

In Al Gore’s book, ‘Earth in the Balance- Ecology and the Human Spirit’, there was a picture of an unrecognizable form, made up of smaller pictures. The form was made of black or white squares, and, as we were to see on the following page, all it took was one additional square to recognize the composite as the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln.

But remove that one square, and Honest Abe fell back into the depths of obsecurity from which he had come. The point our former Vice President was making was how hard it might be to see our ecological peril before it was too late to act. This fact is known well to the oil companies, who pour enormous money into disinformation campaigns designed to give the illusion there is still some question about global warming and if man might be causing it. Their goal is to keep us from taking the decisive action necessary to save ourselves while they swim in money until the end of the world.

The ultimate destination of our country is similarly hard to see without that ‘one more square’ added to the picture. It is likely that by the time we can see that destination, it would be too late to avoid should it be an undesireable one. A recent editorial in San Diego’s Union Tribune railed against the Washington Post and other newspapers for comparing the behavior of people at McCain/Palin rallies to those of people attending Nazi rallies during the rise of Hitler. The editorial went on to point out the great differences in severity of the activities, saying it was wrong to compare the two. But like all pro-capitalist right leaning news outlets from the Ayne Rand school of thought, this is a dangerous road to hoe. The issue isn’t whether or not we are another Third Reich– it is whether or not we are aimed in that direction and becoming more like one every day.

In choosing to walk the fine line between freedom and fascism, one mistake can take us past the point of no return, and America treds that fine line today. -ESM 

Damascus, Syria:

Thousands are attending a government sanctioned rally today, protesting American Military raids inside the country. The Syrian government is threatening to cut off security cooperation along the Iraq border if any further such raids occur, and has ordered the immediate closing of a cultural center and of an American school by November 6th.

Afghanistan:

Pakistans government has summoned U.S.Ambassador Anne Patterson to protest American missile strikes on that country as well. Such strikes are designed to stop terrorist strikes in the west

Kut, Iraq:

The U.S. Military turned control of Wasit Province back over to Iraqi authorities Wednesday saying the smuggling problem there was under control. Even as journalists, EarthSourceMedia finds it hard to understand how one country can give another country back to itself. Adding to the confusion is the language barrier, where for the first few days of the transfer troops from both countries continually asked each other, “Wasit?”

Lincoln, Nebraska:

Nebraska legislators are struggling with the now infamous ‘safe-haven’ law as more and more people continue dropping off their kids. At least 30 of those dropped off are 17 years old. No confirmation they have formed Nebraska’s newest gang, the ’18th Street Drop Offs’.

Washington DC:

‘Federal mortgage guarantees readied’ said a headline in todays Los Angeles Times as the Fed lowered it’s key interest rate to 1%, lowest since 2004. “We finally got a guarantee..” said an unidentified inner-city homeowner facing foreclosure. “We guaranteed to be out on our asses”.

Washington DC:

Nuclear detection device is audited 

The Department of Homeland Security exaggerated the performance of costly new machines designed to detect radiological material that could be used to make ‘dirty bombs’. Radiation found to be present in microwave ovens, televisions, computer screens, cell phones and glow in the dark necklaces is said to pose no problem whatsoever.

Los Angeles, California:

In the 2000 election, voting accuracy was called into question as it was again in Ohio in 2004. If ESM readers have concerns about the integrity of the upcoming presidential election, those concerns are well-founded; in the last 8 years since the Gore-Bush maelstrom, vote-counting precision has apparently made no progress at all. Voters in record numbers are using absentee ballots and Los Angeles is warning them their ballots may not make it back in time, so they should be hand delivered.

In three other states, ‘vote flipping’ has occurred; this is when you vote one way and the machine records it the opposite way. Only if a voting officer is present at that precinct at that time can this be reversed. Otherwise, you just voted for Sarah Palin.

Colorado:

Voters rights groups have sued to reinstate 30,000 names that have been removed from voting rolls, arguing their removal violates Federal law prohibiting such an action within 90 days of a federal election.

Florida:

Not only is Florida one of five states named in a complaint by the Justice Department to have engaged in misconduct related to minority voting, but 10,000 voters there are stuck on a list requiring them to be ‘identity checked’ on or before election day.

Georgia:

A Federal panel of judges ruled election officials need Justice Department approval to check voters immigration status but did not stop them from doing so.

Indiana:

Republicans are trying to shut down early voting, alleging fraud.

Michigan:

A federal judge ordered  election officials to cease removing voters from the rolls when their mail was returned by the Postal Service as undeliverable.

Mississippi:

Another of the ‘minority voting misconduct five’

Montana:

The Democrats had to sue to halt challenges to the eligability of 6,000 voters. A federal judge found the challenges to have been ‘frivolous’.

New Jersey:

Another of the ‘minority voting misconduct five’.

Ohio:

State Republican Party leaders are ‘negotiating’ with election officials about 200,000 voters whose data doesn’t exactly match with other forms of their records. Can you say, ‘TYPO‘?

Pennsylvania:

Civil rights groups filed suit to have emergency paper ballots on hand on election day in the event of voter machine ‘malfunction‘.

South Carolina:

Another of the ‘minority voting misconduct five’.

Tennessee:

Another of the ‘minority voting misconduct five’ as well as ‘disenfranchisement of overseas military voters’.

Virginia:

The NAACP has filed suit against Governor Tim Kaine, saying adequate preparations were not made to accomodate record numbers of new voters. The NAACP wants the Federal Government be put in charge of the election.

Wisconsin:

A Judge in Dane County threw out  a lawsuit by the State Attorney General that wanted election officials to validate the I.D. of hundreds of thousands of new voters by election day– appeal pending!

Now, take a look at Yahoo! news- it shows McCain to be ‘catching up’. Uh, yeah, sure, with Obama doing half-hour shows and millions upon millions of dollars pouring in to Obama in small contributions from little guys, a consistent double-digit lead, the economy in the tank -literally- record breaking new young voters, and Palin caught for more corruption on a daily basis. Does anyone really believe McCain could be within a hundred million votes? Not on your life, so don’t you believe it for a minute.

Republicans own the media and they intend to steal this election.

For EarthSourceMedia, I’m joey racano saying, “Everything is fine- all we need are some outside election observers. May I suggest Obrador, Ahmedinejad and Tony Montana? Goodnight and go with grace”.  

‘No Time to Hate!’

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

No Time to Hate

EarthSourceMedia Reports for October 29th, 2008

‘No Time to Hate’

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania:

It’s October again, and that means ‘World Series’ to the sports fan. It also means cold weather in much of the United States, which makes it tough when you’re trying to play, as is the case in Philly. The Philladelphia Phillies lead the upstart Tampa Bay Devil Rays 3 games to 1, but the last game is suspended due to rain. So how can a sports addict get a ‘fix’ during the long delay? The real action is Pakistan, where time is running out on the nuclear clock and Bush is sending one missile after another into Pakistani villages to provoke an incident the GOP can use to stop this long-lost election. Our last missile strike killed 8 innocent civilians, but it ain’t over yet. EarthSourceMedia is reporting an Earthquake has killed 170 people and with the U.S. Military looking to ‘mission accomplish’ the world, this could go either way.

Poor Pakistan, you say? Some would agree- a nuclear player themselves, Pakistan has acheived cult status in the U.S. by standing up to India, whom we all deal with when we order a fight on pay-per-view, get our computer fixed or pay the cable bill. And word from India is, they’re no longer satisfied with just nukes; they are going to do a Moon shot,  joining a very elite club. They plan to subdivide for a lunar network of 7-11’s, AM-PM’s and Circle ‘K’s. -ESM

Ohio:

Joe the Plumber has officially endorsed the McCain-Palin ticket for President and Vice President of the United States. While it’s true that Sarah Palin certainly has enough ‘vices’ to qualify for the office she seeks, the jury is still out on wether or not it is a plus for John McCain to get the endorsement of flash-in-the-pan star-for-a-minute Joe the Plumber. Joe doesn’t have a contractors license, owes back money to the IRS and practices a religion that has us all dying in a huge calamity quite soon. Rumor has it that Obama has been endorsed by Joe’s twin brother, ‘Mr. Clean’.

Tennessee:

Secret service agents now say that two white supremecists trying to kill Barack Obama and others were likely too disorganized to actually pull off the dirty deed. The men are apparently related to Beavis and Butthead, and insist they will prove the superiority of the white race as soon as they get their shoe laces to stay tied long enough to reach a grassy knoll.

Nebraska:

In what has become a series of events, yet another child was left at a hospital in Omaha, where a new law allows distraught parents to abandon their kids. In an unusual turn of events, this last kid was 5′ 7″, born in Crawford Texas, had a face like howdy-doody and enjoyed playing real-life army men. When questioned about his parents, the boy would only say they had “misunderepresented” him.

  Washington DC:

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has repremanded the makers of Bayer Aspirin for illegally marketing their products. Bayer has made unsubstantiated claims that Bayer Womens Low-Dose Aspirin + Calcium and Bayer Aspirin with Health Advantage can battle heart disease and osteoporosis. Treatments for those diseases must be reviewed by government scientists and cannot be sold over the counter.  Other claims, such as Bayer Aspirin works as an aphrodesiac in tea, can replace RU84 in low doses, and was the mystery memory pill in Christina Applegates new Television sitcom remain unsubstantiated. 

Stay tuned next time as EarthSourceMedia shows you how to shoot urine from seltzer bottles and make ex-lax coated aspirin for Halloween distribution- razor blades in apples are so, like, yesterday, y’know?

For Earthsource, I’m joey racano saying, “B-o-o-o-o-o-o!”

 ‘No time to Hate!’

jr

‘Take Back America’

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

Twilight Zone

EarthSourceMedia Reports for October 28th, 2008

You can go ahead and admit it any time you like- seeing a gargoyle like Alaska Senator Ted Stevens get what’s been coming to him for forty years is the same feeling you got when you discovered the pile of Penthouse Magazines under your fathers bed. Can you even imagine the death destruction and pollution this guy has caused after forty years running roughshod over Alaska? Oh sure, you’re innocent, alright Ted. So was your cousin, Ted Bundy. Rejoice, America; that wasn’t a ‘Bridge to Nowhere’ after all- it led to his demise and may well get Palin the Impaler 86’d as well.

Syria:

Two U.S. choppers flew into Syria. One landed on a farm while the other ‘watched for cops’ as my friends back in New York used to put it. People were killed. They probably just had milk on their hands, and the U.S. -once again- has blood on its hands. According to U.S. officials, one of the dead was an Al Qaeda figure. First of all, stop putting an ‘a’ after a ‘Q’, it goes against everything I’ve ever been taught. Second of all, let’s look at the odds; you give a thousand monkeys a thousand typewriters, you know the rest. Some simean will complete the Magna Carta. Same-a-same, if you steal enough elections, rape the economy so bad it creates an ‘economic’ draft, use minorities to invade enough countries, and shoot enough mother fuckers, somebody is bound to be an ‘Al Qaeda’! I am so not surprised. The way we’re spreading hate for America, ‘Al Qaeda’ will soon be all over the globe and you won’t be able to have a pile-up on a foggy freeway without killing an ‘Al Qaeda’ –or two.

Germany:

In Northwest Germany, three Siberian Tigers were able to leap from a burning circus transport truck when ordered by their ‘ringmaster’ because of their ‘training’ at jumping through hoops of fire. I guess what this tortured logic is trying to tell us is that imprisoning, starving and whipping a Tiger may eventually wind up saving its life.  EarthSourceMedia says a zoo or circus is nothing but an excuse not to save wild habitat, and they should all be closed immediately, inhabitants freed and ringmasters treated to genital electrocucia.

Massachusetts:

An 8 year old boy went to the Machine Gun Shoot and Firearms Expo at the Westfield Sportsman’s Club with his father. Under the supervision of an expert, he got to shoot an Uzi for the first time in his life. That may be seem kind of young, but, since he accidentally shot himself in the head, it also wound up being the last time in his life, so if not now, when? -ESM     *editors note: Moral of the story: This dumbkopf dad, in showing an 8 year old boy the joys of a machine gun, had his inferior genes removed from the pool in a process called natural selection.

Afghanistan:

A 21st Century U.S. Military chopper flew into battle against a rag-tag group of basically mongoloid aboriginals calling themselves the Taliban- maybe you’ve heard of them? Towels on their heads, no shoes, can’t read, dirty faces- they shot the helicopter down. The crew survived. This is tantamount to the Bad News Bears no-hitting the New York Yankees. EarthSourceMedia thinks this lost chopper and wasted training cost a lot of money that could have been much better spent on a good Wall Street back waxing.

Fresno, California:

While seven Killer Whales were missing from Puget Sound and presumed to have starved to death for lack of Salmon, greedy farmers in the Central Valley were trying to have Steelhead removed from the Endangered Species list. U.S. District Judge Oliver Wanger disagreed, and in a 168 page ruling said hatchery salmon were not a replacement for their wild counterparts. EarthSourceMedia may not agree with the Judge on everything, but he is no wanger.

Portland, Oregon:

Finally, A Libertarian think-tank in Portland said Oregon voter rolls may include more than 6,000 dead people. EarthSourceMedia feels there is nothing unusual about that this close to Halloween.

That is news, and so for EarthSourceMedia, this is joey racano saying, “Goodnight, and go with grace”!

‘Free Keith Olbermann!’

Monday, October 27th, 2008

Year of the Dragon

EarthSourceMedia Reports for October 27th, 2008

Another day goes by and ‘Decision ’08’ draws yet closer, conjuring visuals of liberation -such as tall iron gates finally being flung violently open, or impending doom, as in a bunker-buster bomb descending above your bedroom- it depends on your point of view. Tellingly, page B10 of the venerable New York Times is a very large full-page color photo ad for ‘Hardball’ with Chris Mathews saying ‘viewer turnout is way up’. Nice picture, nice guy. I happen to like Mr. Mathews and respect his integrity. What worries me though, is the complete absence of pal Keith Olbermann, who is the best reporter in the world although probably too honest and opinionated for his (careers) own good. Trust me America, the squelching of voices such as his is a threat to our freedom such as ‘terrorism’ could never be.

At this point, it is pretty darn frightening that all the media in the world is owned or controlled by people you could count on one hand; billboards, radio stations, newspapers, movies, record labels, television networks, magazines, soon, even the internet. And all these outlets wash dishes for the same underlying theme- God. God is great- so long as he’s my God and not your God. And you know the God I’m talking about too, the one who just told Reverand Schuller to kick his son the hell out of the show. The one who has his followers running through the jungle chasing down and converting Yanomamis. The one who hates gays, loves guns, makes Sarah Palin speak in tongues, created the multi-verse and everything in it but goddammit, hates it when you masturbate!

Anyway, EarthSourceMedia says:  Free Keith Olbermann

Washington DC:

Rejecting the polls, which show Obama with a double-digit lead and opening, Candidate McCain says, “I don’t care what they say, I’m going to win it!”. Maybe he knows something we don’t know. Perhaps Rove, Wolfowitz, Fox News, Rupert Murdoch, Satan and Cheney have already told John ‘the fix is in’. Could be. I’ll just wait for the riots.

Baghdad:

The United States has warned Iraq that if they don’t sign the new pact on status of military forces, all military actions will come to a halt. Iraqi officials are saying it is blackmail, but EarthSourceMedia says, “That will be the fucking day“. We’re bombing Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Syria at the same time, and it’s a lot more likely we’ll start bombing someone else than stop bombing any current bomb-ees. And bombing isn’t the only way we wage war. A photo in todays NY Times shows Iranian President Mahmoud Amadinejad surrounded by bodyguards and looking none too healthy on his feet. Iraqi officials say he’s ‘exhausted’, but I suspect he was poisoned.

Personally, I’m still fuming about the way Amhadinejad was treated by Columbia University’s President Lee Bollinger as the former spoke before the United Nations. It was a classless display of intolerance and bigotry, and I remain aghast that Bollinger presumed to speak for me and our nation. More recently however, Ahmadinejad came before the UN this past September 24th, and he doled it out pretty well himself, saying, “The United States is nearing the end of it’s empire”.  UCLA Professor Jared Diamond’s recent book, ‘Collapse’, and the way Wall Street is dragging world markets down with it both serve to place an exclamation point at the end of Mr. Ahmadinejad’s bold statement. -ESM  

 Columbia, South Carolina:

South Carolina residents overwhelmingly approve of offshore oil drilling, a new poll shows. We at ESM are forced to take this news with the proverbial grain of salt, as these same people approve of slavery, caning, and marrying within the immediate family. 

Shanghai:

Hong Kong food inspectors have found what they believe to be tainted eggs entering the country from China. Tainted eggs have now sickened over 500,000 Chinese. Inspectors identified the eggs from high levels of toxins, a yellowish tinge, and scaly hatchlings with barbed tails that breathed fire. 

Thank you for visiting EarthSourceMedia, always ireverent to the powerful and mindful of the meek. Until next time, this is joey racano saying, “Goodnight, and go with grace”. -ESM

‘Obamarama!’ by joey racano

Sunday, October 26th, 2008

Joey 4 President

EarthSourceMedia Reports for October 26th, 2008

 ‘Obamarama!’

Let’s face it, this is gettin’ downright exciting what with 9 days to go and all until we either go completely head-over-heels fascist or people take back the country. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t mean Obama is going to ‘take back’ anything- he would be a figurehead. His only power would be what is bestowed upon him by the new branch of American Government known as the ‘runaway executive’, created by neocons, the lord, and presided over by Karl Rove. And what exactly will those powers be? Why, not a dam thing, silly- McCain, maybe, but a black man? Nuh-uh. Not even a half-black man will get to use any of those new-fangled ‘spy-cheat-steal-kill-pray’ powers in the United States of Xenophobia, where the only thing men fear more than their jealous and vengeful God is some long-dicked black man come satisfy his women! 

No, the ‘take back America’ part will be in the hands of ordinary folks, both black and white, and red-brown and yellow, for that matter- who will see the election of a pseudo-leftist non-completely-white man as a license to stand up and push back against non-secular hipocracy- finally! EarthSourceMedia says look for fireworks, one way or another!

Washington DC:

According to John Crewdson of the Chicago Tribune, yet another epidemic is sweeping the country- people who brag of having received all kinds of medals for heroic military deeds but can’t actually prove having been awarded them. In one study, fully one third of those who claim medals aren’t supported by military records, and even in obituaries, 4 of 5 ‘heroes’ seem to have no real documentation to back up medals attributed to the deceased.  Perhaps this epidemic is caused by the fact that GI’s who come home on leave wearing medals have a 95% higher instance of ‘scoring’ with star-struck gals-back-home, gals with names like ‘Betty-jo’, ‘Jenny’, ‘Betsy’, or even, ‘Easy Alice’. In any case, EarthSourceMedia finds it very distasteful to claim honors to which only the brave belong, some still lying out on the all-too-numerous battlefields of the world.

Signed, Joey Racano, recipient and/or winner of:

Medal of Honor, 1973, Viet Nam, helping Rambo free 6 POW’s, Ka-Saan* Blue Maxx, 1942, traveling back through time, Bermuda Triangle to locate Flight 19, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida* Purple Heart, 2000, for putting up with stolen election* Silver Star, 2004, observing another stolen election* Navy Cross, 2008, watching USA go down tubes

 Little Rock, Arkansas:

KATV anchorwoman Anne Pressly was beaten in an attack at her home and has died of her injuries. Lovely, young and talented, Ms Pressly had recently appeared in Oliver Stones new movie, ‘W’. This may be circumstancial, but ESM believes there is a good chance she was killed by a right-wing idiot.  -ESM

New York, N.Y.:

Saturday Night Live alumni Chevy Chase says he thinks allowing Sarah Palin on the show was a big mistake because of her lack of improvisational skills. EarthSourceMedia feels Chevy got it half right. It was a mistake alright, but not for her lack of skills; it was a mistake to give any noteriety to a she-devil incarnate who was instrumental in stopping Measure 2, which would have outlawed shooting wolves from planes, loaded her administration with mining officials and wants to replace the worlds last great salmon run with the worlds greatest gold mine. Let’s keep that bitch off the show, shall we? Shame on you Tina Fey.

Mexico:

Mexican citizens are rioting in the streets after legislation passed to basically hand the Mexican oil giant PEMEX away from the people and into the hands of oil compaies- ESM wonders, perhaps American oil companies? The legislation was intended to increase oil production, and fits right in with Obama and McCains ideas for increased exploring, drilling, refining, transporting, spilling, burning and all just in time for the end of the world as we know it.

That’s EarthSourceMedia for today, and so…hey, did I ever tell you about the time I was all alone, standing on ‘Pork Chop’ Hill, one bullet left, surrounded by ‘charlie’, bleeding from a head wound where my brains had slid out into a ditch lined with poisoned bunjee stix, with a baby under one arm and an M-16 under the other…well, next time, here at EarthSource, I’m joey racano saying, “Goodnight and go with grace”! -ESM 

Pity the Poor Dictator

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

Mission Accomplished

EarthSourceMedia News

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

 ~Special EarthSourceMedia Editorial~

‘Pity the Poor Dictator’ by joey racano

Here at ESM, we sympathize with those facing foreclosure of their homes, particularly those long-time renters, caught off guard with news that their landlords have lost the house but gave no notice to the renter. Indeed, this type of situation has already prompted some of those facing eviction to commit suicide/burn the house down etc. Like turning a light on at 4:00 a.m. and catching the cockroaches partying in the kitchen, it is a perfect illustration of the heartlessness of our leaders that they ignore the plight of people being shown the door and a new life on the street, yet serve up nearly a Trillion Dollars ($1,000,000,000,000.00) to the white collar crooks who caused the economy to collapse. Even more telling is the fact that it is those very same poor who will have to foot the bill!

Now that we know what it is our leaders don’t care about, let us look at what it is they do care about:

In a sudden fit of conscience, outgoing President George W. Bush is calling for a hastily planned ‘economic summit’, to be held two weeks after the upcoming US Presidential election. Perhaps the biggest stumbling block to the planned meeting is that neither Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama nor Republican Presidential candidate John McAin seem willing to attend! Presidential historian Robert Dallek likens the snub to when outgoing and wildly unpopular President Herbert Hoover tried to engage Franklin D. Roosevelt in a similar way. Roosevelt refused. In this case, however, the welfare of the economy of the United States couldn’t possibly be the cause for Bush’s concern.

Military, war and arms expenditures have been taking place -and continue to take place, at about Two Billion Dollars a week, even as emergency rooms and trauma centers are shut down in urban areas that desperately need them.

No, EarthSourceMedia sees this sudden cause-for-care as an attempt to make the life of George W. Bush a bit less embarassing as he fades into his golden years. Like a real-life Mister Magoo, this lame-duck president is heading off into the sunset having left Washington, the Country, the economy, the political system, the judiciary, the Justice Department, the environment and indeed the world, a shambles.

George W. Bush, propped into power by an unethical decision of the US Supreme Court, walked onto the world stage a laughing stock, unable to run a baseball team or an oil company. The anomalous events of September 11th, 2001 catapulted him to world dominance, and from there, he morphed Democracy into Dictatorship, leaving a trail of war, woe, broken treaties and surviellance in his wake. Failure in Iraq and a shriveled world economy have stripped the powder from the wings of this evangelical-who-would-be-king, and he is poised to exit the world stage with drooping shoulders and a legacy of corruption. Even for him, this may be too much to bear.

    Let us pity the poor dictator. -ESM

‘Guantana Mo-Fo’

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008

War Crime

EarthSourceMedia Reports, October 22nd 2008

 ‘Guantana Mo-Fo’ 

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba

As the hours until ‘Decision 2008’ tick away, the demise of the Bush regime draws near, and growing national scrutiny has shifted the administration into a frantic mode of damage control. This became apparent yesterday, as the Pentagon official in charge of military commissions at Guantanamo Bay dismissed war crimes charges against five detainees.

All five cases had been being handled by a prosecuter who himself had stepped down in disgust last month, saying he had questions about the fairness of the process. EarthSourceMedia wonders, ‘what could be unfair about the United States kidnapping someone at an airport on New Years Eve, for instance, whisking him away in front of his screaming family, placing him blindfolded aboard a jet owned by the Boston Red Sox (with the Red Sox logo covered), flying him to Romania to be tortured for many months, there to remain until Condoleeza Rice ordered him released into Iran (even though he was a German national) when it was all discovered to have been a case of mistaken identity?’ And so what if the man was later denied entry into the United States to challenge it all in court? What is the matter with these spoil-sports? Don’t they realize there is a price we all must pay for being kept ‘safe’ in this dangerous age?

EarthSourceMedia investigated how we identified these men as terrorists in the first place and came up with this:

1. Weak chins. As any red blooded American who ever watched a Ray Chandler Private Eye show knows, a weak chin is a sign of criminality, just as a strong, square jaw (like Barack Obama and Dudley Do-right have) is a sign of heroism.

2. Eyes close together. Next time you see a guy or gal with their eyes too close together, and an Advil doesn’t help them, you can be certain these folks are stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Then, just put it all together; terrorists are stupid!

3. Middle Eastern Descent. Call it racial profiling all you like, but terrorists come from the Middle East,  hailing from countries like Pakistan, Iraq, Iran, ad infinitum, and a Middle Easterner can be identified by dark skin (or by the explosives wrapped around their mid-section). The wisdom of this all comes together when you remember the Bible said Jesus was of Middle Eastern descent, and who could be more violent than the followers of Jesus? Incidentally, you’ve got to take your lessons from where you can get them, and what a lesson in ‘spin’ from the Bible to have the interpretations of the teachings of Jesus filed under ‘Peace’? That kind of spin shows more recent spinners, like Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’reilly for the ametuers they really are. And Speaking of Karl Rove…

San Francisco, California:

It has been said, ‘If the people lead, the leaders will follow’. Yesterday in San francisco, amid a national leadership vacuum, an ordinary citizen rose up to lead the entire nation as she took duty upon herself and handcuffed Karl Rove as he sat at a Mortgage Bankers convention. As with OJ Simpson (condemned to a life sentence on a golf course where despising crowds and media are kept at a distance), or Paul Wolfowitz (Chief architect of ‘Project for a New American Century’, the blueprint by which our country has been moved to the far right), Sarah Palin, John Bolton and ‘Scooter’ Libby;  the criminal may not be in prison, but has gotten away with nothing. The patriot, identified in the papers and major news outlets only as ‘a protester’, was herself led away by security, but the die is cast- heroines have arisen -and the revolution has begun

Patriotic Duty

Find more videos like this on www.truveo.com.

In Six States:

As in Germany in the days leading up to WWII, The Untited States has begun expanding the focus of ‘sweeps’ from just herding Illegal ‘ailiens’ to now include environmentalists, suspected gang members, Mormons, and most recently, motorcycle clubs. Next of course, it will be you, me, progressive teachers and Grandma.

Bureau of Alchohol, Tobacco and Firearms (and now, ‘Explosives’!) agents made arrests in California, Oregon, Colorado, Nevada and Washington on charges ranging from gun violations to murder and assault. EarthSourceMedia did the groundwork, and came up with a list of names of those arrested. They were:

‘Roach’, ‘Skeeter’ ‘Sunshine’, Big George’, ‘Crazy Tony’, ‘Alfalfa’, ‘Corn-Fed’ Fred, ‘Axle’, ‘Grease Monkey’, ‘Three-Fingers’, ‘Pig Pen’, ‘Jethro’, ‘Scratch’, ‘Fifth Wheel’, ‘Boar’, ‘Stinky’, ‘Jimbob’, ‘Cranky’, ‘Jersey’, ‘Oil Can’, ‘T-bone’, ‘Turbo’, ‘Split-Wheel Schlabeille’, ‘Big Dicker’, and the ‘Rice Burner’ (who rode a Honda). 

 Ohio:

Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner has revealed to media that the Official Website of the State Agency that handles Ohio voter registration and other election information was shut down yesterday -(two weeks before the election!) after it was hacked. It has been restored to partial service. Mrs. Brunner is a Democrat whose office has been accumulating death threats in recent days as well as suspicious packages. In the 2004 election, Bush beat Kerry in some areas of Ohio by an average of only 9 votes per precinct, amid accusations of black, liberal voter disenfranchisement. The same accusations are being made again, so look for another close election, and perhaps Sarah Palin banning books at your local library. The advantages will include being able to stop and ask directions from the friendly, helpful and heavily armed National Guardsman assigned to the roadblock or checkpoint on your neighborhood corner.   

That is news on this day of October 22nd, 2008, and so for EarthSourceMedia, this is joey racano saying,

“From Purple Mountain Majesty to enjoying our new right to choose between the 21st Century American version of Mein Kampf- flying the American flag-  and spreading lambs blood at your doorstep, goodnight and go with grace!” -ESM

“He’s Got ‘WMD’S! Oh, and I Endorse Obama”. -colin powell

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

254 lies; 750,000 dies

EarthSourceMedia, October 20th, 2008

Welcome to ESM, where news meets entertainment…

Washington DC:

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell has endorsed Barack Obama for President of the United States, saying the Senator from Illinois would be a “transformational” figure who would “electrify our country, the world”. ESM finds it difficult to gauge the value of such an endorsement from the man who made the final case before the United Nations to go to war against Iraq. Last time, however, Powell endorsed ‘electrifying’ Saddam Hussein, who was, of course hung instead. Due to Powells opinions on Heads of State being so widely divergent, -endorsing one, while ignoring the sovereignity of another- EarthSourceMedia feels that, rather than making national headlines for his endorsement for Obama, former Secretary of State Colin Powell should instead be making headlines in a war crimes trial for his central role in the illegal and immoral invasion and subsequent occupation of Iraq, as well as for his part in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi and American civilians (remember American activist Marla Ruzika) and some 4,000 American soldiers. Perhaps this endorsement was part of a plea-deal to keep an international firing squad at bay? We at ESM wouldn’t want to speculate.

Los Angeles, California:

In a blow to the world of judgemental superficiality, caustic fashion critic Richard Blackwell has died at age 82 of complications from an intestinal infection. Aside from his fame as judge and jury for couture of the rich and famous, the life of Mr. Blackwell was an amazing journey from one end of the social spectrum to the other and ended up the polar opposite from that which it began.   Born Richard Sylvan Selzer in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn (very near where this editor is from), he was abandoned by his father in that tough neighborhood as a teen, but overcame adversity to star in the much loved ‘Dead End Kids’ TV show, later working with such luminaries as Rita Hayworth and Mae West. In the end, he became Richard Blackwell, handing down condemnation for the misdressed who landed on his ‘Worst-Dressed List’ each year, which brought many fame, if embarassment. Most victims were so well off they really didn’t care, and it all seemed in good fun. In that same spirit of fun, our own EarthSourceMedia Fashion Critic, (me!) had this to say about Mr. Blackwells funerary attire;

Deathwear of Blackwell, Richard, Fashion Critic:

His face was taught and pale, creating the sense of a (a-hem) funeral, and the seams of his undergarments were quite visible beneath a too-dark suit. Attendant undertakers are to be commended for the few sparse, unsightly and scarcely noticeable burnt sienna stains from the intestinal infection. All would have been a coutere de triumphe’ if Mr. Blackwell were being prepared, like a deer,  for consumption, but as dead meat, with the sepia tones, it just didn’t work for me.  -joey racano, ESM  

Washington DC;

The United States Department of the Interior, in a move that would make even Gail Norton* proud, is about to relax rules against mining coal from mountaintops and then dumping the waste into pristine streams below. It’s all in the name of coal, and ESM points out that both the Democrats and Republicans are completely owned by the coal industry, so, um, bye-bye planet if ya know what we mean. In a statement, Republican Presidential Candidate John McAin said, “Waste is a terrible thing to mind”, and Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama said, “A mine is a terrible thing to waste”. -ESM

Washington DC;

Vice President and prime candidate for an international war crimes trial himself, Dick Cheney underwent  electric shock treatment  October 15th for heart ‘irregularities’. It should be noted that unlike his victims, Mr. Cheney did not have to stand in a bucket of water with a hood over his head while being shocked. Through investigative journalism efforts, ESM learned that the heart irregularities making Mr. Cheney’s heart different were;

1. It is black as the Ace of Spades, and;

2. It is cold as a witches tit in a brass bra.

Dutch Harbor, Alaska

Warming waters is causing Pollock, a favored fish of American anglers, to move ever northward into Russian waters. Scientists believe the fish are seeking  cooler temperatures, but there is evidence to suggest they are simply fleeing the policies of Alaska Governor and Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin. -ESM

Denver, Colorado:

At Fort Carson,  5 soldiers are being investigated for killing 5 people in 14 months since returning from Iraq, and officials want to know ‘why’. EarthSourceMedia suggests they turn their attention to video games like ‘Left Behind’, where soldiers carry guns, convert people to christianity, killing those who refuse. Another place to look is at fans of the Oakland Raiders, who are far more insane, viscious and violent than any muslim fundamentalist. Then, there is TV, where a child may observe a gun, murder or both every 4 seconds. Finally, it is suggested that when little children are made to stand in a classroom, place hand over heart and swear allegience to a country based on war, cancer-causing industrialization, intolerance, genocide, and a God that doesn’t exist, (see:  boogie man, terrorism and the tooth fairy),  all may contribute to psychotic adult episodes that later can result in homocide.

Back at the Studio:

Get ready for some culture as EarthSourceMedia launches our newest section on the home page entitled, ‘The Arts’. You don’t want to miss it when we get cultural, nuh-uh. And so, for ESM, from 7 miles North of the Mexican Border where we will never run for office (pow! Blam!!) for obvious reasons, this is joey racano saying, ‘goodnight and go with (ker-packoww!!) grace’!

*Gail Norton- United States Secretary of the Interior under George W Bush’s first administration (ahh, those were the days, no?), formerly was a lawyer for Rocky Mountain States Legal Foundation, once represented Dutch Boy Paints against lead-poisoned children. 

The Great Earthquake at Loma Prieta

Friday, October 17th, 2008

I Was There, October 17th 1989

EarthSourceMedia October 17th, 2008

A group of the downtrodden lay in the grass at what is generally known as ‘ground zero for the free speech movement’, Peoples Park of Berkeley, California. It was nineteen years ago today, October 17th, 1989. At 3:30 in the afternoon, stale, windless air left the fronds of palms drooping straight down, like wet wash on a clothesline. The heat was a force, making it hard to breathe, and I remember saying, “This is earthquake weather”.

An hour later, I emerged from a local church-turned-soup-kitchen, where a guy down on his luck could get his one fair meal a day for a quarter, prompting the locals to dub it the ‘quarter meal’. The heat was still on, though the shadows had grown a bit long. Outside the old brick building on Piedmont Avenue, my dog Misty, rest her soul, sprang up, tail wagging, her one good eye bright at the sight of me.

We crossed the street, and headed down towards our self-appointed job playing guitar for change outside of a Mrs. Fields Cookie store on Telegraph Avenue, the owners of which were always happy at the extra money my blues licks brought in- a 20% increase, I was told. But Misty and I never quite made it that far. As we reached the other side of the street, Misty cowered down and began barking in her round-mouthed ‘I’m spooked’ kind of a way, incessant, woo-woo-woo…I flashed a quick look about and saw nothing amiss. “Whats-a-matter, girl?”

 That’s when the first wave came, the Earth rolling beneath my feet like incoming waves at Coney Island. I never dreamed the Earth would betray me so! ‘Hissss!’ went the tall chain-link fence that circled the asphalt ball field atop the parking structure. And ‘Hissss!’ it went again as a second wave rushed beneath our unsteady feet. I later learned that this one, the ‘Loma Prieta’ Earthquake, named for the fault which spawned her, was a ‘roller’, referring to the type of Earth movement involved.

‘Woo-woo-woo!’ went Misty, justifiably agitated by the earthly, yet somehow unearthly events.

Two screaming young students ran for their cars, parked beneath the now tottering structure, and I yelled to them, “Don’t go under there!” We all looked up in time to see the tall pencil-like skyscraper dorms across the way waving in a willy nilly fashion, threatening to fall on us. The screams went on until fear overcame good sense and the girls ran under the parking structure, started their cars and drove wildly off toward Telegraph Avenue.

Misty and I stood a moment, staring off toward Berkeley Marina in the direction of San Franciso. It was all quite downhill, affording me an Eagles perch, the first of two surreal scenes to come. This time, thick black smoke began rising in the far distance, origin unknown, as all manner of alarms, bells honks and grunts began an auditory assault, coalescing into a devilish symphony.

The immediate danger passed, we made our way downtown, through Peoples Park to Telegraph Avenue, where we encountered the second surreal scene, straight from a sci-fi disaster movie, etched in my mind for all of my days. The city had come to a sudden and complete standstill- cars sat strewn about the intersection facing many directions, all stopped and lacking the drivers that might further guide them.

I joined a large crowd that now encircled one car, a tarnished gold something-or-other, which sat in the center of a usually busy intersection. Atop this car sat a worn-out ghetto-blaster, stains of spackle attesting to its many hours on the jobsite. It had become as a fire around which we gathered, having ourselves suddenly become modern cave-people.

For lack of all that was familiar, the large group stood rapt around the worn radio as it chattered off info no one wanted to hear..

“The Mission District is on fire, the Bay Bridge has collapsed, stay in your homes, turn off the gas, World Series play has been stopped on the field; remain calm, the 880 Nimitz Freeway has fallen, many cars reported to be trapped beneath…”

And on and on it went.

I kept scanning the crowd for their curious expressions, their reactions, perhaps measuring the state of my own condition by them. We were ok, I knew that much, but it was more than I could say for everyone. Many died. Many were hurt. And tthough the poor folks in the park lost no property, homes or belongings, we all did lose something that day in October 1989. We lost a sense of peace-of-mind, and the surety that Mother Earth will always be our benevolent nanny.

Giant chunks of space-borne nickel-iron have other cares than the fate of mankind, as they spin their way around the giant clock of the Milky Way. Our destiny is our own, and the great time-keeper resets that clock for no one. And I was there. October 17th, at 5:04PM, 1989.

Dedicated to all who lost their lives in the Loma Prieta earthquake and the heroes who tried to save them.

Joey Racano