September 19th News

Gravina Island, Alaska

Wolf Hunter Evangelical-turned-U.S. Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin’s fickle support for the now infamous Alaskan ‘Bridge to Nowhere’ took yet another turn this week as it was reported she had yanked her support for the bridge but insisted money allocated to build a road to the bridge continue to fund its construction. This has resulted in a wide, semi-paved ‘road-to-nowhere’ leading through the woods to a small ‘airport-to-nowhere’ with a ‘runway-to-nowhere’.

As scrutiny tightens, more questions are being raised not only about the viability of her candidacy, but also about some of her lesser-known pork-projects. ESM will continue our investigative reporting into her proposed ‘walkway-to-nowhere’, ‘wooded-trail-to-nowhere’, ‘Canal-to-nowhere’ and the rumored ‘Yellow brick Road to Nowhere’, as we follow Sarah on her apparent ‘Career-to-Nowhere’. -ESM

 Washington

In other Sarah Palin news, Republican Senator Chuck Hagel of Nebraska bristled in a story told by the Omaha World-Herald, scoffing at the McCain campaigns assertion that Sarah Palin is qualified to be the next President of the United States.

“She doesn’t have any foreign policy credentials. I mean- you get your passport last year for the first time in your life? I don’t know what you can say- you can’t say anything” said Senator Hagel, who, apparently did manage to say something.

Especially troubling was that Sarah, in answering questions from ABC about her knowledge of Russia, told them her knowledge all stems from ‘being able to see’ Russia from Alaska.

Said Sarah, “They’re our next-door neighbors, and you can actually see Russia from Land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska”.

Hagel called it insulting to the American people and scoffed at the notion that just because you can see Russia you could know something about it. EarthSourceMedia agrees with the Senator from Nebraska and hopes Sarah doesn’t look at the stars and claim to be an Astronomer. -ESM 

 Merill Lynch is Bullshit on America

Wall Street

After plummeting for a week, the DOW rose 400 points yesterday on news of an American rescue plan. The U.S. plan involves the purchase of mortgages from banks for hundreds of billions. ESM finds it incredible that developers will be bailed out by American taxpayers, -at great cost- simply so they can go out and do the whole sub-prime slime, again.

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Apparently, George Bush and Condoleeza Rice will join Vice President Dick Cheney at his bat-cave, load up the minting machines, and begin printing some hundreds of billions in U.S. currency in hopes someone somewhere will see some value in any of it. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has refused to accept American currency as payment for oil, calling it a ‘worthless piece of paper’, and an EarthSourceMedia exclusive has begun uncovering lemonade stands around the American heartland where children prefer EUROS. 

 Washington

A privacy group filed a class action lawsuit against the Bush administration and the NSA over what they say is illegal spying on Americans. The Bush folks defended such activities, and explained how a terrorist was recently found guilty of a crime committed by someone who was right-handed. The defendant had claimed to be left-handed but the prosecution presented NSA footage showing the man at home in his bathroom wiping his ass with his right hand and the case was solved!  -ESM

 From the proposed nuclear waste dump at Yucca Mountain Nevada, to the hair dryers of America the nuclear energy is needed for, I’m joey racano for EarthSourceMedia- goodnight, and go with grace.  ESM 

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