September 17th News



Associated Press today carried a story of a study by the US Geological Survey, which ‘showed’ there are plenty of Grizzy Bears in the great State of Montana. In a wild twist, it turns out this will allow for expanded logging and more drilling for petroleum!

In a carefully worded rebuttle, the Bears released a study of their own, showing no shortage of rocks, suggesting there should be plenty to keep the USGS busy in their own chosen field.  -ESM

Again, Washington

President Bush went under the knife yesterday to remove what doctors called a ‘benign lesion’ on his forehead. The operation left a ‘noticeable scab’ visible as he went about his days work (having people killed, logging, drilling, invoking the name of jesus, and just basically overseeing the demise of society). No word on rumors the ‘lesion’ actually said, “666”.  -ESM

Yet again, Washington

Despite melting glaciers, the House voted yesterday to open up both the Atlantic and Pacific coasts to new offshore oil drilling, hoping to gain political favor with energy-shocked Americans in an election year.

Boulder, Colorado

 In a contrasting story, satellite data released by the National Snow and Ice Data Center in Boulder show Arctic sea ice, which retreats each March-September,  has retreated to the 2nd smallest size in recorded history. “We haven’t seen conditions like this for hundreds of years”, said Walt Meier, a scientist at NSIDC who blames the retreat largely on emissions of greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide. 

Such a retreat of ice hits creatures like the Polar Bear hard, who depend on sea ice for hunting. Although strong swimmers, many have recently been observed swimming in open ocean with little chance of survival. The Polar Bear was recently listed as ‘Threatened’ by the US Interior Department, a listing which has been challenged by the State of Alaska under Governor (and now Republican Vice Presidential candidate) Sarah Palin.    -ESM


Galveston, Texas

President Bush arrived in storm-pummeled Galveston yesterday, getting a first-hand look at the destruction left behind by Hurricane Ike and his own energy policies. It was not clear if this was the first time in US history that one disaster has visited another. -ESM


US Fish and Wildlife Service is planning to re-expand critical habitat designation for the Endangered Red-Legged Frog in areas where it was ‘mistakenly’ removed by Julie MacDonald, a former Bush official who apparently ran roughshod over environmental regulation before being unceremoniously removed. EarthSourceMedia has composed a little ditty to explain the whole thing:

Ms MacDonald had a farm, ee-ii-ee-ii-oh!

And on that farm she had some frogs, ee-ii-ee-ii-oh!

With a croak-croak here

and a croak-croak there!

Here a croak, there a croak

With her in charge, well, everything would croak, croak

Ms MacDonald had a farm, ee-ii-ee-ii-oh!

“For EarthSourceMedia, I’m joey racano..good Night, and go with grace” 

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